Up And Running

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Jennifer Love Hewitt Womens RunningMega-busty actress Jennifer Love Hewitt wants people to know she feels comfortable in her own skin. That admission is much easier when you have a personal trainer.

Jennifer Love Hewitt spends most of her time in lingerie on her racy TV show The Client List. The actress has revealed that her confidence onscreen is derived from feeling comfortable in her own skin.

“I’m an actress, I live in L.A., I work in Hollywood,” the star explained. “But I’ve learned that if you’re too skinny, they’ll say something about it. If you’re not skinny enough, they’ll say something about it. I just try to feel good in my own skin as much as I can.”

Obviously, this post is here because Jennifer’s D-cups runneth over, but I have a question about this magazine. Why is there a separate publication devoted to women’s running? Do women do anything different than men when they’re out for a jog? Do they swing their arms in a particularly unique way? Does their menstrual cycle affect their stride? Help me out here.

Weekend Caption Contest

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Red Beret Training

He Wore A Raspberry Beret Caption Contest
(Source: Yahoo!)

Caption this photo in the comments section or e-mail me your photoshop entries. The winners will be posted on Monday, May 27th. Good luck!

Original Caption: Servicemen from the Interior Ministry’s special unit run through an obstacle course as they take part in a test near the village of Gorany, some 32 km west of Minsk, May 21, 2013. Servicemen have to pass several tough tests before being awarded entry to the ministry’s elite “Red Beret” unit.

Other Current Contests:
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
Wizbang

You’ve Got To Know When To Holder…

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Eric Holder DismissalYesterday, the “president” claimed he is concerned about the DoJ’s targeting of journalists, and wants Eric Holder to investigate. Holder approved the search warrant that seized the e-mails of Fox News reporter James Rosen.

So Obama is ordering Eric Holder to investigate… Eric Holder.

President Obama is a little uneasy with the way journalists have been dragged into the Justice Department’s aggressive pursuit of national security leak investigations. In fact, he has ordered Attorney General Eric Holder to conduct a 45-day review of the department’s guidelines on the issue.

That bit of news was buried in the middle of the president’s hour-long speech today at National Defense University.

And then the news: “I have raised these issues with the attorney general, who shares my concern. So he has agreed to review existing Department of Justice guidelines governing investigations that involve reporters, and will convene a group of media organizations to hear their concerns as part of that review. And I have directed the attorney general to report back to me by July 12th.”

Kabuki theater, my friends. This is all kabuki theater.

Have A Great F**king Weekend

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Fucking Austria street signMy good friend Easily Lost apparently spends her days surfing Google Earth and Mapquest for funny place names.

Thankfully, she’s pretty f**king good at it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Fucking, Austria.

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin.

The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303, Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling Fucking in the 18th century, which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book. The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, thus Fucking means “(place of) Focko’s people.”

My mother’s side of the family has some roots in Austria. Considering my (and Dr. Evil’s) personality, I wouldn’t be surprised if our ancestors ran that town.

The Coolest Comic Book Guy You’ve Never Heard Of!

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detail

He’s over 1200 years old! He has rotting flesh! He sacked Rome! He is so obscure even other comic book die-hards have no clue who is! Am I starting to sound like a hipster yet?

His name is Terror and he starred in the aptly named Terror Inc. In the mid to late eighties Marvel experimented with the supernatural in the comic books. Blade, Dracula, and a Ghost Rider resurgence led the charge. While I absolutely love Ghost Rider, and it pains me that jack hole Nicholas Cage was in the movies, none could hold a torch Terror. Terror had the most unique and grossest super power I’ve ever seen. He stole people’s body parts!

As I mentioned before he has constantly rotting flesh. This is due to what else? Magic! Terror’s origins start off with him as a Visigoth sacking Rome. A Magic user is so appalled by the savagery of the Goths she releases a demon to fight the Visigoths. Terror kills the demon of course, but there in lies the trap! The demon passed a part of itself onto Terror as a curse. Because of this, Terror’s flesh is constantly rotting and he is forced to find replacement parts. Pretty cool huh? His hand even secrete a type of acid so is makes ripping people’s parts off easier. He can even rip off his own head and place it upon someone else’s body! Of course there it gets awesomer. Whatever you were in life, say a diesel mechanic, once Terror places your body part upon himself he gets all your talents. Yep! Lop off your hand, attach to self, fixing engines seconds later! My favorite scene of this was when he had to do an autopsy. He is reviewing everything he needs. knife? check. Facemask, check. Coroner, check. Lying on a tray was two hands and a nose. SWEET. Of course there was a downside to this.

Along with gaining talents Terror also gained personality traits for a while. AND he gained the subjects memories. Imagine to be forced to vividly relive another’s greatest and darkest memories all at once. I could not think or a worse curse! The memories of someone else you have to live through, and then having them slowly slip away as the flesh rots. By far some damn good story telling.

I bring him up because there are rumors of Marvel making an animated movie about Terror that would be rated R. Doubtful the Fourth Reich known as Disney would allow this, but a guy can dream! (Oh, and sorry for the lateness of this. Walked the roomie’s pooch before the rain, then we both fell asleep on the couch. Oh, and for tomorrow’s post get your tissues ready. I will be one upset Evil Doctor tomorrow.

May I Czech Your ID?

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Homer Simpson Beer Pyramid

You gotta hand it to the Czech Republic; they make Kentuckians look like pikers.

Czech police found a million liters of illegal alcohol hidden in underground tanks in one of the biggest seizures of untaxed booze ever.

Police have been chasing a widespread web of untaxed alcohol makers and distributors since a batch that included poisonous methyl alcohol killed 45 people and forced the government to ban all liquor sales for several weeks in September last year.

A spokesman said officers found the illicit booze at several unused industrial sites around the steel-making and mining center of Ostrava, in the eastern Czech Republic near Polish and Slovak borders, and at a site near the northern German border.

The Czech Republic is one of Europe’s heaviest drinking countries, and the world’s leader in per-capita beer consumption of around 140 liters per year.

Damned right! We like to party… because everything in the former Czechoslovakia is gray.

Britain-y Fears

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Imma Let You FinishRemember the gold old days when England was the most powerful and feared nation on Earth? They kicked ass, took names, and practically ruled the civilized world.

Now they disarm their soldiers and cower to Islamists.

Security was tight this morning at the army barracks near the scene of yesterday’s killing.

The Ministry of Defence said: “As a result of the incident in Woolwich, a number of additional security measures have been put in place. As you would expect, we would not talk about the details of these measures.”

Troops in London were advised in the immediate aftermath of yesterday’s attack not to wear their uniforms outside their bases.

The Ministry of Defence came to their senses this morning, and rescinded the advisory, but the fact that their first thought was to cower to Islamist animals saddens and sickens me.

Tighten Your Grip

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Sandra GalAnd as always, watch your stance. Come to think of it, let’s watch the stance of the ten hottest women in golf…

While not purely on the subject of sports equipment, all of these beautiful ladies started their careers with a cut down set of their parents clubs. So here you go! The Top 10 Hottest Women Golfers (in no particular order).

9. Gal tied for 14th in the 2007 LPGA Final Qualifying Tournament to earn full playing privileges on the LPGA in 2008; she turned professional immediately following the tournament. In her fourth season on the LPGA Tour in 2011, Gal won her first event at the Kia Classic in late March. She finished the 72-hole event at 16-under-par, one stroke ahead of runner-up Jiyai Shin Previously her best finish had been fifth at the 2009 LPGA Corning Classic. Also in 2009, she recorded two career-low rounds of 64. (H/T – Rick)

How Gal only came in at #9 is beyond me. I figured she’d be better suited at #6. Heh.

Root Canal Take Two

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batman07

Mirror! THE MIRROR!!!!!!

I had to go for my root canal follow up over lunch. I made the god awful decision to NOT be numbed up. The nerve was pulled out, how much pain could there be, right? WRONG. The drilling of another hole in my teeth didn’t bother me. The chlorine like cleanser being shot into the hole to kill germs didn’t bother me. So far, we were doing alright.

That all changed when the Fire Nation attacked! The doc had to plug the hole. He shot some sort of vicious black liquid into my tooth that hardens as it cools, like cookies or an erect Ice-Man. Well the doc used too much of the fire liquid and burned through into my gum line. I was this close to reaching out and grabbing him by the throat. My entire mouth felt like it had just bit into a Mango Habanero wing. The liquid’s fury could only be compared to a woman scorned with the fury in which hell hath no! Like LIQUID HOT MAGMA. It burned for about an hour. Like a good middle-class American I went back to work so the people who use their ACCESS cards to buy cigarettes wouldn’t have to fret.

I consider my self a tough dude. I’ve taken by fair share of punches and (non-drug) blunt objects as my time as a bouncer. But I am a kitten when it comes to mouth and foot pain. HATE IT. Fortunately it’s almost done. The tooth in question was cracked in half in an unfortunate ice accident a year ago. Next up is to get a crown and my smile will look diabolical again!!!!

Humpday History Highlight

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Annika SorenstamMay 21, 2003 – Annika Sorenstam Makes History

On May 22, 2003, golfer Annika Sorenstam becomes the first woman to play in a PGA tour event since Babe Didrikson 58 years earlier, after receiving a sponsor’s exemption to compete in the Bank of America Colonial in Fort Worth, Texas.

At the 2003 Colonial in Fort Worth, Sorenstam measured herself against the best players on the men’s side for the first time. With the exception of Vijay Singh, who stirred controversy saying Sorenstam had “no business” on the course, she was a popular presence with players and fans alike. Her galleries were by far the biggest in the tournament, numbering 50,000 people at times. On her first day, Sorenstam shot a 71, just one over par, putting herself in contention to make the cut and play for the championship. On the second day, she shot a four-over 74, leaving her five-over for the first two days, and missing the cut by four shots. She left the course to a standing ovation.

Of course, the standing ovation was from guys like me who always thought Annika was a hot little Swedish meatball who I’d like to fondue.