Category Archives: Babes

Into Darkness

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Star_Trek_Into_Darkness_32I’m finally back to full strength after bouts with migraines, a root canal, my job, helping UNCLE RAY lay down about 10 yards of mulch, and maybe 5 hours of sleep in a 72 hour span. Yeah, last week was a big $h#t sandwich and I bit right in. I did however get to see Star Trek: Into Darkness. AWESOME. I won’t spoil anything but highly recommend it. Awesome story, special effects, a few twists, and just (inter)stellar casting (see what I did there?). The only guy I don’t like is Chekov. Call me bat crap crazy but I cannot trust my tactical officer, the guy in charge of weapons, who refers to enemies as Klingon Wessels and Womulan Warbiwds. Just not my cup of Wodka. Most importantly, we are introduced to Carol. Who in the spotted hell is Carol? Say hello to my answer to Christina Hendricks, ALICE SOPHIA EVE!

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Ok, so she doesn’t have chin-line cleavage or fiery red lochs, but gentleman prefer blondes! And if I do too, so apparently do psychopaths! She is just the right amount cute, BLONDE, terrific figure, and a British accent with a non deformed smile. I just want to hold her tushie up to my ear and see if I can hear the ocean! I also recommend her in Entourage and Men in Black III. I think she was also in sex and the City Two. I have testicles so I haven’t seen it.

If Ms. Hendricks is SYLG official babe, I humbly suggest Ms. Eve be our Number Two. Dr. Evil and Number Two. Perfect! Oh, and so no one else get this one liner on me, I’ll take the bullet myself. I know, Ms. Eve is “Out of my League”!

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If You Like Your Dancer, You Can Keep Your Dancer

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Nicole Minetti Tight ShirtFormer Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi’s sex trial is in full swing, and this week’s testimony revealed some rather disturbing news.

The nightclub dancer at the center of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi’s “bunga bunga” sex trial told a court on Friday that guests at the media tycoon’s parties dressed as nuns, nurses and U.S. President Barack Obama.

Glamour model Marysthelle Polanco, one of 14 women who became notorious after they were discovered to be housed at a Milan address at Berlusconi’s expense, dressed up as Obama and Brazilian footballer Ronaldinho, El Mahroug said.

On one occasion [Nicole] Minetti, Berlusconi’s former dental hygienist who graduated to a career in showbusiness and politics, “dressed up as a nun … and as she danced, she took off her clothes and was left in her underwear,” El Mahroug told the court.

The image of Minetti (above) dressed as a nun is, um, intriguing. Ugh, I’m going to Hell.

Pretty In Pink Red

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Molly Ringwald Red Dress

1986 called. They want their hot little redhead back.

She’s more well-known among her Generation X fans for her roles in popular 80s films such as The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink. And now Molly Ringwald is showing off her talents behind the microphone as she promotes her new Jazz album Except Sometimes.

The 45-year-old performed some of her favorite classics in American Jazz on Friday at the Smith Center in Las Vegas. The mother-of-three drew attention to her famous red tresses in an equally bright red sleeveless dress.

Molly is currently performing a two-night stint at the Smith Center in Las Vegas, showing off her vocal prowess as she tackles some of the most iconic songs in American Jazz.

Ringwald was never truly gorgeous, in my opinion, but she was always very cute. This dress, however? Fan-freakin-tastic!

Great Pranking!

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The deliciously sick bastards at Maxim Magazine (an all time fav) just came out with their top 100 Hottest Girlies for 2013.

In a wondrous twist they have included Manti Teo’s fake dead girlfriend. Just absolutely priceless. Hey, I feel a little remorse for the guy but if you get hoodwinked that horribly by the intra-netz you kinda deserve it. I wonder how he even got into such a fine academic establishment as Notre Dame.

Well, redemption is right around the corner Manti. The NFL season is right around the corner, where you can be the best Islander linebacker since Junior Seau. Also a San Diego Charger. (Just don’t end it like him…unless it’s an internet hoax.)

PS- fairly certain I see camel toe. Just sayin…

Florida Educator Fired For Being Too Hot

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Victoria V James

In the American public school system, you can indoctrinate students with liberal positions, dispense condoms to pre-teens, and expel kindergarteners for making “finger guns.” You cannot, however, keep your job if you model on the side.

Martin County High School fired English teacher Olivia Sprauer after principal Alfred Fabrizio learned that she also worked as a professional model under the name Victoria V. James. Her modeling website and Facebook page feature numerous photos of her wearing bikinis and at-times see-through lingerie.

Though most of the poses are bikini-clad, Sprauer is willing to pose for “tasteful” nude photos, according to her website.

“I don’t make pornography,” she said in a statement to The Huffington Post. “I don’t open my legs on camera. I take swimsuit glamor style photography.”

It was too much skin for the school. After Sprauer confirmed to Fabrizio that they were indeed her pictures, she was fired and escorted out of the school.

Friggin’. Ridiculous. Where was Sprauer’s awesome union representation during this debacle? Eh, they were probably in another state protesting a Republican governor.

Oh, Susannah!

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Susannah CollinsWhen people ask me why I have DirecTV, I tell them it’s because my only current alternative is Comcast… and Comcast sucks donkey balls. Sure, the choice means I miss seeing my Flyers play, but it’s well worth it, considering I hold Google in higher esteem than I do the fascist bastards at Comcast.

After this story, I hate Comcast even more.

Comcast SportsNet Chicago reporter Susannah Collins was fired from the network on Thursday after an on-air flub when she said the word “sex” instead of “success.”

Reporting live earlier this week, Collins told viewers that the Chicago Blackhawks hockey team had experienced “a tremendous amount of sex during the regular season.”

Two days after the embarrassing incident, the network said that she no longer worked there: “Due to circumstances unrelated to her on-air remarks Tuesday night, Susannah Collins and Comcast SportsNet Chicago have parted ways,” Phil Bedella, vice president and general manager of CSN Chicago said in a statement.

Firing (the admittedly very hot) Collins for a minor mistake is a dick move. A dick move made by a dick company. Color me surprised.

Table Two Needs A Saucer Of Milk

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Carmen Electra Catsuit

I have to hand it to Carmen Electra; for someone who wants to get back into the spotlight, she is certainly doing all the right things. That’s two mentions here in exactly thirty days. Bravo!

This time last year she was on our screens standing in for Amanda Holden on Britain’s Got Talent. But now 41-year-old Carmen Electra is displaying her own ‘talents’ via social media.

The actress and one-time BGT judge, who also dated Simon Cowell at the end of last year, has been showing off her figure in a revealing PVC outfit.

Wow, PVC. The closest thing I have to plumbing material is my butt crack.

The Round Mound Of Rebound?

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OKC Thunder Cheerleader Kelsey Williams

If you ask blogger Anna-Megan Raley, the the NBA’s Oklahoma City franchise was named the Thunder after one of its cheerleaders clomped onto the court.

A CBS blogger who commented on the perceived weight problem of NBA Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader, Kelsey Williams, has come under fire for labeling her “too chunky” to perform.

Under the pen name “Claire Crawford,” blogger Anna-Megan Raley wrote: “[Mrs Williams] has been criticized by some folks in [Oklahoma] for having ‘pudginess’ around her waistline… Is this chick ‘too chunky’ to be a cheerleader?”

Outraged commenters on the CBS Houston site called for Ms Raley to be fired, with many writing: “This is a disgusting waste of an article.”

Wow, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that about something I wrote, I could retire. Actually, if you’re gonna criticize Kelsey, start with her snaggle-tooth. That said, I think she’s pretty hot, and I certainly wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating sticks of butter.

Who’s Up For Some Rabbit Stew?

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Kym Johnson PETA

Dancer Kym Johnson is the latest celebrity to go full retard for PETA. Sadly, the only way anyone will pay attention to her message is if she’s showing her pink parts.

Australian dancer Kym Johnson stripped down naked for PETA’s latest campaign fighting animal testing. The 36-year-old hoofer cuddled a bunny and flaunted her athletic physique in two different pin-up poses on print ads, shot by photographer Robert Sebree.

In the text, the three-time trophy winner urged shoppers to buy cosmetics and household products only from companies that never test on animals.

I agree. Cosmetics and household items should only be tested on celebrities.

A Modern-Day Anne Of Cleavage

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Jenny Stallard 34F Cans

Britain’s Jenny Stallard has a lovely set of coconuts; and she’s offended when Neanderthals like you stare at them.

Baggy black T-shirts, vice-like sports bras and a collection of thigh-high mini skirts to re-route male attention southwards. I’ve tried everything to divert the opposite sex from staring at my rather ample chest. But no matter what I attempt, I’ve always been known as Jenny With The Big Boobs.

That’s the thing about having a 34F bust: it’s the first thing people see. So, almost inevitably, it becomes your defining characteristic.

I’m sorry Jenny, were you saying something? My eyes were elsewhere.