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You’ve Got Questions, We’ve Got Answers

By Wyatt Earp | February 28, 2007

Who’s ready for some wisdom? On Sunday, I solicited your questions for entry into the Wyatt-Vac 4000. It took a few days, but the results are in. Enjoy! (And remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.)

Pam asks, “Do you use deodorant? If so, do you prefer scented or unscented?

Pam, my family is from France. What is this so-called “deodorant” to which you are referring? Oh, hold that thought, I gotta go surrender my country to our young Muslim population!

RT asks, “Why?” She then asks, “When?

RT, I can’t answer these questions without a Who? Heh. Why? Because we love you! M-O-U-S-E! When? Well, whenever I get up off my fat ass, which is becoming more difficult by the day.

JimmyB asks, “Are the Republicans going to put a conservative up for the primary, or are we looking at all we’re going to get, already?

Jimmy, the GOP has an ace in the hole. In July, they will announce that Ronald Reagan will be running for POTUS in 2008. Even dead, he will get more done than anyone (Republican or Democrat) currently running.

Little Miss Chatterbox demands, “I think you should do a post where you let each of us pick a person we hate to put on your post. Just a thought!!

LMC, in the words of my six-year old, “You’re not the boss of me!” Just eliminate the middle man, and steal my PIH idea like Rachel and Right Wing Prof already did.

Crazy Politico asks, “Why do you put hockey stuff on your blog when only Canadians and North Eastern Liberals like hockey?

CP, why do you put U.S. Navy stuff on your blog, when everyone knows that sailors are effeminate? I mean, the Village People didn’t write a song entitled, “In The Army.” Sorry, Bob, for that I expect the USS New Jersey will send a salvo into my living room in moments. INCOMING!

Uber asks, “Are Christians in your area talking an awful lot about “the end being nigh” lately too or is this something exclusive to the bible-belt? Follow up- What do YOU think about all this talky-talk?

Uber, I’m sorry, but I just saw a picture of you on your blog. Can you repeat the question? Heh. I think the Christians are discussing the End Times because they have recently seen my Site Meter. When a mental defective like myself can average 200 hits a day, the Apocalypse is at hand. Seriously, they probably see what I am seeing. Iran is getting more brazen, and we support Israel. Because of this, we will get drawn into the coming World War. Something big is coming down the road, and very few people are noticing.

The Anti-Hippie asks, “So, boxers or briefs? Questions or comments? Glazed or jelly-filled? Beer or liquor? Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin?

AH, here goes: 1. Guess again. “I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m loving every minute of it!” 2. Definitely comments, since I don’t get many lately. Could it be that I am not as funny and charming as I think I am? 3. I prefer powdered. In case anyone gives me grief, I can tell them I am using the donut to dust for prints. 4. Whatever’s available. 5. Both are smart. Both are witty. Ann is a blond, which is always a plus, but Michelle is Asian, which is a much bigger plus. I give the edge to Malkin, because Coulter is way too skinny for me.

Sssteve asks, “How did you fit in that gay green costume?!

Sssteve, it was easy once I grabbed the duct tape, girdle, and manzier! The question that remains, however, is how you fit in this baby picture with your brother?

Denise asks, “How do you get the burning to stop? Also, do you think Bauer should trust Logan?

Denise, it usually subsides for me after I dip the affected area into an ice bucket. If that fails, then it’s the requisite trip to the Free Clinic. What happens in Vegas stays in your bloodstream, I suppose. As far as Jack, I think he should trust Hillary Clinton, Teddy (*hic*) Kennedy, and Joe Biden before trusting President Weasel.

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