Category Archives: The Job

Delivery Us From Evil

Michael Harp KentuckyA Kentucky man was so appreciative of the officers who arrested him, he went out of his way to thank them… in thirty minutes or less.

Michael Harp, 29, was collared Tuesday afternoon and locked up at the police station in Corbin, a city in the Kentucky’s southeastern corner. While behind bars, Harp asked for permission to use his cell phone. Shortly after Harp made a call, a Domino’s delivery worker arrived at the precinct with five pepperoni pizzas. Patrolman Jeff Hill–unaware that a prank had been played–went ahead and paid $40 for the pizzas.

Not amused by the pizza prank, officers launched an investigation and quickly linked the pizza order to Harp’s phone. A Domino’s worker told cops that, after receiving the order, they placed a confirmation call to the number. Police allege that Harp “answered as Captain Wilson” when he spoke to the Domino’s employee.

Harp, who had originally faced only misdemeanor counts, was hit with three additional charges, including felony identity theft and impersonating a police officer. (H/T – Loki)

Come on, guys, where’s your sense of humor? Suck up the $40 and enjoy the pizza.

Jersey City Police Officer Murdered

Memorial To Cop Killing POS Lawrence CampbellEditor’s Note: This post contains quite a few “sentence enhancers.”

On Sunday, a scumbag thug ambushed Jersey City, NJ Police Officer Melvin Santiago, fatally shooting him. The scumbag thug was shot and killed by other officers on the scene.

Guess who is being memorialized today?

“Rest easy,” “Thug in peace” and “See u on the other side” were among the things friends wrote to Lawrence Campbell, who police say ambushed Officer Melvin Santiago early Sunday as he responded to an armed robbery call at a 24/7 pharmacy. Other officers returned fire, killing Campbell.

I hope every fucking person who attended that memorial loses someone close to them in a violent manner. Since it’s Jersey City, it won’t be long.

“He was a good man. He looked out for everybody on the block,” [Barbara] Jones told the newspaper.

Yeah, and I’m sure he also went to church every Sunday. Fuck you, Barbara Jones…

Continue reading

Man Named Johnson Keeps Viagra In His Car

Gregory Johnson Walmart

Meet Gregory Johnson. Gregory is a former sex offender, but he’s trying to beat the rap.

Gregory Johnson, 53, allegedly parked next to the family – which included a child under the age of 16 – at a Walmart store in Apopka, then got out of his vehicle and began masturbating. The woman called police, who tracked down and searched Johnson’s vehicle, where they say they found a black bag full of Viagra and condoms.

Johnson, a registered sex offender, was on probation for alleged sexual assault. On Thursday, he was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior and violation of probation.

So the cops spanked Johnson with another arrest? Hopefully, he’ll face a stiff penalty.

Popo-klahoma!

Ada's Plastic PopoThe Ada, Oklahoma Police Department is staffed by a bunch of dummies.

Ada, Oklahoma’s cash-strapped police department can’t afford another traffic cop so it has turned to a CPR dummy named “Plastic Popo” to keep the peace. When dressed up in a blue police uniform and put behind the wheel of a police car, Plastic Popo looks enough like a human officer to get speeding drivers to slow down.

“We can’t keep people in every neighborhood that they complain about speeders, but we can put that car there and let it sit all day and it will slow people down,” Ada Police Chief Mike Miller told News9.com.

But just because Popo isn’t real doesn’t mean he can’t be hurt on the job. His car was recently hit head-on and had to be towed off for repairs.

Now, like every cop injured on the job, Plastic Popo will apply for disability benefits and sue the city for pain and suffering.

Tales Of The Obvious

BET Stabbing Victim

Set your faces to stunned: There was violence during a BET Awards after-party.

Police say a man has been shot dead and four were wounded when a gunman opened fire at Monalizza Restaurant and Banquet Hall in East Hollywood about 5.15am Sunday. Rapper The Game is believed to have been in attendance at the party.

The two events ahead of Sunday night’s show were “unauthorized and unaffiliated with the BET Awards,” BET said in a statement. “The network and all organizers will continue to maintain a safe environment for all planned activities,” the statement said.

Police say a man in his 30s was stabbed after a fight broke out at a different party hosted by rapper Meek Mill at Lure Nightclub in Hollywood about 9pm Saturday.

The Daily Mail article snarks about the officer making no move to help the stabbing victim. The wound wasn’t life-threatening, brah; that’s what rescue is for.

New York Man Finally Gets The Point

New York Man With Knife In BackMeet Andrew Hardy. Andrew is a hard-working shlub who is just trying to make his way in this topsy turvy world. Sadly, the world keeps sticking it to him.

Andrew Hardy, 53, his shirt drenched in blood, appeared remarkably composed as he paced about the Jamaica restaurant at around 10 a.m., witnesses said. [W]orried fast-food patrons put down their Egg McMuffins to keep Hardy steady on his feet until medics could arrive.

Hardy was knifed a few minutes earlier when he tried to break up a mob of men hurling glass bottles at each other on Sutphin Boulevard near 91st Street, sources said. The brawl was just two blocks from the busy Jamaica Station commuter hub, which was bustling with Long Island Rail Road, subway and AirTrain riders.

Look, Drew took a stab at helping people, and he failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.

Minnesota Thug Wigs Out After Burglary

Nicholas Wig

Nicholas Wig is a special kind of stupid; so much so he needs to show it off while he is at work. His occupation? Burglar.

The victim of the alleged crime, James Wood, told police he returned to his home last week to find it ransacked and several items were stolen. He said then he also noticed that on his computer screen was a Facebook page belonging to one Nicholas Wig.

Police say Wig actually stopped to check his Facebook profile while committing his crime, and left if open. So Wood left his phone number on Wig’s page. And who should text him but Wig himself.

Wood explains, “I replied, ‘You left a few things at my house last night how can I get them back to you.’”

Wood had police waiting for Wig, who showed up at the house a short time later to get some other items he left behind. (H/T – Smite and 911)

Nicholas also believes he literally has Prince Albert in a can, the word “gullible” doe snot appear in the dictionary, and Ben Affleck was a good choice for Batman.

Texas Mom Gives Her Kids Surf And Turf

Kisha Young

Meet Kisha Young. Kisha is such a huge fan of surfing she gives her children free lessons.

According to the Cowley [Texas] Police Department, 39-year-old Kisha Young was arrested Tuesday for intoxication assault, a third degree felony.

Police said she allowed a total of six kids between the ages of 8 and 14 to climb on the trunk and hood of her car because their clothes were wet from swimming.

Young is the mother of several of the children. Police say Young called 911 when four of the children fell off the car and got hurt. (H/T – 911)

Yes, why waste energy by throwing the clothes in the dryer when the kids can simply blow dry? Oh, and I may be wrong, but is that’s her mug shot, Kisha doesn’t seem remorseful.

The Naked Stun

Suzanne HussainMeet Suzanne Hussain. Suzanne does not appear to be Muslim, but she is definitely an extremist; if you believe it’s extreme to vandalize a stranger’s home while naked.

Around 6:40 p.m. Friday, a Calhoun-area homeowner reported she’d returned home to find her home vandalized and a naked woman inside, the Gordon County Sheriff’s Office said Tuesday. Deputies searched the Nelson Lake Road home, where they found the suspect hiding in a closet, Sheriff Mitch Ralston said.

The suspect, Suzanne Hussain, 34, lives about seven miles away and didn’t know the homeowner.

“Ms. Hussain was in fact nude, and was acting abnormally, but was taken into custody without further incident,” Ralston posted on the sheriff’s office website. “The house was extensively damaged, including having been flooded.” (H/T – Rick)

Good Lord, I hope the house was flooded with water and not naked lady fluids. By the way, Suzanne’s mug shot really brings out the cray-cray in her eyes.

Denver Police Crack The Case

Isaac VigilMeet Isaac Vigil.

Isaac has a drug problem and a gun problem, but most of all, he has a space problem. There simply is not enough space for him to keep his stuff. The “stuff” in this case being his drugs and firearms.

Denver Police say the suspect, 32-year-old Isaac Vigil, was being transported to the police station in handcuffs when he pulled a gun from the crack of his buttocks and fired at officers. The report released by the Denver District Attorney says Vigil fired at officers twice before his gun jammed.

After his arrest, police say Vigil threatened several times to shoot the officers and that he wanted to die. He also allegedly told police he had been smoking meth for three days and did not want to go back to prison. Officers say when they arrived at the police district, Vigil refused to get out of the car and fired two shots from behind his back. That’s when police shot at him, injuring him in the stomach.

According to the report, Vigil had two baggies of meth hidden in his “rectal area.” The recovered Raven P25 Auto .25 handgun allegedly fired by Vigil at police had the serial number filed off.

Depending upon how long the pistol was lodged in Vigil’s butt crack, the serial number may have simply melted off.