The Chairman Of The Broad

Christina Hendricks Moving DayYou may find this hard to believe, but I have a backlog of Christina Hendricks stories in my e-mail, most from the Daily Mail. It’s a nice problem to have.

The UK Daily Mail is the semi-professional version of SYLG. It’s chock full of stories about hot babes, stupid people, and Christina Hendricks. Their specialty is snapping pics of She Who Would Have My Babies in drool-worthy ensembles. Today’s ensemble happens to be leather pants and a lace top.

While I’m at it, let me say a word about lace. Women should wear lace in every outfit – from swimsuits to sweatpants – and if the lace is barely covering skin, more the better.

She is known for her role as the sultry and immaculate Joan Harris in the hit TV show Mad Men. And while her on-screen character never has a hair out of place, Christina Hendricks looks like she enjoys dressing down on her days off, as she stepped out in a pair of tight black leather trousers and a cleavage baring lace top.

Walking in the hot West Hollywood sun, the 38-year-old wore a pair of stylish cat-eyes sunglasses, behind which she went make-up free, showing off her flawless complexion in all its glory.

Christina proved that she is frugal when it comes to money as she carried her rattan chair to a furniture store for repairs.

Um yeah, that’s my bad, I was stalking visiting Christina through her bedroom window the front door when I accidentally stepped on the chair, putting my show right through it.

Humpday History Highlight

Union Pacific Big Boy

Bob’s not the only one who can brag about a Big Boy. Meet locomotive #4014.

In its prime, a massive steam locomotive known as Big Boy No. 4014 was a moving eruption of smoke and vapor, a 6,300-horsepower brute dragging heavy freight trains over the mountains of Wyoming and Utah.

It’s been silent for half a century, pushed aside by more efficient diesels, but now it’s coming back to life. The Union Pacific Railroad is embarking on a yearslong restoration project that will put No. 4014 back to work pulling special excursion trains.

The American Locomotive Co. in Schenectady, N.Y., built 25 of the monsters to Union Pacific’s specifications between 1941 and 1944, and they became legendary. They were the largest steam locomotives ever to work the rugged terrain of the American West, and by most standards the largest anywhere in the world, said Gordon McCulloh, a meticulous historian of Union Pacific steam power. (H/T – Robert B.)

If and when I retire, I always wanted to be a train engineer. Just ridin’ the rails, with a powerful locomotive between your legs… oh wait, I’ve said too much.

It’s Okay, It Was Just Cancer Sex

Katya And ArcherAll of you know I’m a sarcastic jackass – it’s okay; I was born that way – but the reason I continue to be a sarcastic jackass has a lot to do with my environment. You see, I am surrounded by sarcastic jackasses in work, and we feed off each other like teenage girls at a One Direction concert. Case in point:

Two days after my biopsy, I walked into work with a bandage over the stitch. My sergeant was the first to see me and asked if I was covering a pimple. I stopped, looked at him, and in my most serious sarcastic voice said, “It’s stitches from my biopsy. Good to see you find the humor in my pending death.”

Not missing a beat, the sergeant replied, “Well, make sure your reports are all filed before you kick…”

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That’s (NOT) Racist

Jackie_Robinson_No5_comic_book_cover

As Wyatt so politely mentioned, I have been busy as of late. I have been walking a dog, falling in love, plotting world domination, the usual! My posting, which was once a day at some point, has fallen worse than the GNP to maybe once every month. However, something comes along every so often I cannot ignore. Surprisingly, it’s not a ScarJo or Alice Eve nip slip. But if that does happen…

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Today’s Moment Of Stupid

Impatient Rangers Fan

After lacrosse, hockey is my favorite sport. So it shocks and appalls me to see someone so ignorant of the sport sitting in the stands, wasting a ticket which could be used by me. This fan was sitting in Madison Square Garden – a fantastic place to watch a game, by the way – and was caught doing something that should have warranted a puck to the face.

A New York Rangers fan was clearly bored during the team’s matchup against the Carolina Hurricanes on Tuesday, prompting him to look up how many periods there are in a hockey game on his smart phone.

The Hurricanes failed to score after the first period, as the Rangers won handily, 4-1. No wonder this guy was getting impatient. At least he didn’t try to find out how many quarters are in a basketball or football game. (H/T – Mrs. Earp)

Okay, I get it’s New York, and plenty of celebrities/business types go to the game simply to be seen. That said, if you don’t know how many periods are in a hockey game, you are as dumb as you are stupid.

Menstruation For Dummies

CrampsGuys, many women are fond of saying blood flow from the brain makes us stupid.

Correct as that may be, that door apparently swings both ways.

Period pain is a common problem for many women and is known to cause discomfort and, sometimes, nausea. But new research suggests it could also make sufferers less intelligent.

British researchers discovered that the pain reduces cognitive performance. The researchers asked 52 adults with period pain to complete tests that examined their attention.

The tests measured their ability to choose between competing tasks, their attention spans and their ability to switch their attention between two tasks. The researchers found period pain reduced overall performance.

See ladies, we might be obnoxious, sarcastic, insensitive brutes, but you’re all stupid. So stop giving us crap when your Aunt Flo is in town! We’ll remember to take out the trash next week.

The Halfwit Halfback

LeSean McCoy Rips Tebow

People ask me why I despise Philadelphia teams – with the exception of the Flyers and the Union. My answer is simple: Phillies fans are arrogant and obnoxious, and Eagles players are stone cold thugs. Take running back LeSean – if that is his real name – McCoy.

Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy was recently approached by a TMZ reporter at Los Angeles International Airport. McCoy is not a controversial NFL figure, so it promised to be an uninteresting interview. When the first question thrown at McCoy was to ponder if Will Smith or Rocky Balboa was Philadelphia’s biggest star, it appeared the interview would be a catastrophe.

McCoy was later asked who were the best free agents remaining and Tebow’s name was thrown at him. That prompted a cynical look by McCoy.

“Tim Tebow?” McCoy said. “My son’s two. I’ll take my son over Tim Tebow.”

Hmm, strong words from a man who has never won an NFL playoff game, two national titles, or a Heisman Trophy. But whatevs. At least McCoy is a man of strong moral fiber. Or not.

Don’t get me wrong; McCoy is a great player, and statements like these will ensure his employment for many years to come. You see, the NFL embraces everything Tim Tebow does not: drug abuse, domestic violence, and unbridled thuggery.

Yes LeSean, you are a talented player. You are not, however a talented human being.

Mollie Mollie Oxen Free

Zac Efron Shirtless At MTV Movie AwardsEditor’s Note: It has come to my attention that I have terrible taste in men. Normally that would be cause for celebration, since I am rabidly heterosexual, but in this case the opposite occurred. I posted a pic of James Franco and caught hell for it by my “ever-so-loyal” female readers.

So, like a tinpot South American dictator, I was the victim of a coup. Mollie volunteered to scout hot guy posts, and my “ever-so-loyal” female readers seconded her motion.

So since my other guest blogger is simply way too busy being in love – yeah, I’m lookin’ right at you, Dr. Evil – here is Mollie’s first guest post:

I can not believe I missed the MTV movie award show last night! Okay, I can believe it. I’m old.

What I am upset about is the fact that I missed a shirtless Zac Efron. The 26 year old former Disney movie star ( High School Musical) received the award for best shirtless performance for his role in “That Awkward Moment.” The award was presented by Jessica Alba and Rita Ora.

God bless that girl, Rita. I am guessing she missed the movie and a shirtless Zac, because she went up to him and ripped his shirt open. The exposure certainly won’t hurt his career.

Caption Contest Winners

Cryophil Winter Swimmers

The Cold Man And The Sea Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. It was difficult to tell on whom the move to Hoth was hardest: Jabba, or his slave girls. – Matt L.
4. SHRINKAGE!!!! – Rodney Dill
3. Canadians enjoy their July long weekend. – Jenn
2. Three-way by the freeway. – Proof

WINNER! – “Nadia, you and Vlad need to switch places for me to enjoy this!” – Metoo