Category Archives: WTF?

Colorado Inmate Is Muy Loco

Every time some new invention takes off, some lunatic shows up to claim he thought of it first. Of course, most of these lunatics don’t currently reside in a super-max prison.

Colorado prison inmate Gary Cole who is serving 25-year prison sentence for a number of charges, says the restaurant chain obtained the plans from him and now he has filed a lawsuit against Taco Bell claiming the restaurant stole his ideas.

Cole, who is currently at a super-max prison in Florence, Colorado, is suing Taco Bell, Pepsi, Frito Lay, and Taco Bell’s parent company Yum Brands, for stealing his idea for [Doritos Locos Tacos], which use Doritos as a shell.

In 2006, three years before Frito-Lay’s big idea, he sent a notarized document that was mailed to his attorney listing a bunch of product ideas with nine items that had yet to be invented. One of them was a taco made from Doritos.

Super-max must not allow its inmates internet access, because if it did, Cole would know taco-flavored Doritos were introduced in 1968. Nice try, jerkass.

Oh, by the way, my co-worker and I invented the Stickle a few years ago. What is a stickle? It’s a pickle on a stick. Now pay me.

You Can’t Spell “Criminals” Without IRS

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I wanted to get this post in before Dr. Evil, who has a fantastic snarky story coming up soon. Until then, I needed to post this, because it’s a bombshell.

The Internal Revenue Service inappropriately flagged conservative political groups for additional reviews during the 2012 election to see if they were violating their tax-exempt status, a top IRS official said Friday.

Organizations were singled out because they included the words “tea party” or “patriot” in their applications for tax-exempt status, said Lois Lerner, who heads the IRS division that oversees tax-exempt groups. In some cases, groups were asked for their list of donors, which violates IRS policy in most cases, she said.

Lerner said the practice was initiated by low-level workers in Cincinnati and was not motivated by political bias.

Oh no, of course not! We believe her, right guys?

You Can’t Spell Ineffectual without U.N.

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Like most organizations, the United Nations has its own Twitter account. While they follow many ~~humanitarian~~ hippie organizations, they also follow other “interesting” accounts.

The United Nations twitter account follows foreign UN special missions, dignitaries and international heads of states… and a porn star.

The discovery was reported by a user on Free Republic after they noticed it while browsing the 537 users that the official account follows. And in the middle of the followers they were surprised to discover the account @PBDBigBustyStar which used by Penelope Black Diamond, a German porn star.

The UN account also follows other unusual choices – pop stars Ricky Martin and Shakira are both followed by the account.

People wonder why the U.N. can’t get anything done. It’s because they’re anxiously awaiting naked tweets with ~~master~~ baited breath.

Feds Consider Banning Assault Soap

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The gubmit, in its infinite wisdom, is considering banning antibacterial soap. For teh chidrens.

[F]ederal health regulators are just now deciding whether triclosan – the germ-killing ingredient found in an estimated 75 percent of antibacterial liquid soaps and body washes sold in the U.S. – is ineffective, or worse, harmful.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is planning to deliver a review this year of whether triclosan is safe. The ruling, which will determine whether triclosan continues to be used in household cleaners, could have implications for a $1 billion industry that includes hundreds of antibacterial products from toothpaste to toys.

The agency’s review comes amid growing pressure from lawmakers, consumer advocates and others who are concerned about the safety of triclosan. Recent studies of triclosan in animals have led scientists to worry that it could increase the risk of infertility…

Well, I can debunk that theory right now. I’ve used antibacterial soap for years, and women get pregnant just by bumping into me.

RGIII Spits Fire Water At P.C. Police

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Washington ~~Redskins~~ Native Americans quarterback Robert Griffin III derided the “tyranny of political correctness” after liberals once again demanded the football team change its racissssst name.

Naturally, liberals immediately skewered Griffin, calling him – among other things – a racissssst.

Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III took to Twitter on Tuesday to complain about the “tyranny of political correctness” he believes is holding American culture “hostage.”

“In a land of freedom we are held hostage by the tyranny of political correctness,” the NFL player wrote on his official Twitter account. He followed up the post with a definition of the word, writing: “Tyranny- ‘a condition imposed by some outside agency or force
The Twitter commentary comes as some are pushing the NFL to change the Redskins team name due to the racial implications of the Native American moniker.

RGIII responded to the immediate backlash by tweeting, “Let’s bury the hatchet. We smoke’m peace pipe.” /sarc

Michelle Rodriguez: Good Dude

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Butch, tough guy actor Michelle Rodriguez made the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine this month. An odd choice, since Rodriguez would be more apt to appear in Popular Mechanics or Cycle World. But hey, tomato, tom-ah-to.

Michelle Rodriguez heated things up for the Summer 2013 issue of Cosmopolitan for Latinas magazine, putting her famous curves on display as the show-stopping cover girl.

The front of the glossy pages showcases the 34-year-old actress in a plunging, skintight neon green dress, as she’s pulling her brunette locks back with her hands.

And showing off her strong personality, the actress added: ‘I’m attracted to manly men. I can’t do metrosexuals who get their nails done more than me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… she’s not a lesbian? Really?? In every single one of her films she plays a “woman” who makes Janet Napolitano look like Giselle Bundschen!

Your Weekly Sign Of The Apocalypse

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An Icelandic company has created a program which shows it you and your nightly conquest are related.

Bumping igloos? There’s an app for that.

Are you terrified of love stories in Greek mythology? If you ever need to do a background check on your date to make sure he or she is not your distant cousin, well, there’s an app for that. Software engineers in Iceland have scraped publicly available genealogy data to create ÍslendigaApp, a mobile Android app which allows its users to bump their phones together to check if they are blood-related before making any traumatic mistake. When a match is too close, the device will sound off an “inc*st alarm,” notifying the two users that they should probably keep their clothes on.

This is actually a great idea for such a small country. The last thing you need is to find out that you’re related to someone after you’ve Bjorked.

You Deserve A Check Today

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A Michigan man was awarded $700,000 because his local McDonald’s made him food that was not prepared in the Muslim tradition. Seriously, $700,000. Allah snack bar!

A judge has approved a long-awaited $700,000 settlement between a Dearborn McDonalds and people who say they ate chicken sandwiches, that should have been prepared as HALAL: the Muslim equivalent of Kosher.

Ahmed Ahmed, the Dearborn Heights man who represents plaintiffs in the class-action suit, claims he bought a chicken sandwich in September 2011 at the restaurant but found it wasn’t prepared according to Islamic law.

Ahmed Ahmed; the man so nice they named him twice. As a result of the suit, McDonald’s plans to roll our a McFrivolous Shake.

Attention Nobel Prize Committee

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A Japanese company has invented the baby muzzle. Start cutting them a check, post haste!

The brilliant minds of Japan have developed the Baby Muzzle, a noise-canceling mouthpiece that fits over the heads of infants and toddlers ages 0 to 3 to mute their cries, fits of rage, shrieks of delight, any esophageal emissions that slice through the air affronting innocent ears.

The beauty of the Baby Muzzle design is that it doesn’t prevent children from voicing their discontent, it merely relieves those in their vicinity from the burden of having to listen to it. A fuzzy pink strap–some derivation of mesh or otherwise ventilated material I believe–with an embedded sound diffuser comprise the cozy-looking mandible cloak, which affixes snugly at the back of joyous bundles’ heads with a Velcro closure. Once in place, precious buttercups are primed to be seen but not heard nearly anywhere.

Yeah, where were you twelve years ago? Oh well, at least tell me you guys have an Annoying Celebrity model?

Like Video Games? Then Urine Luck!

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Coca-Cola Park, home of the Lehigh Valley IronPigs baseball team has installed video games atop men’s room urinals.

Imagine me surprise when I realized the IronPigs were a Phillies affiliate.

The “hands-free” video game is played by directing oneself right or left in the urinals at the Lehigh Valley IronPigs’ Coca-Cola Park in Allentown. The game is aimed at increasing prostate health awareness.

The video screens challenge players to steer their way along a snowmobile course, while trying to hit cartoon penguins.

Names of high scorers deft enough to hit the target mirrored on a 12-inch LCD screen above the urinal will appear on other contestants’ urinals and on the video displays in the ballpark. The “hands free” urinal players can go by their full name, part or their name or a pseudonym when their scores are tallied.

Not for nothing, but when I urinate, it is rarely a “hands free” venture. Besides, the competitive side in me won’t leave anything to chance, so hands-on aiming is almost a certainty.

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