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Asteroid Scheduled To Hit Earth!

By Wyatt Earp | July 29, 2010 7:30 pm

Somebody call Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck! We’re doomed!

Actually, if an asteroid is going to strike the Earth, we might as well just give up and do what we always wanted to do. Me? I am going to quit my job and stalk Christina Hendricks full-time.

A GIANT asteroid could be on course to hit Earth causing massive devastation, space boffins revealed today. An international team including NASA experts warned a 560m wide space rock has been discovered heading this way.

If it did hit Earth it would blast a crater several miles wide and could devastate a city the size of London, wreaking death and destruction for hundreds of miles in every direction.

Anyone concerned by the warning has one thing to be thankful for — if it does hit it is most likely to happen in 2182.

2182? Why the hell would I care, then? I’ll be long since dead. Okay folks, you may now resume your regularly scheduled lives.

Topics: Snarkasm | 9 Comments »


Star Wars On A Subway

By Wyatt Earp | July 29, 2010 1:00 pm

How’s this for a great idea? An improv troupe dresses up, walks onto a crowded subway car, and acts out great film scenes. This, my friends, is teh awesome.

My only beef is that this never happens to me when I’m in New York. (H/TMaetenloch)

Topics: Coolness!, Video | 7 Comments »


True Detective Stories

By Wyatt Earp | July 29, 2010 6:45 am

I hate my job.

No wait, that’s not entirely accurate. I love my job, but I hate a lot of the people I have to deal with on a daily basis. It’s not just the felons, mind you; it’s also the idiots who come to our front window in search of answers – and a brain. Thankfully, I am there to help. I’m North Philly’s version of the Wizard of Oz.

So this Scarecrow comes to the window and stares at the big sign that says, “Please Slide the Window.” He reads it, looks at me, and looks at the sign again. Here we go. Read the rest of this entry »

Topics: True Detective Stories | 16 Comments »


Humpday History Highlight

By Wyatt Earp | July 28, 2010 7:45 pm

Are you one of those folks who think 9-11 was the first time a plane struck a building in New York? If so, you would be sadly mistaken.

July 28, 1945 – Plane Crashes Into Empire State Building

A United States military plane crashes into the Empire State Building on this day in 1945, killing 14 people. The B-25 Mitchell bomber, with two pilots and one passenger aboard, was flying from New Bedford, Massachusetts, to LaGuardia Airport in New York City. As it came into the metropolitan area on that Saturday morning, the fog was particularly thick. Air-traffic controllers instructed the plane to fly to Newark Airport instead.

This new flight plan took the plane over Manhattan; the crew was specifically warned that the Empire State Building, the tallest building in the city at the time, was not visible. The bomber was flying relatively slowly and quite low, seeking better visibility, when it came upon the Chrysler Building in midtown. It swerved to avoid the building but the move sent it straight into the north side of the Empire State Building, near the 79th floor.

Upon impact, the plane’s jet fuel exploded, filling the interior of the building with flames all the way down to the 75th floor and sending flames out of the hole the plane had ripped open in the building’s side. One engine from the plane went straight through the building and landed in a penthouse apartment across the street.

The B-25 is not exactly a Piper. It’s a big bird, and I can’t imagine what the people in the area thought when they saw it hit the building. I mean besides thinking, “Oh crap!” It’s a miracle only 14 people died.

Topics: HHH | 8 Comments »


Obama Picks The View Over Boy Scouts

By Wyatt Earp | July 28, 2010 1:20 pm

Why does this not surprise me? The president has an opportunity to make a quick appearance at an historic event, but he is deciding to attend some fundraisers and a taping of “The View” instead. I guess he figures the approval of a few shrieking harpies is more important than the opinion of 25 million Boy Scouts.

This man’s priorities just boggle the mind.

President Obama will make history as the first sitting president on a daytime talk show when he visits with the ladies of “The View.” But he’ll be missing out on another historic occasion — the Boy Scouts’ Jamboree marking the group’s 100th anniversary, right in the president’s backyard.

The Jamboree kicked off this week at Fort A.P. Hill in Virginia, where organizers had invited the president to speak to the 45,000 scouts in attendance. All three of Obama’s predecessors have made it to one Jamboree while in office.

But the president will instead be traveling Wednesday to New York for a taping of the ABC show, as well as Democratic fundraisers and a stop in New Jersey.

Read the rest of this entry »

Topics: Politics | 20 Comments »


Daniel Craig Gets A “Tattoo”

By Wyatt Earp | July 28, 2010 7:00 am

Since the Bond series is officially on hold – thanks to the probable insolvency of MGM – Daniel Craig landed a different role than he’s used to playing.

Daniel Craig is trading in 007’s tuxedos and martinis for the life of a schlubby journalist in the American remake of Sweden’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”

In news first reported by Entertainment Weekly and Deadline, Craig has signed on to play Mikael Blomkvist in the American big screen adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s best-selling mystery novel, the Access Hollywood confirmed with Sony Pictures.

I like Daniel Craig. In my opinion, he’s the best Bond since Sean Connery, and he was terrific in the underrated “Layer Cake.” And since the comments from my female readership are down, I figured I owed them something nice.

(Because Mrs. Crankipants asked, there’s another pic below the fold.) Read the rest of this entry »

Topics: Coolness! | 18 Comments »


Barney Frank: Cheapskate

By Wyatt Earp | July 27, 2010 7:30 pm

Isn’t it just amazing when a Democrat who has no problem with making the “little people” spend their hard-earned money makes a scene because he has to spend some. Massachusetts civil servant Barney Frank wants the rest of us to pay for mammoth tax increases and the Democrats’ bulls**t social programs, but he made a public spectacle of himself – again – because he didn’t receive a $1 senior discount.

Yes, I said one dollar.

Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank caused a scene when he demanded a $1 senior discount on his ferry fare to Fire Island’s popular gay haunt, The Pines, last Friday. Frank was turned down by ticket clerks at the dock in Sayville because he didn’t have the required Suffolk County Senior Citizens ID. A witness reports, “Frank made such a drama over the senior rate that I contemplated offering him the dollar to cool down the situation.”

Good job, Massachusetts; thanks for keeping this tool in Congress.

Topics: Politics | 14 Comments »


Ho To Wrestle Ho In New Jersey

By Wyatt Earp | July 27, 2010 1:15 pm

A pr0n star and a woman who tried to sell herself for Phillies tickets will be squaring off in a wrestling ring Thursday night. Really.

Is there nothing people won’t do to hang on to a modicum of fame? If I ever get this hard-up for attention, I give you permission to hit me over the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Susan Finkelstein will be making her pro wrestling debut this Thursday as she fights a porn star and alleged Tiger Woods mistress in New Jersey.

Finkelstein will appear on a card for Big Bang Wrestling in Bellmawr, N.J. against Devon James on July 29. James, 29, recently tried to take Woods to court in a paternity case.

Finkelstein ended a legal battle this spring over her highly publicized case, where she allegedly offered to have sex for Phillies tickets to the 2009 World Series.

I wonder if the promoter is planning on adding Paris Hilton at the end of the year for a ho, ho, ho match?

Topics: Philly | 17 Comments »


Oliver Stone: Not A Big Fan Of The Jews

By Wyatt Earp | July 27, 2010 7:00 am

It’s okay, though, because Ollie is a big fan of Hitler, Stalin, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. They all love the Jewish people, right? Right??

Stone’s documentary entitled, “Secret History of America,” where he attempts to put mass murderers Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin “in context.” I’m guessing he will announce that those 6 million murdered Jews “asked for it.”

Director Oliver Stone belittled the Holocaust during a shocking interview with the Sunday Times today, claiming that America’s focus on the Jewish massacre was a product of the “Jewish domination of the media.”

Stone said that his upcoming Showtime documentary series “Secret History of America,” seeks to put Hitler and Communist dictator Joseph Stalin “in context.”

Here’s context for you. Conservative estimates state that Hitler was responsible for the deaths of some 15 million people, while Stalin was responsible for the deaths of 20 million. That context enough for you, Ollie? Read the rest of this entry »

Topics: People I Hate | 23 Comments »


Man Robs Bank In Clown Pants, Fake Breasts

By Wyatt Earp | July 26, 2010 7:45 pm

Talk about putting the “fun” back in mutual funds! This could only happen in Pennsylvania.

Authorities say a Pittsburgh-area man robbed a bank wearing a woman’s blond wig, fake breasts under a sweater and clown pants.

Swissvale police say 48-year-old Dennis Hawkins of North Braddock was sitting in a parked car covered in red dye from an exploding packet in a bag of money when he was arrested Saturday.

Police Chief Greg Geppert says Hawkins robbed the bank at gunpoint, using a toy BB gun he had shoplifted from a store.

I guess this can be categorized as a funpoint robbery. Ha, I kill me!

Topics: The Job, WTF? | 12 Comments »



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