Recent Posts

Recent Comments


Cop Land

« | Main | »

True Detective Stories

By Wyatt Earp | June 29, 2009

detective-shield1When you choose police work as a profession, you expect to meet all kinds of people. That expectation is realized almost immediately. In the last 15 years, I have run into every type of person and personality imaginable, so it is always a special occasion when I find someone doing something new.

That day was yesterday.

At about 1pm, the phone rang in the division. I answered, and a mumbling, stuttering female voice was on the other end of the line. This is how the conversation went:

Me: “Detective Division, may I help you?”
Woman: “Yes, I have a question for the detective division. Why haven’t you solved the murder of my friend yet? He was shot and killed in 2006 and you promised me he would be caught.”

Me: “Um, I think that is a question better answered by the Homicide Division, ma’am.”
Woman: “Well, I’m watching ‘Cold Case,’ that takes place in Philadelphia you know, and they solve old crimes all the time.”

It is here where I start to groan.

Me: “Ma’am, you realize that Cold Case is a television show, right? it’s not . . . “
Woman: “He was the greatest, nicest guy you would ever want to meet. And they killed him. I miss him.”

Here is the point when my spooky detective powers realize that this chick is fall-down drunk – at 1pm on a Saturday afternoon. Always the professional, I notify my co-workers and put Drunky LaRue on the speaker phone. Strangely enough, she is still gabbing away, oblivious to my answers.

Woman: ” . . . and that’s when I moved back to Philly. I think I want to go back to Florida, but I’m not sure . . . He was a good guy, and they killed him. This city is awful. It is so violent . . . ”
Me: “Uh-huh.”

Woman: “Just the other day, I was thinking about him and how great he was. He was a firefighter, you know, and they killed him. Why didn’t you catch them yet? (Starts crying.)
Me: “Uh-huh. Ma’am, have you been drinking today?”

Woman: “No. Anyway, he was a great guy . . . ”

Sadly, I had to let the woman go, because a real job came in. She wouldn’t let me break in to let her know I was getting off the phone, and I didn’t have the heart to hang up on her.

I put her on hold. As far as I know, she may still be on the line, telling no one in particular how much better the detectives on “Cold Case” are compared to us.

God, I love this job!

Topics: True Detective Stories | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “True Detective Stories”

  1. USA_Admiral Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 8:22 am

    I am stunned that people cannot differentiate between TV and Real Life.

    It would never occur to me to call the police and inquire about a murder investigation. They usually get with you when they know something.

  2. RT Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 9:53 am

    So sad and funny at the same time.

  3. Doghouse Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 11:07 am

    You should have told her you hired OJ to find the real killer.

  4. Kim Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    I feel so bad for her. It must be hard not knowing what happened or why. For her sake (and yours) hopefully she will turn off the television and dump the booze down the drain.

  5. Sully Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    That reminds me of some missing persons you can look into…. Lets see, there was Gilligan, the Skipper….

  6. MeToo Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    I think you should have told her she should start watching Without A Trace and her next drunk dial would be to the FBI.

  7. rightwingprof Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    God, I hate that show.

  8. John D Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    The detectives on Cold Case are better looking, too. And they get paid more.

  9. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    I know how she feels. When my old apartment got broken into, I was shocked, SHOCKED- that they didn’t dust the place for fingerprints. Detective Steve McGarrett would have dusted for prints and recovered my VCR in less than an hour.

  10. Kate Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    God bless you – I could NEVER work with the public. EVER.

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

    Admiral – I cannot stand “Cold Case.” Their division is clean and efficient – everything a real division in Philly is not.

    RT – 51% funny, in my opinion.

    Doghouse – And he’s scouring the golf courses as we speak.

    Kim – Don’t be. She was so tanked, who knows if her friend was even killed?

    Sully – Mmm . . . Mary Ann!

    MeToo – Great. Where were you the other day???

    Prof – Completely and utterly unrealistic.

    John D – Hey! I’m right here!!!

    Mrs. Crankipants – In Philly, we only come out for residential burglaries if the total value stolen is over $25,000. Now, however, officers process scenes below that amount. Takes some work off our plate.

    Kate – It’s worse for us, because we rarely see good people. It’s always toads or victims who hate us anyway.

  12. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    Yeah, but it was my VCR!!!
    I just thank God that the thief didn’t swipe my vintage Easy Bake Oven.

  13. Shannon Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    I’ve never seen the series Cold Case. I have watched the show Cold Case Files on A&E though. I guess it doesn’t really matter, but I thought maybe she was talking about that show…

    If you’ve never seen it, they profile Cold Cases (of course), interviewing the detectives that worked the cases and how the ultimately solved them.

    Anyhow, I feel sorry for her neighbors. Drunk at 1 in the afternoon is never a sign of a productive citizen.