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Itchy And Scratchy

By Wyatt Earp | August 11, 2005

Indy, why does the floor move?” – Sallah, Raiders of the Lost Ark

I am pretty lucky. Even though I’m constantly bitching about work, I am assigned to a fairly slow district. Not much happens here, and that’s the way I like it. I spent six years in “The Badlands,” chasing drug dealers and guarding homicide scenes. I deserve the break. However, every once in a while I get a little taste of hell in my own backyard.

Last night I received a radio call for “Someone Breaking In” at the local projects. I arrive with my backupyeah, I was surprised, too – and we were met by a woman and her children outside the apartment. The woman tells us that she thinks someone is inside, and asked if we could check the residence. Sure, I say to myself, what’s the worst that can happen?

And then, we opened the front door.

Like Indiana Jones and Sallah, what we saw shocked and awed us – the floor was moving! A quick flick of the flashlight told us all we needed to know; the apartment was overrun with cockroaches. Now, we can’t exactly leave the room and tell the owner that there’s no way in hell we’re going through her disgusting abode, so we suck it up and do our job. We cleared the apartment in record time, and got the hell outta Dodge. And for the rest of the night I scratched like crazy.

So, who wants some breakfast?

Topics: True Police Stories | 7 Comments »

7 Responses to “Itchy And Scratchy”

  1. Tyler D. Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 10:03 am

    That would make me want to take a shower in… oh, FIRE!

    Just as step one.

    Then Lava soap.


  2. Dr. Phat Tony Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 2:22 pm

    Those weren’t pests, those were pets.

  3. GunnNutt Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 3:26 pm

    You’re a brave man, Wyatt.

  4. Jackie Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 4:27 pm

    hope you didn’t take any home with you.

  5. Kate Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 4:30 pm

    I hate bugs, but in particular those nasty critters. I skeeve them.

    So how many did you find crawling all over you?

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 11th, 2005 at 7:14 pm

    Hey Kate, I’m no rookie. I stamped my feet the second I got out of the hole, er house. I think I got ‘em all.

  7. The Conservative UAW Guy Says:
    August 13th, 2005 at 7:00 am