Category Archives: Snarkasm

Researchers Prove What We Already Knew

Namely, the average conservative is a rugged manly-man, while the average liberal is a mealy-mouthed pantywaist.

I can’t speak for all manly conservative men, but my back hair has back hair!

Men who are physically strong are more likely to take a right wing political stance, while weaker men are inclined to support the welfare state, according to a new study. Researchers discovered political motivations may have evolutionary links to physical strength.

Men’s upper-body strength predicts their political opinions on economic redistribution.

The researchers collected data on bicep size, socioeconomic status, and support for economic redistribution from hundreds of people in the United States, Argentina and Denmark.

You know what “bicep size” is code for, right? That’s right, the Johnson.

Of course, the study is not true for every conservative, nor is it true for every liberal. For some liberals, however, the study is spot on.

Love Roller Coaster

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The city of Seaside Heights, NJ is set to tear down the roller coaster that slipped into the surf during Sandy.

You know, if the city of “Jersey Shore” was so damned tough, they’d leave it up and have the Guidos ride it anyway. Pussies.

Workers are set to begin demolishing perhaps the most famous symbol of Superstorm Sandy’s devastation along New Jersey’s shoreline. They’ll be taking apart the remnants of a roller coaster that plunged off an amusement pier into the ocean.

The work will begin Tuesday afternoon in the summer tourist destination of Seaside Heights after Britain’s Prince Harry finishes a visit.

What the frak? Why the hell would they leave it up for Prince Harry? Is he going to inspect it… or is he planning to bed some lovely goombah ladies atop the tracks?

This Place Must Be Popular With Teh Hoors

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I truly love my readers and commenters. They keep this blog afloat, and occasionally send me some great story ideas. It also helps when a reader “gets me.” When he or she shares my interests… and sick sense of humor.

Easily lost must have been randomly surfing teh innernets when she saw this. I’m glad she did.

Tickle Cock Bridge is a pedestrian underpass in Castleford, England, under a railway line originally built by the York and North Midland Railway between York and Normanton. Built in 1890, the thoroughfare now connects the town’s main residential area with the Carlton Lanes Shopping Center, and is used by 50,000 pedestrians each week. The original Victorian structure, described by the shopping center’s manager as “small, narrow, very low and gloomy” and “frightening to walk through”, was replaced in 2008 as part of an urban regeneration scheme.

The replacement bridge was initially renamed Tittle Cott. After a protest organized by a local over-50s group, Wakefield Council reversed its decision and a plaque bearing the original name, Tickle Cock, was installed.

And really, who doesn’t like it when a tickle cock is installed?

Pretty (Average) Woman

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A Texas-based website will now allow users to rate local prostitutes.

That Sweet Meteor of Death cannot come soon enough.

[O]ne website, www.eccie.net, once based in North Texas, allows users to review the services of local prostitutes.

CBS 11 confirmed with the Texas Attorney General’s office that the website is a factor in a few of their investigations. They wouldn’t expand on what they’re looking for or share if anything on the site is illegal; but just the idea that you can review prostitutes has people concerned.

Google the words “escort review” and not far from the top is www.eccie.net, a website that’s been around for years, but flourished, while it was based right here in Fort Worth. Women actually create profiles on this site and customers can post reviews about their services.

What exactly would be the template for the ratings? Two thumbs up won’t work, and if you use the obvious character, no whore would receive a rating greater than one.

It’s Earth Day

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So, if you’re a tree-hugging hippie like Laura Prepon (left), you’ll be spending the day collecting garbage and making clothes out of hemp.

Me? I may leave my SUV running all day long as pour human (and inhuman) waste into my local creeks and streams.

I’ll top it off with a slice of cake, since Earth Day also happens to be my birthday.

(Oh, thanks to my dementia, I forgot it is also Aunt Noreen’s birthday – wife of Uncle Ray and mother of Dr. Evil.)

Linwood, Michigan Stinks On Ice

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The city of Linwood, Michigan is dealing with an odor problem. Coincidentally, Linwood is not too far from Flint, home of Michael Moore, a man who sweats when he eats.

Officials in Bay County plan to install mobile cameras through sewer lines to determine what’s causing a big stink in Linwood, MI. The county Department of Water and Sewer also is considering a thorough cleansing of a 6-mile-long pipe.

Department director Tom Paige wonders if the stench is related to sewer gas. Mary Jane Williams, owner of the Linwood Party Store, says it’s been a problem for three years but this year “has been worse than it’s ever been.”

Linwood wants to be known for other things, not bad odor. The community on Saginaw Bay hosts an annual pickle festival and is a popular launching spot for perch and walleye fishermen.

Pickles, perch, and walleye? Well there’s your answer, fishbulb!

NYC Man Left On Cutting Room Floor

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Apparently, Brooklyn’s La Cabana Rodriguez restaurant is a little slice of heaven.

DNA Info reports that the scene occurred in Brooklyn at Dominican restaurant La Cabana Rodriguez, located at 1062 Flatbush Avenue.

According to witnesses Luiz Jimenez and his friend began fighting over the check when they were booted from the restaurant. Jimenez pulled out a machete and attempted to chase down his friend, says the New York Daily News.

Upon catching his friend, Jimenez dropped the weapon and started fighting. At some point he was knocked down and fell to the sidewalk where a bottle sliced his right bicep. An ambulance took him to Kings County Hospital but he did not survive.

If you’re going to stop by La Cabana for a bite, I’d suggest the pork chops.

99 Problems But Your Rights Ain’t One

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The Ugandan government is keeping its pimp hand high when it comes to women’s rights.

Women in Uganda who go out wearing mini-skirts could face jail or a heavy fine under draconian new anti-pornography laws. The Anti-Pornography Bill 2011 proposes that those found guilty of abetting pornography be fined up to 10 million Ugandan shillings or jailed for up to 10 years, or both.

Simon Lokodo, Uganda’s ethics and integrity minister, who proposed the Bill, said: “Any attire which exposes intimate parts of the human body, especially areas that are of erotic function, are outlawed. Anything above the knee is outlawed. If a woman wears a miniskirt, we will arrest her.”

Mr Lokodo, a former Catholic priest defrocked by the Vatican for his involvement in politics, said that would mean that celebrities such as Beyoncé and Madonna would be banned from Ugandan television.

Well, I am against the ban on miniskirts, but I’m all for banning Beyoncé and Madonna from the airwaves.

Barack Obama: Zing Of The Jews

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The Obama administration has canceled a reception commemorating Jewish American Heritage Month.

Worse still, he’s blaming the cancellation on the sequester cuts: cuts he called for and signed into law.

The White House is picking winners and losers as it cuts back because of the sequester, and a planned reception for American Jews is getting the short end of the stick. The annual White House celebration of Jewish American Heritage Month is canceled.

“Jewish invitees usually include luminaries in the arts, sports and sciences, lawmakers, armed services personnel and the Israeli ambassador, as well as organizational leaders and political supporters of the president,” according to JTA.

The sequester cuts kicked in March 1, but that hasn’t stopped the White House from staging a variety of fun events marking all sorts of occasions. Next Tuesday, the Obamas will be treated to a command East Room performance “celebrating” Memphis soul music, with performances by stars like Justin Timberlake and Queen Latifah.

Wow, a soul music performance survived the cuts. Color me shocked.

Afa And Sika Wept