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Family Game Night

By Wyatt Earp | November 21, 2010

Once in a great while, two rival factions meet for a bloody battle of epic proportions. No tactic is too underhanded, no attack is too evil. We call this battle “Family Game Night.”

Last night, Randal and his wife hosted a Dirty Dozen of us for a night of good food, good beer, and board games. Among the gladiators were myself, my mom, my sister and her Aye-talian boyfriend, Uncle Ray and Aunt Noreen, Dr. Evil and his much better half (the Evil Artist), my cousin Craig and his wife, Reese – so called because she looks like Reese Witherspoon.

Now, you must understand my family to understand Game Night. Compared to most of the attendees, I am considered polite. Standing alone, any of us would clear a room after one snarky comment. As a group, we’re pure evil. Newcomers rarely survive Game Night, and almost never make a return engagement. Personal insults are the norm, foul language is expected, and Randal’s constant noxious gas is omnipresent.

It doesn’t help that the hosts are the two most competitive people on Mother Earth. Randal and Mrs. Graves constantly scream and argue throughout the night, bickering about game rules and throwing out accusations of cheating. When male versus female teams are formed, it gets bloody. Every correct male answer is met with chants of, “Men, men, men, men!” Every small gal victory is celebrated with jumping and dancing. It’s completely in your face, and unless you have a very thick skin, you’ll be crying in moments.

The Evil Artist, unlike Dr. Evil, is always welcome at family functions because she is the greatest cook known to man. This time, she brought buffalo chicken dip, and no less than two cheesecakes. One contained Oreos, and the other contained sweet bacon. Yeah, you heard me: bacon!

I would be remiss if I didn’t include the Evil Artist moment of the night. Finally in her comfort zone, she started downing bottles of Woodchuck Cider. fter three or so, she started to get a tad tipsy hammered. At one point, she turned to Dr. Evil and said, “Smell my hand.” He looked at her and said, “What?” She repeated the request. I started laughing and she held out her hand. She asked me to smell it and I figured why not? I did, and she looked at me with complete seriousness before saying, “It smells like laundry!” Oh yeah, she was feeling no pain.

As for the actual gaming, there were a lot of fantastic moments. And by fantastic, I mean embarrassing. At one point, Reese was giving clues for “Catch Phrase” – where you use the clues to guess the word or phrase. She said, “It’s what we call Wyatt.” The immediate responses were “fatty,” “fat ass,” “porky” et al. No one guessed he phrase, however. It was “Fatty Arbuckle.” Nice.

During a game of Taboo – where you try to describe the word without saying certain clues – the Evil Artist was listen to Mrs. Graves’ description of the word “arena.” Mrs. Graves said the word “soccer,” and the Artist immediately yelled out, “Nude!” Everyone started laughing and Uncle Ray said, “Who plays soccer in the nude?” It was a riot. When it was the Artists’ turn to give clues, she was trying to describe the word, “tickle.” At one point, she said “Blank me Elmo.” Probably not the best choice of phrasing with our group. Aunt Noreen was laughing because she thought the clue was “poke.” At one point, someone said, “Would the F-bomb be the answer?”

None of these gaffes would be complete without my own. One of the games gave a list of clues. One is read every minute or so until the answer is guessed. The category was “Western Outlaws.” Perfect, right? The first clue was that the person was born in Missouri in 1847. Like a jackass, I yelled out “Wyatt Earp!” My sister immediately called me an idiot while the rest of the family informed me that Wyatt was not an outlaw. It was nice to be schooled on my own ignorance.

Then again, that’s what Game Night is all about.

Topics: All About Wyatt | 12 Comments »

12 Responses to “Family Game Night”

  1. USAdmiral Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    WOW! That sounded like fun!!!! What is a party without gas, humiliation and insults anyway?

  2. Old NFO Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Sounds like a typical night on deployment to me…(minus the women of course) LOL

  3. RT Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Glad you had a good time! :)

  4. Rick Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Sounds brutal but fun

  5. Kim Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    I just tried to picture myself there and since I get drunk on two beers, I am pretty sure I would be passed out in a corner somewhere smelling horse or goat on my hands as I drooled in my sleep.

    By the way, Bacon Cheesecake? MUST GET RECIPE!

  6. dragonlady474 Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    It sounds like my family when we play full-contact badminton. LOL We should challenge your family to a duel!

  7. dragonlady474 Says:
    November 21st, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    BTW, we need a Walking Dead post…MUCH to discuss!! ::bites nails::

  8. Dr. Evil Says:
    November 22nd, 2010 at 10:04 am

    Why would I NOT be weclome? And scarewz you Wyatt, I did guess Fatty Arbuckle but non of my ‘deadweight’ team (being you) would allow that as final answer. Way to go Wyatt.

    And howz about highlight of the evening? Someone thinking Korea was in South America? Sheer genuis!

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    USAdmiral – It’s certainly not a party I want to attend.

    Old NFO – Believe me, we all earned our wings.

    RT – Despite the wrist pain, it was great.

    Rick – No one left crying, so it was a good night.

    Kim – I’ll see if I can get it for you.

    DL474 – I got $50 on my clan.

    Dr. Evil – Almost forgot. My sister Allison thought North Korea was in South America. We berated her for the rest of the night.

  10. evil artist Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    This is the bacon cheesecake recipe. I will warn you though, it was fun to try but I won’t be making it again anytime soon because it wasn’t exactly a winner…

  11. dragonlady474 Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    I’ll match your fifty and throw in my tail-less dog. :)

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 23rd, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Evil Artist – My bad on that. After scarfing down your buffalo chicken dip and a slice of the other cheesecake, I couldn’t fit in the bacon cheesecake. Sorry, dear!

    DL474 – Wow, we don’t have a tail-less dog.