Category Archives: Evil = Funny

Venezuela Goes Into The Crapper

Venezuela, already a sh*tty country, is about to experience the smell of fear.

First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities – toilet paper. Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the government says it will import 50m rolls to boost supplies.

Economists say Venezuela’s shortages stem from price controls meant to make basic goods available to the poorest parts of society and the government’s controls on foreign currency.

President Nicolás Maduro, who was selected by the dying Hugo Chávez to carry on his “Bolivarian revolution”, claims that anti-government forces, including the private sector, are causing the shortages in an effort to destabilize the country.

Yeah, because we have nothing better to do than destabilize a bunch of a**holes.

Rebel Army Is Guilty Of False Advertising

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Maybe I’m getting older, but this does not look like a group of MILFs I would ever be interested in.

As abbreviations go, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front’s has got to be among the most unfortunate. But this didn’t stop members of the former Muslim rebel group from patrolling the jungles of the Philippines today ahead of the country’s contentious general elections.

But despite the associations that may come with its abbreviated name, MILF is a deadly serious organization.

Don’t I know it. They’re always at soccer practice, forever demanding, and constantly horny. Oh wait, I guess they were talking about the rebels.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

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There’s something seriously wrong with America when Free Comic Book Day turns into an epic battle between good and evil.

A Westbrook man was Tasered by police on Saturday for allegedly assaulting a man dressed as a Stormtrooper and another man dressed as a Ghostbuster, according to police.

Adam Barnes, 31, was arrested on State Street after assaulting two people in costume and threatening police, said Portland police Lt. Gary Hutcheson. He was charged with two counts of assault, disorderly conduct and five counts of criminal threatening because he threatened all five officers at the scene. After refusing to submit to arrest, he was Tasered.

Coast City Comics was hosting an event associated with Free Comic Book Day, a national event, on Saturday, according to Jarrett Melendez, event coordinator.

See? I told that guy he was a little short for a stormtrooper…

Pam Poovey Unavailable For Comment

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Target has apologized to its customers after describing a plus-size dress as “manatee gray.”

Some Target shoppers say a label that listed the color of a plus-size dress as “manatee gray” was insulting.

The label for the same dress in smaller sizes described it as “dark heather gray.” The color switch-a-roo was noticed by online shopper Susan Clemens, who promptly captured images of the color titles and tweeted it at Target.

Target apologized for the label.

Maybe it’s just my warped sense of humor, but I think that is the funniest “mistake” of all time.

America: Land Of The Free (Clinic)

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A new CDC study claims cases of sexually-transmitted diseases in America have grown at an alarming rate. The number is now reaching epidemic levels.

Kim Kardashian hardest hit.

An unsettling new study has revealed a surging number of sexually-transmitted infections in the U.S. – especially among young adults – the CDC reports.

The new survey reports that about 20 million Americans were diagnosed with an STI in 2008 (the most recent year data was available). That figure brings the total number of existing cases to more than 110 million.

So if this study is correct, one in every three Americans’ junk is riddled with warts, polyps, and/or weeping sores.

Oh yeah, I can’t wait to be single again. /snark.

Chicago Set To Close 50 Public Schools

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Remember the uproar in Wisconsin when Governor Scott Walker announced that, in order to rescue the state from fiscal ruin, he would have to establish union reforms? Anarchy reigned, union goons threatened, and teachers were bused in by their Democrat “friends.”

Because, as we all know, Democrats are the best friends a teacher could ever have…

Chicago Public Schools officials are expected to announce about 50 elementary schools will be closed — believed to be the largest number ever closed in one place at one time in the country, the Chicago Sun-Times has learned. Four City Hall sources put the number of closures at 50 or slightly higher.

The district reports a $1 billion deficit by summer. CPS has estimated that each closed school would save $500,000 to $800,000. The district has acknowledged that closing schools won’t save money in the first year but will allow leaders to redistribute resources.

“Redistribute.” New where have I heard that word before? Oh yeah, I heard it from the current American “president,” and echoed by his Democrat minions. Minions like Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter, who announced that twenty-three public schools will be closing this year.

Hmm, a total of 83 schools closing in two cities ruled exclusively by Democrats. Must be a coincidence.

A Golden Parachute That Didn’t Deploy

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When you spend so many years as a police officer, you are bound to come into contact with some really good people. Conversely, you are also bound to come into contact with some real toolboxes.

Meet Ray Goldenberg. Goldenberg was my sergeant during my time in the 24th District in Kensington. Although a sergeant, Goldenberg acted more like a captain. Namely, Captain Sobel. He was a bully and a martinet whose idea of supervision was humiliating you in front of your co-workers, and the public at large.

Goldenberg can now add “arrestee” to his resume.

An ex-police sergeant’s second career – allegedly dealing high-grade marijuana – stopped paying off for him last week when he was busted after supplying a Craigslist drug dealer with pot he sold to an undercover officer.

The drugs, cash and guns confiscated at the Burholme home of ex-cop Raymond Goldenberg, 60, are valued at more than $60,000, police said – more than the former lawman’s $52,840 salary in 2002, his last year on the job, according to city payroll records.

Authorities were led to Goldenberg after a narcotics officer found Jeffrey Simon, 48, a seller who allegedly got his supply from Goldenberg, on Craigslist.org. The officer made a series of buys of weed from Simon, according to court documents.

It probably wouldn’t be very Christian of me to laugh at someone else’s misfortune. Oh well, I can always go to confession. Bawahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Sparing No Expense

While the inauguration in-crowd was wined and dined, Obama’s grunts were served food fit for a serf.

Of course, questioning the inauguration menu is racist. Or something.

They knocked on doors for him and helped him win re-election, but when Obama supporters put on their tuxedos and ball gowns to celebrate the start of his second term in office, they feasted on pretzels, peanuts and Cheez-its.

“This is the food? I’m not too thrilled about it. It’s for the birds,” said Ben Shelly, who helped mobilize support for Obama on the Navajo reservation in Arizona.

One floor down in a concrete basement nearly a third of a mile long, horn-rimmed hipsters, thirty-something Latino couples and middle-aged African-Americans lined up for $10 cocktails and $3 bottles of water. While some got tickets for as little as $60 each, organizers asked wealthy donors to kick in as much as $1 million to cover the costs.

Bawahahahaha! Millions of dollars to cover the costs and the peons snack on Cheez-Its, pretzels, and peanuts. Classy guy, that Obama.

Morning Gore-y, Evening Disgrace

Meet South Africa’s Chantal Beyer. Chantal is an animal-loving hippie, and she spent some time at an animal refuge this week.

Chantal’s guide asked her to move closer to the rhino so he could take her picture. Big mistake.

Chantal Beyer, 24, was visiting the South African nature park with her boyfriend when they stopped to look at some rhinos. [G]uide Alex Richter then advised them to stand a little closer seconds before the animal gored her from behind.

Just after the picture was taken, a huge bull rhino attacked, and its horn penetrated Ms Beyers’ chest from behind, resulting in a collapsed lung and broken ribs.

Ms Beyer is now in an intensive care unit where she is said to be in stable condition.

Thankfully, Spider-man arrived moments later and transported The Rhino to Ryker’s Island.

Dance On Da Ground, Dance On Da Ground

Delly’s lookin’ like a fool with her dance on da ground . . .

A dancer was knocked unconscious when she smashed her head on the ground following a failed dance routine live on Peruvian television.

Delly Madrid, who is also a model, was performing on the dancing program when she attempted to balance on a bamboo pole being held by two other dancers.

But as the 32-year-old balanced on the prop it collapsed and she crashed face-first to the floor. Immediately after the fall, the startled dancer can be seen clutching her head and trying to rise but she eventually collapses on to the ground.

Thankfully she hit her head, so there was no permanent damage. And because I love you so, there is video below the fold. Enjoy!

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