A Suberian teenager has auctioned off her virginity for $27,700. Who would’ve guessed a chick from Siberia would be frigid?
“Money is urgently needed, so I am selling the most treasured thing,” the 18-year-old wrote on Russian auction website 24au.ru, according to a Huffington Post translation of the text. The woman, who listed her name only as “Shatuniha,” said she was willing to meet the next day. “I can come to a hotel at Predmostnaya [Square] with a certificate proving my innocence.”
Wait a minute; you can’t get soap or toilet paper in Siberia, but this chick has a Certificate Of Authen-ginity? I call bulls**t.
The auction was posted Oct. 30 with a 800,000 ruble price tag, which translates to about $24,600. A day later, someone had bid 900,000 rubles, or about $27,700, in order to deflower her.
Okay, a few points. First, this selling your virginity shenanigans is getting tiresome. Just. Stop.
Second, this broad is hot, but she’s not $27,700 hot. Maybe $10,000 hot. Maybe.
Finally, even if she was $27,700 hot, what kind of toolbox would spend that kind of money to deflower a virgin? Virgins, like bloggers, are terrible in bed. They don’t know what they’re doing, complain when you try to service them, and weep immediately afterward. If you want to spend that kind of money, rent yourself an average-looking 30-ish soccer mom. They’ll do what you want, and be damned grateful for the opportunity.
Shatuniha not only auctioned off her chastity for a hefty sum, she appears to have done it with impunity. Police in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, where the teen lives, told The Siberian Times that she broke no laws.
“[We have] no right to give a moral assessment of the girl’s actions,” officials said.
Even if they did, what are they going to do to her? She’s already in Siberia!