Tickle Me Ana
By Wyatt Earp | May 16, 2011
Unlike Tickle Me Elmo, you don’t want to touch this woman anywhere.
Ana Catarian Bezerra is a 36-year-old Brazilian woman who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. Ana, an accountant, began to have problems at work because the only way to relieve anxiety is by masturbating. A lot. Now, after winning a court battle and seeking medical help, Ana is allowed to masturbate and watch porn – using her work’s computer, no less – legally.
Ana wasn’t always like this, she was worse: “I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That’s when I asked for help, I knew it wasn’t normal.”
Carlos Howert, Ana’s doctor, prescribes Ana with a “cocktail” (read: an entire medicine cabinet’s worth) of tranquillizers. Thanks to Dr. Howert’s concoction, Ana only has to masturbate around eighteen-times a day.
If you ever run into Ana, for God’s sake, don’t shake her hand!
Topics: Evil = Funny | 28 Comments »
May 16th, 2011 at 7:14 am
If you ever run into Ana, for God’s sake, don’t shake her hand!
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I won’t even send her a postcard.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:16 am
Ana is allowed to masturbate and watch porn – using her work’s computer, no less – legally.
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Is her boss allowed to put her in an elevated glass cubicle
and sell tickets ?
To recoup his losses ?
Just sayin’.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:17 am
I’d share a cubicle with her, just to watch!!
May 16th, 2011 at 7:28 am
If she’d been a hatchet face, or a dude, she would have lost.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:32 am
A hatchet face !
If she’d been a dude, there would have been no court case.
He’d be in a dungeon somewhere.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:42 am
And rightfully so.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:45 am
“I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day.
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Where did she find the time (and the strength) to do the everyday things ?
Like get dressed ?
May 16th, 2011 at 7:47 am
Well, I’m off to work.
And to maintain self-control.
I was gonna say rigid self control, but thought better of it.
May 16th, 2011 at 7:57 am
I’ll bet no one borrows her stapler.
May 16th, 2011 at 9:05 am
I hope, for her sake, she NEVER has a hangnail
May 16th, 2011 at 9:07 am
OUCH!
May 16th, 2011 at 10:11 am
Putting on prognosticator hat…I predict that in a few years tops, a posting about a normal man or woman going on about their life normally, eating normally, having sex normally, working normally etc. will be the new deviant.
Other than that…47 TIMES A DAY!!!…wow. If this were a man, he would need skin grafts before the day was out,
even with lube.
May 16th, 2011 at 10:35 am
Just blew coffee through my nose with this one. Anybody got any oxygen, I’m having trouble breathing. Thanks, Wyatt, best laugh I’ve had in years.
May 16th, 2011 at 10:51 am
Is she blind yet?
May 16th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
She’s right. 47 times isn’t normal. But with practice she’ll get better.
May 16th, 2011 at 12:08 pm
If she gets any “better” she may burst into flame.
May 16th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
JT – Pay. Per. View.
Danny – But after a while, you’d lose your appetite for tuna.
GroovyVic – Yep. Thankfully, she’s neither.
Mrs. Crankipants – Or partakes in her carrot and cucumber soup.
Dr. Evil – Wow, vivid mental imagery there. Kudos!
Jon – Yeah, I suspect a lot of hurtin’ if that were the case.
Doc – You’re welcome. Comedy like this just writes itself.
LDIV – If not, she must wear contacts.
Richard – She’d down to 47. Imagine how bad she was before seeing the docs!
May 16th, 2011 at 2:31 pm
One man satisfying her? How about a platoon? Or maybe a regiment? How about the whole damn army?
May 16th, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Bob – Send in the Brazilian Marines!
May 16th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
I wonder if I can get the battery concession in her building?
Wonder if she keeps her cell phone on “vibrate”?
May 16th, 2011 at 5:40 pm
If she does keep her phone on vibrate, I wonder where she carries it.
May 16th, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Man…she gets to do legally, what I have to do every day at work surreptitiously.
.
.
.
What? Why is everyone staring at me?
Oh come on, don’t try to act like I’m the only one doing this!!!
May 16th, 2011 at 8:15 pm
JT has a good point about the difference if it would have been a man. I watched Terminator 3 again over the weekend and I thought it about that when the naked female terminator walked up to the woman in the car. The woman asked her is she was OK and was concerned. If a naked man walked up to a woman in a convertible Lexus, you can be damned sure she would not stick around to find out if he needed help.
May 16th, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Ted Nugent only thought he knew about “cat scratch fever…”
May 16th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Proof – She gets plugged in, like in The Matrix.
Doc – You don’t want to know, but she needs one of those rubber screen protectors on it.
Ed – Not sayin’ a word.
Ingineer66 – Although he may be able to get her keys out of the locked car by “jimmying.”
Wes S. – He’s a piker, by comparison.
May 17th, 2011 at 5:22 am
Apple has an app for that…
May 17th, 2011 at 11:53 am
AOL is featuring this story today. (Way to scoop ‘em, Wyatt)
From the AOL story……
Although Queen admitted Bezerra’s condition is not common at all, she said she found it interesting that the ruling came in the middle of “National Masturbation Month,” an event she helped organize back in 1995 and is now celebrated in pockets all over the world.
May 17th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
Coming soon…………..
Olympic Pocket Pool.