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Stolen Dog Found Unharmed

By Wyatt Earp | November 30, 2008

<i>Princess the dog.</i>

Princess the dog.

Yeah, you read correctly. Apparently, it’s acceptable to made a Theft of Dog report in Delaware. I swear to God, we should force that godforsaken state to secede.

Call off the dogs! Cancel the all-points bulletin! Princess is back home!

Seems the 6-year-old, tan-and-white chihuahua reported stolen the day before Thanksgiving wasn’t really stolen, but that’s another story. First, the good news:

New Castle County police returned the pooch to her owner, Erin Markham, 25, at 9:08 a.m. yesterday after a short investigation that included distributing photographs to all police patrols. Princess was so excited she made a puddle in the police cruiser.

“We’re just happy to have her back,” said Markham, who lives with her fiance in the 1400 block of Oak Hill Drive. “I’m so appreciative of the police, I didn’t think [a report of a stolen dog] would be taken so seriously.” (H/TThe Philadelphia Inquirer)

It shouldn’t have been taken so seriously, you liberal idiot!!! Theft of Dog ranks somewhere between a disorderly crowd and loud music in the priority list. I’m surprised the police officer even took such an idiotic report. In my opinion, Markham should have been tasered for even asking.

Look, don’t get me wrong: I am a dog lover. I have owned dogs all my life. But even I am not stupid enough to make such a ridiculous police report. It’s a waste of the officers’ time, especially when there are more important jobs pending.

You know, like homicides, rapes, robberies . . .

Topics: The Job | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Stolen Dog Found Unharmed”

  1. birdhurd Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    I dig your blog. I’m also from Philly and agree with you whole heartedly. Keep on Bloggin’!

  2. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Birdhurd – Thanks much. Always nice to hear from someone local.

  3. Glocksman Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    Without knowing anything about the area, wouldn’t this be more typical of a ‘Mayberry RFD’ type department?

    Sure, a Philly cop would regard this as pretty low on the ‘crimes to solve’ list, but I’d think a small department in a low population, low crime jurisdiction would be almost grateful for something to do during their shift.

  4. sig94 Says:
    November 30th, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Actually New Castle County contains about 65% of the entire population of Delaware. After dealing with people in Syracuse for 24 years and then people in the outlying towns and villages I can say that people get what they demand. The chiefs of police want to keep the trustees off their backs (ergo keeping their jobs) and the trustees want to keep the citizens willing to pay the taxes.

    In the village where I now live the population is about 60% senior citizens. The cops get calls to replace electrical fuses. Some of them even do it.

  5. marvin Says:
    December 1st, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Just be glad you have never been called to change the light bulb for a VIP, or sent over to his house to wake his teenage kids up, and send them off to school. It never happened to me, but I know someone who had to do it in another city. Sadly, it wasn’t even a Mayberry, but a mid-size urban community.

  6. rodney dill Says:
    December 1st, 2008 at 6:15 am

    How much theft of stolen property makes it serious? $500? $1000? Purebreds of some dogs can be pretty expensive.

  7. Wyatt Earp Says:
    December 1st, 2008 at 7:36 am

    Glocksman – New Castle County is fairly large. It’s not Philly, but it’s not Mayberry, either. Hey, if the officers don’t mind, that’s fine. We would laugh at a report like that.

    sig94 – In my last patrol district – almost a Philly suburb – we got calls to get a squirrel out of a basement. Unreal.

    Marvin – I would immediately tell radio that I had a flat tire . . . courtesy of my duty knife.

    Rodney – In Philly, thefts over $2,000 are handled by detectives. That would be a good number, I think.

  8. Doghouse Says:
    December 1st, 2008 at 10:42 am

    I have no problem with the report being made, but I wouldn’t expect it to be any sort of priority. If something comes up, great; if not …

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    December 2nd, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    Doghouse – Then someone is unhappy. Join the rest of us.