Category Archives: Evil = Funny

Don’t Call Me Francis

PAPAL WAVEThose of us who were schooled by the Jesuits knew one of our own would be a controversial choice for Pope. That said, Pope Francis has been rock solid… more or less.

Pope Francis may need to go to confession after inadvertently blurting out an Italian F-bomb during his weekly blessing from the Vatican.

“If each one of us does not amass riches only for oneself, but half for the service of others, in this f–k [pause], in this case the providence of God will become visible through this gesture of solidarity,” Francis said to the faithful gathered in St. Peter’s Square, Italian media reported.

His Holiness meant to use the Italian word for “example,” which is “caso.” Instead, he used the word “cazzo,” which Italians use as a synonym for the four-letter obscenity.

I don’t know about you, but I like my pontiffs with a little street in them. Word up, P!

The Wheels On The Bus Go Burn, Burn, Burn

Indy Boys Jet Bus

A Newark, NJ mayoral candidate had his campaign bus torched Sunday morning.

Days after the Newark mayoral race became a two-man campaign, one candidate’s preferred mode of transportation was set on fire next to his Central Ward campaign headquarters. According to a press release from the campaign of South Ward Councilman and Newark mayoral candidate Ras Baraka, the red-white-and-blue Baraka campaign bus was torched early Sunday morning.

According to Capt. John Brown, spokesperson for the Newark Fire Department, the department responded to a 7:01 a.m. phone call about a “small fire” at 421 Central Avenue. The fire was found centered on a seat inside the Baraka campaign bus.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, the guy from Mortal Kombat is running for mayor of Newark? Eh, I guess he’s still more qualified than Barack Obama…

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Classless In Seattle

Seattle Fans Throwing Bottles At PoliceBeing a Flyers fan, I always wanted my team to bring home the Stanley Cup. Once I became a police officer, this is a dream that can be put off for twenty more years.

Yes Seattle, you won the Super Bowl; now you can process the crime scenes.

The cheers, tears and joyful hugs to mark the Seahawks first-ever Super Bowl victory turned violent late last night and early this morning.

Two men were shot and wounded near the massive celebration in Pioneer Square. Bottles and rocks were thrown at Seattle police and the windows of businesses were broken out, said police spokesman Mark Jamieson.

Two shootings, and bottles thrown at police. Even in victory, people have to act like animals.

Blame Canada

Jamie McDonaldOne of my New Year’s resolutions was to be less sarcastic and more caring. Yeah, that resolution lasted for about 35 seconds. Meet Jamie McDonald. This asswipe was running around Canada, and was robbed of his “man bag.”

Take a look at this guy. I doubt he had a man bag to begin with. Zing!

A British adventurer attempting a grueling charity run across Canada dressed as a superhero has been assaulted and robbed. Jamie McDonald, 27, was attacked on New Year’s Eve in the ski resort of Banff, Alberta, and his so-called ‘man bag’ containing computer hard drive, camera and wallet was taken.

Mr McDonald, who suffered blows to the head in the incident, said the bag could be worth a ‘million dollars in fundraising’ and has launched an appeal on social networking sites to get the bag back.

Writing on Twitter, he said: “So I just got beat up, I couldn’t give a s**t but my MAN BAG that got left behind, has my world behind it.”

Strangely enough, Dr. Evil’s man bag was left behind when he started dating again. POW!

Losing Their Religion

WWRL Liberal Radio2014 is already turning out to be a very good year, especially if you live in New York City, Los Angeles, or San Francisco. Those cities are losing their liberal talk radio hosts… thanks to their plummeting ratings.

2014 will mark the beginning of a massive change for liberal talk radio across the country. In New York, WWRL 1600 AM will flip to Spanish-language music and talk, throwing Ed Schultz, Thom Hartmann, Randi Rhodes, and Alan Colmes off the air. In Los Angeles, KTLK 1150 will be dumping Stephanie Miller, Rhodes, Bill Press and David Cruz off the air in favor of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. In San Francisco, KNEW 960 will leave Miller, Hartmann, and Mike Malloy without a radio home in the market.

Thanks to radio consolidation and the secondary status of leftist talk in major markets across the country, the final death knell for liberal talkers could be tolling. Leftist talkers simply don’t have the same radio draw as conservatives…

That’s because conservative talk radio is a million times more entertaining that liberal talk radio. Entertainment, more than messaging, wins listeners. Liberal radio never learned that lesson.

The KTLK situation, where libs are being replaced by Beck, Hannity, and Limbaugh, is the most giggle-worthy. Maybe their arrival will force some libtards to move…

If You Like Your Heroin, You Can Keep It

Heroin Stamped ObamacareMassachusetts police confiscated over 1,000 packets of heroin after a car stop this week. The packets were stamped “Obama Care.”

My guess is this was the “president’s” personal stash.

Massachusetts State Police announced on Friday they had confiscated 1,250 individual bags of heroin, many of them labeled “Obama Care.” According to a statement posted on their Facebook page, the massive stash of illicit drugs was located during a routine traffic stop Friday morning.

“During the stop, evidence of illegal narcotics led to a request for a State Police K9. Trooper David Stucenski and K9 Frankie located 1,250 individual bags of heroin in the vehicle,” the statement said. “Four people were taken into custody and charged with narcotics violations.”

Pictures released of the drugs show them labeled “Obama Care.”

Ironically, ObamaCare probably covers heroin because its distributors are held in higher regard than the eeeeevil pharmaceutical industry.

Cry Freeman

Mandela Billboard Featuring Morgan FreemanAn Indian cloth merchant named Chandrashekhar – he goes by one name… like Cher – erected a billboard to honor the memory of Nelson Mandela. Sadly, the company responsible for designing the billboard suffered a photo FAIL.

An owner of a billboard dedicated to Nelson Mandela was red-faced on Thursday after the discovery that a photo of actor Morgan Freeman was used instead of one of the anti-apartheid hero.

The billboard was erected on the side of a road in Coimbatore as part of memorials across India and the world to Mandela, who died on December 5.

“We should be proud that we were part of an era when they lived,” read the condolence message on the board in Tamil.

Ironically, the first draft of the billboard showed Bea Arthur as Mother Theresa.

Grandpa Goes Out Without A Bang

Caressa Kisses And Johnny OrrisIn hindsight, maybe a contest to get your grandpa laid was rife with logistical problems; such as the lifespan of the contestants.

Johnny Orris, 86, died Thursday, hours before he was supposed to redeem his prize for winning Howard Stern’s “Get My Grandpa Laid competition.” Orris choked on a piece of steak just prior to when he was scheduled to have sex with two women from the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Carson, City, Nev. where prostitution is legal.

“This is the saddest day in Bunny Ranch history, owner Dennis Hof told TMZ as he sat next to a crying Caressa Kisses, who had selected Orris as the winner.

Actually, the saddest day in Bunny Ranch history was the Astro-Glide strike of June 1, 1989.

Dude, Let It Go…

Middle Finger StatueAlan Markovitz is an emotional guy. The Michigan strip club owner took his divorce rather badly, and in an effort to get even, moved next door to his ex-wife, and placed a middle finger sculpture in his front yard.

A Michigan man has erected a giant bronze sculpture of a hand with its middle finger raised in the direction of his neighbor – who also happens to be his ex-wife.

Alan Markovitz, 59, a Detroit strip-club entrepreneur, erected the 12-foot-high, spot-lit sculpture in the backyard of his lakefront Orchard Lake home.

According to Deadline Detroit, the sculpture cost $7,000. But flipping off your ex-wife every single day? For Markovitz, it’s priceless.

Lord knows I hold a grudge, but I’d never shell out $7,000 for something I could do in person, for free, every day.