New Jersey And Sue: Prefect Together

Jersey Boardwalk Pizza And Garden State ParkwayNew Jersey’s Garden State Parkway is suing a pizzeria for utilizing a similar logo to their own. The pizzeria is located in Florida – 1,300 miles away.

While its meatball pizzas and hoagies might mimic the pleasures of the Jersey Shore, it’s the logo of a Florida Keys pizzeria that the New Jersey Turnpike Authority says goes too far in evoking the Garden State.

The agency this week sued Jersey Boardwalk Pizza in New Jersey federal court, saying its logo “directly copied and appropriated” that of the Garden State Parkway. The restaurant’s merchandise and fact that pizzas are sold in the turnpike’s service areas could confuse consumers, it said.

“There’s no way someone is going to mistake my logo for that of the parkway – we’re 1,300 miles away,” said Paul DiMatteo, co-owner of the Tavernier, Florida, restaurant, which also has a franchise in Florida City.

The Parkway, whose tolls rise more often than the sun, is suing for the pizzeria’s profits and unspecified damages… as if anything can damage the Parkway more than a ridiculous frivolous lawsuit.

Sexy Saturday 9

jake_gyllenhaal

jake-gyllenhaal-nudeThis is the official Anti-Babe Post!

I decided to go with Jake Gyllenhaal this week.

I found a few pictures while browsing the web that qualified him for the Sexy Saturday posts.

There really aren’t any requirements besides looking good with your clothes off. :)

jake-gyllenhaal-naked

Iowa City Just Rolls With It

Toilet PaperThe city of Eldridge, Iowa is embarking on an interesting initiative. They are urging people to wipe the town of outside toilet toilet paper brands.

An Iowa community’s campaign urging residents to buy toilet paper locally was bound to be the butt of jokes.

But to the Eldridge-North Scott area, it’s serious business. The “Shop, Stay and Wipe Local” drive could boost the area economy by $677,000, according to one estimate.

In Philadelphia, we have a similar program. It’s entitled, “Wipe yourself. For the love of Pete, please wipe yourself!”

Pothead Disrespects The People’s House

Snoop DoggThis may come as a shock to you, but I despise rapper Snoop Dogg – actually I despise all rappers, but Snoop occupies a special place in my bile duct. I hate him even more after this ridiculous stunt.

He’s been to some high places in his time, but now Snoop Dogg has turned even the White House green – by lighting a cannabis joint in the bathroom.

The rapper claimed he reassured Secret Service agents he would only be igniting a ‘napkin’ before having a luxurious solo smoke on a recent visit. And of course he ranks with the President himself – who has probably never lit up in the executive mansion, but was a heavy smoker as a young man.

I honestly don’t know what infuriates me more; that this no-talent junkie smoked weed in the White House, or that the no-talent pothead “president” invited him there.

Mississippi Man Chooses His Hideouts… Poorly

Vica Kerekes Bra And SkirtRoger Beasley Jr. is a special kind of stupid. I do not believe an instrument exists which can quantify the amount of stupid in this man’s pea-brain.

Police officers in Biloxi, Mississippi stopped Roger Beasley, Jr. last week for driving without a valid license. During the vehicle investigation, Beasley jumped out of his vehicle and fled the scene on foot. An officer immediately gave chase.

According to police, Beasley didn’t notice marked police cars outside the Harrison County Law Enforcement Training Academy. He says Beasley ran into the building while training was in session — and arrested.

As always, you can read more here, or drool over the Slovak Sweetheart.

I Find Your Lack Of Candidates Disturbing

Vader Choking Rebel Scum

For all you politics junkies out there, think about this: Darth Vader has a better favorability rating than every current 2016 presidential hopeful.

None of the 2016 hopefuls is polling higher than Darth Vader. You’ll recall that Vader chopped off his son’s arm and blew up an entire planet, but evidently in the eyes of the American public these are minor sins compared to Benghazi, Bridgegate and Gov. Rick Perry’s hipster glasses. These numbers suggest that if “Star Wars” were real and Darth Vader decided to enter the 2016 presidential race, he’d be the immediate front-runner.

That’s because he’ll get things done by any means necessary. If he has to choke out the entire congress, so be it. Imagine how quickly Putin will step into line after Vader is sworn in!

Of course, there’s also this war crime…

Hillary Clinton currently has the highest net favorability of any 2016 White House contender. But to put her 19 percent favorable rating in context, she’s tied with Boba Fett, the bounty hunter who froze Harrison Ford in carbonite.

Don’t you ever, EVER, mention Hillary Clinton in the same sentence as Boba Fett! Clinton couldn’t hold Fett’s Dur-24 wrist laser. Now go get your shinebox.

Grammer, Grammor, Grammur. Ah, Forget It!

Weird-Al-Word-CrimesI LOVE this song! It is Weird Al’s “Word Crimes.”

As a teacher in an urban school I struggle with teaching children proper grammar. The main reason it is so difficult to teach children how to speak and write correctly is because their parents do not know how to speak and write.

Some families have a legitimate excuse; English is their second language. For other families there is no excuse. They are ignorant, lazy or think it is cool to sound like a thug.

i'll try to educate youI wish I could instill in my students the importance of sounding intelligent rather than sounding like a brutha from the corner. I think I may play this song on a loop everyday during lunch. Maybe some of the information will sink in their little heads. I can only hope that something I do will make a difference in how they live their lives.

Humpday History Highlight

HHH Logo

July 23, 1914 – Austria-Hungary Issues Ultimatum To Serbia

According to the terms of the ultimatum delivered on July 23, the Serbian government would have to accept an Austro-Hungarian inquiry into the assassination, notwithstanding its claim that it was already conducting its own internal investigation. Serbia was also to suppress all anti-Austrian propaganda and to take steps to root out and eliminate terrorist organizations within its borders—one such organization, the Black Hand, was believed to have aided and abetted the archduke’s killer, Gavrilo Princip, and his cohorts, providing weapons and safe passage from Belgrade to Sarajevo. The Dual Monarchy demanded an answer to the note within 48 hours—by that time, however, anticipating Serbian defiance, Gieslingen had already packed his bags and prepared to leave the embassy.

Amazingly enough, Serbia gave Austria-Hungary the Eastern European version of the finger, and World War I began five days later.

Hate Mail O’ The Week

hate-mailIt’s been a while since I received some post-worthy hate mail. (Picky’s Ned Flanders-esque complaint notwithstanding.) That all changed on Tuesday when I received this gem from Marita Jaeger.

Marita is a special kind of snowflake, who boasts herself as the “Queen of New Orleans Vampires.”

Really.

Her email was titled, “Opinions.”

What a ridiculous blog you have. Stumbled upon it by mistake (big mistake) and wonder how people like you even know enough to turn on a computer.

If you have an opinion, you should probably keep it to yourself. Remember a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Learn first to understand, and only then to be understood.

Wow, that’s pretty deep for someone who manages a sports bar and operates a vampire boutique. I wonder if that last line is her own, or if she read it inside a fortune cookie?

You know, if I had a nickel for every time some troll said they “stumbled upon my blog my mistake,” I could have retired years ago. The fact of the matter is Marita probably surfed this site many, many times, saw something she disagreed with, and got all pissy about it. She will now monitor the blog for any mention of her name, because she is desperate for attention.

Way to go, Marita; you got your wish. You’re immortal. SYLG will be around long after your vampire business goes bankrupt.