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Serenity Now!

Thursday, November 3rd, 2005

There’s not enough duct tape in the world . . . Some people say that blogging is therapeutic. They are probably right, but I am suffering through a dilemma. Post about the worst night I have ever had in eleven years as a police officer, or hold my tongue and not write anything I may [...]

"Septic" Strike

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005

For those who haven’t heard, the city of Philadelphia is now in Day 3 of a crippling mass transit strike. SEPTA (the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority) drivers, as usual, are walking the picket lines and holding my town hostage. I say “as usual” because it seems that SEPTA strikes (or threatens to do so) every [...]

Wagon Tales

Friday, October 28th, 2005

Yours truly was stuck on the wagon last night . . . again. And as is usually the case, there were a few people who had me breaking out the duct tape. To wit: 1. Gladys Kravitz – Our first assignment was to meet a complainant outside her apartment complex. The residences cater to senior [...]

Idiots Need Not Apply

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005

Take a gander at an e-mail my partner sent me yesterday. I thought she was messing with my head. This story, though seemingly unbelievable, is absolutely true. Welcome to the Theater of the Stupid: “A call came out for a theft in progress at the Dollar General. I went because the sector car (of course) [...]

A Middie Back! Moment

Thursday, October 20th, 2005

As The Man can attest, my previous blog, Middie Back!, was comprised mostly of political diatribes and constant vitriolic secretions of bile. Every Friday was “People I Hate” day, where I took my anger out on the public, instead of putting it in the happy box. Thankfully, I am now a kindler, gentler blogger, who [...]

Royale With Cheese

Friday, October 14th, 2005

“I’m lactose intolerant. I have absolutely no patience for lactose.” – Jerry Seinfeld, Seinfeld Yesterday, I regaled you with tales of an idiotic citizenry. Today, we will learn about the criminal mind . . . or lack thereof. My police district headquarters is currently housing arrested juveniles. To be more specific, we are holding males [...]

That Dog Won’t Hunt

Thursday, October 13th, 2005

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.” – Norm Peterson, Cheers I have been miserable as of late, since the area has been in the clutches of incessant rain, and Philly hasn’t seen the sun in a week. As a result, I have had even less patience for the nonsense that comes with [...]

Things To Do In Philly When You’re Dead

Friday, October 7th, 2005

As a Public Service Announcement, the Philadelphia Police Department (okay, just yours truly) is stressing important guidelines for those citizens who expect to pass away at a time of their choosing. These five simple tips can make life a whole lot easier for the men and women of law enforcement who have to deal with [...]

You Say It, We Play It (Day 2)

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005

The second suggestion is Police Academy stories. (Editor’s note: There are a good many people who think women should not be police officers. This post will probably give some credence to that line of thinking, but I want to stress that these examples do not reflect the actions of every female officer in the Philadelphia [...]

Inaction Jackson

Wednesday, September 14th, 2005

Working inside a police district’s operations room isn’t always a bargain. Take last night, for instance. I’m entering reports into the computer, when I hear an officer come over the radio and say he’s in foot pursuit. The officer then screams that there are shots fired at his location. And I can’t leave the building [...]

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