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Love Is The Answer

By Wyatt Earp | November 30, 2006

Of course, the question must have been, “What can I guy rent for $50 bucks an hour in Kensington?” Nothing? Eh? Here’s your damned answers.

Little Miss Chatterbox asks, “Who are your top 5 people you would love to beat to a pulp?”

LMC, that’s an easy one. PA Governor Ed Rendell, Charlie Rangel, Philadelphia Flyers’ former GM Bobby Clarke, that ugly actress from TBS’ My Boys, and Fmragtops. Heh.

Fmragtops asks, “Will THE MONGER HORDE conquer FrankJ and IMAO?”

Fm, when a blog announces a banner contest, then never picks a winner, I find their ability to conquer anything or anyone suspect. And to be honest, I have no idea who FrankJ is. I really don’t!

RT asks, “If you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be? ANYTHING!”

RT, it’s a toss up between world peace and French news babe Melissa Theuriau.
RT then asks, “Is bacon the new mistletoe?”

RT, absolutely! I spent my high school years kissing pigs round Christmas time!

Michael Hodges asks, “When you were a street cop, did you ever do one of those contests in-house as to who would arrest the freakiest person or best costume? And if so, did you win? What was your arrest?”

Michael, we never had any contests, because our district – Kensington: you’ve seen its splendor in the first Rocky movie – was a freak show. We used to have contests as to who would lock someone up the quickest. My old partner bagged an arrest ten minutes into the tour – that was pretty good. As for me, I have locked up quite a few very ugly naked people. I don’t know why, but I guess criminals like to wear very little.

Rachel asks, “Who did you like better: the Heat Miser or the Snow Miser?”

Rach, definitely the Snow Miser. My nether-regions chafe easily in the heat!

Sssteve asks, “Hey, what was the one thing you always hoped to get on Christmas but never did?”

Sssteve, how long do you have? My dad was a Philly fireman and my mom was a waitress. It’s not like I grew up in the Taj Mahal. I always wanted the Star Wars Milennium Falcon that held my action figures. My rat fink brother got that. I got even, though: I took it when I moved out of mom’s. Other than that, I always wanted a Playmobil set. My kids won’t have to wonder about that – they’re getting one this year.

The Man asks, “Do you ever say “Book him Danno” or other Cop cliches?”

TM, one time I stopped a speeder and pulled a Chief Wiggum: “Okay, Captain Rush-Rush, where’s the fire?” That actually got a chuckle out of the driver.

Nomoretreehugginhippiecrap asks, “Are Krispy Kremes available in Philly. If so would you like help on any cases? (of donuts)”

NMTHHC, they are indeed available in Philly. . . at least until I stop by and get my weekly bribe – forty cases. Mmm . . . glazed!

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