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Fire-Roasted Nuts

By Wyatt Earp | November 3, 2010

Truth be told, I am completely burned out on politics today. And that’s a pretty good segue to this story, where a furry friend almost killed hundreds of school students.

You see, this could only happen in New Jersey, where landfills and radioactive waste are as common as political corruption and toll booths. It’s a miracle all of the state’s woodland creatures don’t have spooky destructive powers.

Officials say a squirrel started a fire that forced the evacuation of a southern New Jersey high school. Bayview Volunteer Fire Company assistant chief Chuck Mackintosh says the squirrel shorted out a transformer at Absegami High School on Tuesday.

Mackintosh tells The Press of Atlantic City one of three air conditioners then shorted out. Mackintosh says the remaining air conditioners overheated and caught fire.

Squirrels committing arson? The Apocalypse is at hand, my friends.

Topics: Snarkasm | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “Fire-Roasted Nuts”

  1. Sally Anne Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    People thought I was crazy for hating squirrels. Never believed me when I said the little bastards are pure evil. SO WHO’S LAUGHING NOW!?

    (Actually not me, I am hiding upstairs, protecting my nuts from the inevitable squirrel invasion.)

  2. John D Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Damned rodents! Rats with bushy tails is all they are.

  3. RogerDee Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    Damn John D stole my line, almost…… Rats with good P.R.

  4. Crazy Politico Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    My Dad had problems with them for years. They ate the wiring harnesses out of two of his cars. So one year for Christmas I bought him a nice porcelain squirrel. He didn’t laugh :(

    The rest of us did, though.

  5. dragonlady474 Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Aww…but they’re so cute! Running around all twitchy and stuff. We had one take out the electricity at our old house. Made quite a bang and when we went to investigate, there he was, all fried on the transformer.

  6. Ingineer66 Says:
    November 3rd, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    The article makes it sound like the squirrel rubbed two sticks together or something. Out here they get cooked in the power-lines and cause blackouts on a pretty regular basis. And I agree they are just fancy rats.

  7. hutch1200 Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 12:48 am

    10 gallon or larger bucket. Fill only 1/2 way w/water, so they can’t climb out. . Place cheapest (usual deer) animal feed you can get from Agway type store. Put a 2×4 across the top of barrel. Throw in some nuts in if ya can. Place this setup so the squirrel can hop onto the board. Once they go for what they tink is a solid barrel of food, they take the “big dive”. If it wasn’t for that tail…Bastards!

  8. Bob G. Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 8:33 am

    “Only now, does this squirrel fully comprehend the power…of the DARK side.”


    Stay safe out there.

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 8:39 am

    Sally Anne – Lock and load! I always said if they didn’t have the fluffy tail, they would be hated.

    John D – But they have personality, and personality goes a long way.

    Roger – They must have one of those Madison Avenue firms.

    CP – He probably used it for target practice the next day.

    DL474 – We’ve had that twice. Nothing funnier than seeing them drop 20 feet to the ground.

    Ingineer66 – Let’s declare war on the squirrels. What’s the worst that can happen?

    Hutch1200 – The name is Hutch . . . Squirrel Assassin.

    Bob G – Somewhere, some rabbit is saying, “Everything is proceeding as I have forseen it.”

  10. BillN Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    Where are these tool booths of which my home state is supposedly over run? Could it be that Pennsylvanians can’t spell?

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 4th, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    BillN – How dare you expose my ignorance! Technically, many toll booths are manned by tools. Just sayin’.

  12. Jason Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I watched in horror as a transformer exploded and a large power line dropped to the street all the while showering sparks all around.

    Squirrels and hippies are to blame for many of our problems…

  13. BillN Says:
    November 5th, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    You speak truth about the tools inside the toll booths.