A Change Of Pace

Ned Flanders As The DevilToday started out pretty well. The kids slept in… until 7:15am, I bought donuts for breakfast, and it’s my day off. Ten minutes later, it all went to Hell. (Pun intended.)

A longtime reader – out of respect for privacy, I won’t divulge the name – sent me an e-mail this morning explaining why the reader will no longer visit the blog, removed SYLG’s bookmark, and why I am probably going to Hell.

You used to do police stories, funny stories, news stories, entertainment stories (Star Wars, etc) with the occasional hot babe thrown in the mix. For the past several months, your blog has turned into a regular pinup collection. Seriously, go back and count how many pictures you posted a year ago, and look at one of the past few months and compare numbers. I don’t know how your wife feels about this, but it really irritates my wife, and I don’t need to be tempting myself with looking at women who aren’t my wife, and that’s why I haven’t been frequenting your blog.

The reader then quoted a verse from the Gospel of Matthew concerning adultery which ends with “Your whole body to be thrown into Hell.” The reader continues…

That seems pretty clear to me that if I am going to be faithful to my wife, I need to not frequent places where nudity and partial nudity are prominently displayed. Unfortunately your blog is now one of those places. And so I have removed your blog from my bookmarked page. Please let me know if you ever decide to go back to your former habits of posting news and entertainment stories without posting half-naked photos along with them.

So… yeah. I have a few thoughts here, and while I probably didn’t sufficiently calm myself before writing this, I’ll do my best to rein in my emotions.

First off, I may be wrong, but I don’t believe I amped up the babe pics in the last few months. In fact, I think I’ve posted less. Sure, I post a photo of Vica with every USMC article, but they are rarely half-naked.

Second, I have pretty much completely banned politics posts here. They angry up the blood, and at this point, what more can be said about the downfall of America? Without politics, I’m limited in my post selections, so I have decided to post about family, work (occasionally), entertainment, and bizarre stories.

Finally, if you find the content here lacking – or worse, sinful – you are free to leave at any time. Readers – even ones who were close friends – have left this blog before, never to return. Most of them didn’t send me an e-mail detailing what a scumbag sinner I have become. Obviously, I would like to keep as many readers as possible, but If you want to go… go. Just don’t stab me in the back as you walk out the door.

I’d like everyone’s input on the reader’s primary point; that SYLG has become a den of half-naked iniquity. That said, please don’t rip the reader in the comments section.

Mayor Nutter Drops In The Poles

Mayor Squidward

Poor Mayor Squidward lost yet another court battle yesterday. This time, a judge threw out Squiddy’s attempt to tax lap dances, I swear, this guy would tax lawn clippings if he could.

Lawyers for the city had gone before Common Pleas judge Ellen Ceisler, arguing that the city’s Tax Review Board last year was wrong when it said the city’s amusement tax was too vague to be applied to lap dances. But Judge Ceisler, ruling from the bench, today upheld the board and quickly threw out the appeal.

Club Risqué and Cheerleaders, represented by Bochetto, faced tax bills totaling nearly $900,000. A third club, Delilah’s, was assessed more than $630,000 in back taxes, interest, and penalties for lap dances.

The Tax Review Board in October ruled that the amusement tax law is so vague that it can only be reasonably applied to a club’s cover charge, not to other activities.

Mayor Nutter will now attempt to tax guys who, um, finish before the end of the dance.

Party Time!

Disney-Princess-Slumber-Party-disney-crossover-29812085-949-768So, on Saturday night I did the unthinkable. I allowed my pre-teen daughter to have a Slumber Party. I know what you are thinking… “Was she drinking?” The answer is no. I was in my right mind and thinking clearly.

Now I am not saying it was my best idea ever but they had a great time. I told her she could invite a few friends. I have to say she chose well with the girls she invited. They are all good kids and their parents are at least tolerable.

Yes, they were up late, they were loud, they were silly, and they watched endless cartoons and movies. I do not think they watched one clear to the end, though. They also ate like a football team. I have never seen girls eat that much junk. They ate snack bags of chips, cookies and popcorn – although a great deal of popcorn did end up on the floor.

All in all, the aftermath was not so bad. The fun they had and memories they made outweigh my sleepless night and the mess they made. The bonus – one of the moms offered to stay and help clean!

Another Google warning, this one you guys will probably try,  I googled “slumber party.” Scroll past the cartoon images if you are into naked women.

Naked Lunch

Vica Kerekes Gun

Since my latest USMC article deals with naked people and guns, I figured I’d post a pic of Vica Kerekes wearing one. Sorry, you ain’t getting naked today… or are you? Here’s a sample:

A Georgetown, Texas man was awakened last week when a burglar entered his residence through a first floor window. After noticing a flashlight shine outside his bedroom door, the homeowner grabbed his loaded 9mm pistol, hopped out of bed, and challenged the burglar… while naked.

“I have a tattoo of the grim reaper, my hair is sticking up all crazy and I’m naked,” said the homeowner, who asked that his name be withheld for safety reasons. “I’m not sure if (the burglar) was more afraid of me or the gun.”

As always, read the rest here or stare the smoking hot redhead.

Humpday History Highlight

HHH Logo

July 16, 1779 – Anthony Wayne Earns His Nickname

On this day in 1779, American Brigadier General Anthony Wayne launches a coup de main against British fortifications at Stony Point, New York, on the orders of General George Washington. He earns the moniker “Mad” Anthony Wayne for the ensuing maneuver.

The British fort on the cliffs at Stony Point overlooking the Hudson River threatened West Point, which was only 12 miles upriver. Wayne, at the head of 1,200 light infantry, successfully assaulted what the British believed was an impregnable position, losing only 15 killed and 83 wounded while the British lost 94 killed and wounded and 472 captured. Remarkably, the attack took place under cover of darkness, employed only bayonets as weaponry and lasted a mere 30 minutes. Two days later, Wayne, now dubbed “mad” for his enthusiastic and successful undertaking of a mission that had seemed doomed to failure, destroyed the fortifications and evacuated the area. Congress rewarded Wayne’s efforts with a medal.

Hard. Core. Wayne was a local boy, born in Easttown Township, in Chester County, Pa. Wayne, Pennsylvania, a Philadelphia suburb, is named for General Wayne.

Jersey City Police Officer Murdered

Memorial To Cop Killing POS Lawrence CampbellEditor’s Note: This post contains quite a few “sentence enhancers.”

On Sunday, a scumbag thug ambushed Jersey City, NJ Police Officer Melvin Santiago, fatally shooting him. The scumbag thug was shot and killed by other officers on the scene.

Guess who is being memorialized today?

“Rest easy,” “Thug in peace” and “See u on the other side” were among the things friends wrote to Lawrence Campbell, who police say ambushed Officer Melvin Santiago early Sunday as he responded to an armed robbery call at a 24/7 pharmacy. Other officers returned fire, killing Campbell.

I hope every fucking person who attended that memorial loses someone close to them in a violent manner. Since it’s Jersey City, it won’t be long.

“He was a good man. He looked out for everybody on the block,” [Barbara] Jones told the newspaper.

Yeah, and I’m sure he also went to church every Sunday. Fuck you, Barbara Jones…

Continue reading

Above The Flaw

Lara Stone

Cheer up, ladies; Lara Stone, Supermodel, wants you to know you all have massive, ugly flaws which can’t be airbrushed away. So buck up, little campers while she enjoys a Frappuccino.

She’s a supermodel, a mother to one-year-old Alfred and wife to comedian and TV star David Walliams, yet Lara Stone insists she has flaws and imperfections as much as the next person.,..and is proud of it too. Lara told Net-A-Porter’s digital magazine The Edit that she knows exactly what it is like to feel uncomfortable in your clothes.

“Everyone’s got arm flab or saggy boobs,” she said. “It’s the way it is. I’m just trying to accept it right now. And it’s OK, because the things women can do with their bodies are amazing.”

Agreed! My personal favorite is how they can make me a sammich.

Pearls Before Wine

Bottles Of WineDoctors are warning the middle-aged away from drinking wine at night, claiming it may cause health problems later. Hear that, ya lousy drunks?

The middle-aged are to be warned by GPs not to share a bottle of wine a night because they think they have “earned a rest.” Guidelines from the health watchdog NICE tells doctors to urge patients in their 50s and 60s to take more exercise, lose weight and cut back on alcohol to prevent dementia and other illnesses.

Importantly, GPs will be told to inform patients that even sticking within the Government’s safe alcohol guidelines of two units a day for women and three for men raises the risk of future illness.

Pfft, then drink it when the sun is up. Who’s up for a day load?

By the way, I love how the UK Daily Mail defines “middle-aged” as folks in their 50s and 60s. As if you see tons of 120-year olds running around.

Release The Jacken!

Jack Bauer Live Another DayWell, after nine seasons – and a four-year hiatus – 24 has left the building. If nothing else, Jack Bauer went out with a bang, killing 19 evildoers in the series finale.

While the end of 24 was a sad event, the end of Blogs4Bauer was an emotional one. I, along with a handful of terrific bloggers, spend nine years there, blogging, laughing, and putting B4B on the map. We got Talk Like Jack Bauer Day off the ground, the bloggers entered me into the Urban Dictionary, and we received praise from some fairly famous people, like Hugh Hewitt and Debra Norville.

In between, we put out some pretty funny stuff:

Obama Heller

It’s difficult to accept it’s over, and to be honest, I still don’t really accept it – which is why I can’t see myself ditching SYLG any time soon. I’ve simply put too much work into this to throw it all away, especially since I don’t have a Chloe O’Brian to recover the lost files. (Sorry, Jim. You’re good, but you’re not Chloe.)

I wanted to thank my co-bloggers, who put in yeoman’s work above and beyond what they did on their personal blogs. I want to thank all the readers, who made B4B – like SYLG – less of a blog and more of a family. Finally, I wanted to thank Jack Bauer for all the good times. You’re bullet-shooting, knife-plunging, neck-breaking exploits entertained me greatly, and led me toward many new good friends.

Surfin’ Bird!

Kyle Surfing

Last week, Kyle and three of his soccer teammates went to the Jersey shore. One of the parents owns a house there and took then in for a few days. The itinerary consisted of the usual fare – ice cream, arcade, ice cream, etc. – except for this: surfing lessons. The parent made all the arrangements, and while Kyle was the only one really psyched to surf, the rest of the boys followed suit.

The day was miserable – clouds and rain – but Mother Nature cooperated enough for the lessons to continue. The four boys were split among the two instructors – who were, sadly, not the typical surfer dudes. (I didn’t hear either of them call one of the boys “Brah.” So disappointing.) They had the boys lie the boards on the sand to practice how to go from the prone to the standing position. When they were confident enough, the boys hit the waves.

And yes, Kyle gladly picked the pink and purple board when his teammates refused.

The first few attempts were not exactly perfect, but Kyle was standing by his fifth try. In fact, he rode a wave in beautifully before easing his board right to compensate. After watching him for the hour, I realized surfing is like golf. You can bail and face-plant a hundred times, but the one time you catch the perfect wave makes it all worth it.

Kyle really enjoyed surfing, and is already asking if he can rent a board when we go to the shore this summer.