Category Archives: WTF?

Get Your Beer Here! Seriously, Here?

beer holsterWho in the world needs this thing?! Seriously, how could anyone see the need for a beer holster?

Beer Belt Beer Holster

  • Holds up to 6 cans

  • 54” belt fits up to a size 50 waist

  • Adjustable straps

  • 100% cotton

  • Great gift

  • Perfect for tailgating

-Beer-Belt-Hops-Blue-6-Pack-Beer-HolsterDon’t get me wrong; I occasionally enjoy a cold adult beverage on a hot summer day. When worn around your waist does it stay cold? I would think not.

Now I am sure the “genius” inventor of this apparatus thought the beer holster would be a life-changing addition to people’s weekend wardrobes, but did he think about keeping the beer cold? I doubt it! That would be worth the money – a beer holster that keeps the beer and your body cool on a hot summer day.

Hey, I think I might be on to something. I can figure this out. I am a problem-solving kind of girl.

Don’t worry Wyatt, I’ll share the wealth. After I rake in my first million dollars.

The Spice of Life!

l_mugs16x9

Last weekend this classy couple was caught having sex on the roof of a Chipotle restaurant. Neither one of them is real pretty to look at. I guess that is why they are with each other.

A Delaware fast food restaurant featured a special attraction Saturday night as two people could easily be seen from the street having sex on the roof.

Michael Suh, 38, and Nicole Germack, 27, were arrested by Newark police after the two were viewed by many onlookers “engaging in sexual intercourse” on the roof of a Main Street Chipotle Mexican Grill.

To quote Jimmy Fallon, “This was the first time people heard someone scream, ‘Oh, God!’ and it was not coming from the bathroom.”

Will Someone Please Fire This Cracker?

Human FirecrackerJohn Fletcher, 51, of Michigan, is a budding Darwin Award winner who straps hundreds of fireworks to his body before setting them off. He does this for fun.

John Fletcher’s act includes setting off 10,500 firecrackers attached to his body Saturday. He performed last weekend before 300 people and four firefighters at a motorcycle rally in the western Michigan town of Coopersville.

Fletcher said that over 16 years, he has set off 600,000 firecrackers attached to his body. His ribs have been fractured 17 times and once Fletcher says he was knocked unconscious.

The gravel pit scale operator from Pinckney doesn’t get paid for his performances and asks audiences to donate to charities.

It costs $140 and takes two weeks to put together his firecracker suit, which are strands of firecrackers are glued to four leather sheets Fletcher hangs over his abdomen, back and arms. He wears safety glasses and a compressed leather vest. (H/T – 911)

So this jerkass straps munitions to his body… for free. Pfft, I’d have more respect for him is he was doing it to land a bunch of virgins.

Snakes Bite

shirtless guy with snakeI hate snakes. They scare the life out of me. I do not like seeing them on TV. I do not like seeing them at the zoo, even though they are behind glass. I do not like seeing them in my garden. Snakes are stupid.

With that being said, I saw a pretty cool video from the BBC. It shows how fast a snake can strike with its fangs. The video was interesting and did not make me scream like a little girl… but I still think snakes are stupid.

BTW – When I Googled “man holding a snake” some err, unusual pictures popped up. You might not want to do that.

Yoga Girl Really Feels The Burn

Michele Cernak Naked YogaMeet Michele Cernak. As you can see by her photo, Michele is a health nut, who really takes care of her body. You would never guess she is 51 years old. The secret to her youthful appearance? Yoga.

Witnesses called police after they noticed Michele Cernak, 51, doing yoga around 3:40 p.m. just a few blocks from a middle school. In between stretches, she removed various bits of clothing, and had her pant legs around her ankles by the time officers arrived.

While Cernak was doing her stretches in the middle of the road, her gold Chevy GMC pickup truck was on the side of the road still running. Officers searched the vehicle and found heroin, a syringe, and a crack pipe. She was also found with three different types of prescription pills.

Oh pshaw! That wasn’t crack and heroin; it was Michele’s “vitamin supplements.” Besides, does anyone actually practice yoga without a little help from Dr. Feelgood? I think not!

It’s A Small World

Smallpox CellsIn a high-larious case of irony, six vials of the smallpox virus have been found, mere weeks after the Washington Redskins racist name controversy arose.

A government scientist cleaning out an old storage room at a research center near Washington made a startling discovery last week — decades-old vials of smallpox packed away and forgotten in a cardboard box.

The six glass vials were intact and sealed, and scientists have yet to establish whether the virus is dead or alive, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said Tuesday.

Officials said labeling indicated the smallpox had been put in the vials in the 1950s. But they said it’s not clear how long the vials had been in the building, which did not open until the 1960s.

Well, doesn’t that just warm the cockles? Not that it matters, since the illegals rushing through Texas are probably bringing smallpox with them.

I Did NOT Need To Know That!!!

SpiderI was bored out of my mind on July 4th. It was raining at the beach and there was nothing to do. (I know, I sound like a kid.) So, I decided to go on Facebook to see if my friends were having more fun than I was. Alas, they were not. I could tell because they “liked” all kinds of stupid things from Buzzfeed and other sites.

The most disturbing one, “22 Disturbing Facts You Might Regret Knowing,” reinforced my reason for washing my hands after touching money, my fear of spiders, my dislike of crowded transportation centers and my dislike of raisins. Also, I think I will skip the jellybeans next Easter.

One last comment: Guys wash your hands!

Woman To Spider: “You’re Fired”

Ugly Garden Spider

I’ll be the first to tell you I am a complete puss-aah when it comes to spiders. I fear them, I hate them, and I scream like a little girl when I see them. That said, I never tried this.

A woman in Hutchinson, Kansas, is charged with arson after police say she set her home on fire during an attempt to kill a spider. Ginny M. Griffith, 34, told officers she used a cigarette lighter to set some towels on fire around 1:30 a.m., Friday. She was hoping to catch the little arachnid with the flaming towels and burn it to death.

It’s unclear if she ever caught the spider, but the fire that resulted did necessitate intervention from the fire department. Five units were summoned and managed to control the fire, which they said had multiple points of origin, within a matter of minutes.

Griffith’s aggravated arson charge stems from the fact that the other half of the duplex was occupied when the blaze began.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess Ginny is unmarried, lives alone, and has at least a dozen cats.

That’s Unusually Large!

100 Pound ScrotumA man from Michigan, Dan Maurer, has a 100 pound scrotum. You read that correctly, 100 freaking pound scrotum!That’s Unusually Large!

A Michigan man is making a plea to the public to help him raise money for a life-changing surgery. He suffers from a rare disease called scrotal lymphedema, a condition that has caused his scrotum to grow unusually large and weighing one hundred pounds.

Five years ago, Dan Maurer life was on track. He was in the middle of getting his weight under control, losing 50 pounds, when his mother says he had a setback.

“He noticed that his groin was starting to grown and, at that time, it was about the size of a cantaloupe,” Maurer’s mother says. A visit to a Michigan doctor turned up little in terms of results, “because they really hadn’t told him what they were dealing with,” she says.

I just do not understand how he could let an essential body part like his scrotum get larger than a cantaloupe without finding a competent doctor.

The other bad news – his health insurance will not pay for an out of network doctor. So, Dan Maurer is now trying to raise money on gofundme so that he can go to his first appointment with a specialist in California.

How can he possibly do anything like stand, walk, or even sit? Don’t get me wrong I have sympathy for the man. It must be uncomfortable to have something that large between your legs 24/7.

What I think would be uncomfortable is that his mother knows so much about her son’s scrotum. After changing diapers and potty training I don’t want to think about my son’s boy parts. I am done with that department. Unless he knocks up some girl before he is married… then I may have to remove something.

I Bent My Wookie!

I Bent My Wookie

Guys, this will be the most cringe-worthy story you will ever read. I apologize in advance.

A Canadian man is suing a hospital over surgery he claims left his penis one inch shorter – and ruined his marriage. The unnamed man – who is also paraplegic – was rushed to hospital in 2011 with a fractured appendage. This was an injury sustained while having sex with his wife, according to the lawsuit filed last week.

A fracture can occur when there is trauma to the erect penis. If it is bent suddenly or forcefully while engorged, the trauma may rupture the lining of one of the two cylinders in the penis (corpus cavernosum) responsible for erections.

The injury is often accompanied by an audible cracking sound, then dark bruising as blood escapes from the cylinder. This patient underwent surgery to try and repair the damage, but this left a “permanent scar” on his penis – and reduced its length by “about an inch.”

Dude. I am never having sex again.