Category Archives: Babes

The Big Bang Theory

Miranda Kerr GQ 2014

Miranda Kerr has an interesting exercise regimen… and it revolves almost exclusively around bookmarking that juicy novel.

In an interview accompanying her steamy – and nearly nude – shoot for GQ, [Miranda Kerr], who split from husband Orlando Bloom six months ago, said that regular sessions between the sheets is what has been keeping her runway ready.

“One thing I’ve noticed is now that I’m having less sex my body isn’t as toned,” the 30-year-old explained. “The more sex I have, the more defined my arms and stomach get.”

Hear that, ladies? If you want to look like a supermodel, you have to have lots and lots of sex!

Oh, and believe me when I tell you this was the ONLY photo from the article I could legitimately post here. The others are NSFW, but feel free to click on the link if you’re into that kind of thing.

Upton Girl

Kate Upton VogueSorry about the late posting – I was without a desk for the first three hours of my tour – but I figured I could make amends with a story about the always fabulous Kate Upton.

In the April issue of Vogue, the 21-year-old – who launched into fame thanks to her buxom 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover – explains that while she “likes being sexy”, she won’t accept just any job.

“I definitely have limits,” she says, adding: “There’s a line between becoming, you know, a little cheap and cheesy versus being sexy. And I try to be very careful of that line.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let’s not give short shrift to cheap. Guys like cheap; well, guys like me do.

Amazin’ In The Sun

Candice Swanepoel

Why, oh why, can’t a stranger walk up and offer me this Candi?

She may be one of Victoria’s Secret’s biggest stars but Candice Swanepoel was acting like no Angel during a photo shoot. The model was in Fernando de Noronha, Brazil, where she writhed on the sand while leaving little to the imagination as photographers clicked away.

The 25-year-old was wearing a blue shirt that was almost entirely unbuttoned, with nothing whatsoever underneath. Candice showcased plenty of cleavage in the sexy look, while a team were on hand to ensure she didn’t suffer a wardrobe malfunction.

Has the whole world gone mad? There should be a team on hand specifically to ensure she suffered a wardrobe malfunction! Cripes, must I do all the thinking around here?

Irish Actor Gives Women The Troubles

Jamie DornanAfter yesterday’s Debbie Downer of a St. Patrick’s Day post, I realized some things are better kept to oneself. So, to make it up to at least half my audience, I present this

31-year-old Jamie [Dornan] grew up in the suburbs of Belfast, Northern Ireland, and is the second cousin (twice removed) of Greer Garson. Along with a very successful modeling career, he’s flourishing on the big and small screen, with roles on Once Upon A Time, The Fall and he’s currently filming one of the most hotly anticipated spectacles of next year, Fifty Shades Of Grey.

There’s no way this guy is getting through TSA with that bazooka in his pants.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

susanSaint Patrick’s Day is a mixed bag for me. First, while I am part Irish – and let’s honest, everyone in America is part Irish, so you’re not all that special – I don’t really acknowledge that part of my heritage. That’s obviously my issue, but there it is.

Second, my maternal grandfather would have been 102 today, so this day is very special to me. I loved him more than anyone I have ever known. That’s not a slight to the rest of my family, but everything I am is due to my grandfather. I miss him every single day.

Finally, one year ago today, I lost my friend, co-worker, and sometime partner Babs Parler to cancer. Babs and I worked together in patrol – oftentimes in a wagon – and in the same detective division. We got along so well because we were so similar – funny, snarky, and a short fuse for stupid people. Babs battled cancer for a long time and took the abuse with good cheer. It was only toward the end I noticed she was getting down. She lost half her weight and was a shell of her former self. Babs was sitting at my desk and said, “I can’t fight anymore.” What do you say to that?

She passed away two weeks later, on Saint Patrick’s Day.

Yeah, I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, and I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer. I hope you guys have a great day, and if you go out tonight, please don’t drink and drive.

Broken English

Emily Nesbit Cumberland Valley High SchoolMeet Emily Nesbit. Emily is a teacher at Cumberland Valley High School, and she really cares about her students; so much so she allegedly performed a sex act on one of them in her classroom. Classy!

While the victim is at the age of consent officials in Pennsylvania said his age was irrelevant where teachers are accused of sexual misconduct with their students. Nesbit, an 11th grade English teacher, came under suspicion after another student noticed the text messages from her on the boy’s cell phone. Court documents reveal that Nesbit and the teen were in regular contact for two months.

Nesbit, who was the student’s English teacher at Cumberland Valley High School in Cumberland County, sent him text messages that police said implied she had a desire to have sex with him. They also exchanged photographs of each other in various states of undress.

Ho. Lee. Crap! When did teachers become so smokin’ hawt… and so batsh*t insane? If Nesbit had any sense, she’d deny all charges by explaining, as an English teacher, she was simply trying to straighten out the student’s Longfellow.

Big shout-out to the douchey student who ratted out the couple, by the way.

I’m Your Captain

Chris Evans In A TowelIn case you haven’t noticed, I am trying to steer away from politics of late. If politics is you bag, I apologize, but I want to alleviate my stress; not increase it. Instead, I’m trying to keep things light, with a combination of oddball stories, naked selfies, and topics which may interest the readers.

This one is for the ladies, who will still complain I don’t do enough to satisfy their needs. (Like I haven’t heard that one before.)

At 32 years old, Chris Evans already considers himself a big homebody. In fact, the Captain America star says he’d much rather relax at home than hit a Hollywood party or nightclub. Evans says he’s definitely thinking about settling down and that means marriage and children.

“I want to get married, though I want children—to me that’s the ultimate thing,” he said. “When you’re old and on your death bed, looking back at your life it’s not going to be the films you’ve made or what you’ve accomplished, it’s the relationships you have. You’re survived by things that matter—the people you love and those who love you back.”

So ladies, which of you want to suck it up, take one for the team, and bear Chris’ children? Anyone? Bueller?


Jennette McCurdy Lingerie Selfie

If you don’t have kids, you probably have no idea who Jennette McCurdy is. The 21-year old actress stars on Nickelodeon programs iCarly and Sam and Cat. Now she’s the unwitting star of a lingerie selfie brouhaha.

Andre Drummond and Jennette McCurdy dated last fall after the NBA player continually gushed over the actress on Twitter.

In response to McCurdy slamming his lip-locking prowess and going off in lengthy, negative detail about him overall, Drummond told TMZ: “There’s a lot of false info in there, but I’ll be the mature person about the situation and let it die out.”

Which he very well may have done. Or he may have gone in the opposite direction and anonymously leaked three racy Jennette McCurdy pictures online.

Okay, a few thoughts. First, releasing private selfies is the ultimate dick move; a move I completely expect from a scumbag like Drummond. Second, McCurdy should know better than to hook up with an NBA player; many of them act like Rapey McRapersons.

And finally, where has McCurdy been hiding that body? Holy sh*t snacks!

BTW, here’s the toolbag in question. Not exactly Daniel Craig.

Star Trek Into Awkwardness

Chris Pine Shirtless

Buzzfeed writer Lauren Yapalater really likes actor Chris Pine. And by likes, I think she wants to hit him over the head with a club and drag him back to her tastefully-appointed torture dungeon. But don’t take my word for it…

Excusez-moi while Chris Pine literally just stands here smiling, while holding his stupid shirt looking like a tanned god. Then puts it on EXPOSING HIS BEAUTIFUL ABDOMEN. Beep boop beeep boo bop it’s beautiful.

Wow, Yapalater is really pining for the guy. Oh crap… this is what I sound like during a Christina Hendricks post, isn’t it?

(There are more pics at the link.)

She’s Having A Baby

Scarlett Johansson In Esquire Magazine UK December 2013

Scarlet Johansson’s fiancé finally slipped one past the goalie. The Avengers star is reportedly pregnant with her first child.

Her surprise pregnancy news shocked her film fans when it was announced this week. But the news seems to have come as a surprise to Scarlett Johansson’s film bosses, too.

The 29-year-old actress is reportedly due to welcome her first child into the world with her fiancé Romain Dauriac, 31, in August, but shooting for her upcoming movie The Avengers: Age Of Ultron, may need to be re-scheduled to fit around her growing baby bump.

For the record, besides her obvious beauty and ridiculously smoking hot body, Scarlett Johansson has no redeeming qualities. None. She is a huge liberal, a staunch Barack Obama supporter, and a fervent cheerleader for Planned Parenthood. (Although, if she were really so self-righteous, she’d abort her newly discovered “clump of cells.”)

Now that we got that unpleasant business out of the way…

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