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Archive for May, 2010

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Man Gets Sucked Into Sausage Machine

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Note to self: stay away from the links for a while. DANVERS, Mass. – Police said a cleaning man was taken to a hospital after being sucked into a machine at a sausage-making company in Danvers. The accident happened Thursday night as the man was cleaning the vacuum-type machine that is used to season the [...]

24: The Final Hours

Monday, May 24th, 2010

After eight seasons, 24 will end its run tonight with a Wyattastic two-hour episode. Similarly, Blogs4Bauer will end its run soon thereafter. We are marking the occasion with our last ever liveblog. It begins at 8pm (EDT) at B4B. Stop by and check it out. I’ll miss the show, but I’ll really miss Elisha Cuthbert [...]

Sestak Implicates Obama Administration

Monday, May 24th, 2010

Congressman Joe Sestak appeared on Meet the Press yesterday and confirmed what many of us already knew: that someone in the Obama administration offered him a position within the administration if he would drop out of the senate race against Arlen Specter. Now I’m no detective, but this sounds a lot like bribery to me. [...]

Philadelphia’s National Disgrace

Monday, May 24th, 2010

As much as I would like to believe otherwise, Philadelphia will forever be a second-class city. Stories like this one will see to that. The old warship has been part of Philadelphia’s waterfront for 50 years and left lasting impressions on thousands of visitors who heard gripping stories of its role in the Spanish-American War. [...]

Another Reason To Avoid Spain

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

You know, besides all of the Spanish people. Kidding, kidding! Authorities in Barcelona, fed up with tourists wandering the streets in their swimming costumes, are preparing a massive campaign to convince them to put on clothes when they leave the beach. “We want to make people understand that it’s an attitude that we don’t like, [...]

Happy Trails!

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

For the last two and a half years, I have enjoyed the title of “Official Satirist” at Family Security Matters. In addition to a weekly article, I have also been responsible for their caption contests. That fantastic voyage ends this week. The busy combination of work and family has taken a tremendous toll on my [...]

The Biggest A-Hole In New Jersey

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

Call me insensitive, but this little bastard should be sentenced to life in prison. Then brutally beaten. Then given a boot to the head. Children are the future and that includes the South Jersey student who allegedly defecated in a classmate’s soda and those who laughed as the classmate unwittingly drank it. It happened March [...]

Adolf Hitler: Pretty In Pink?

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

Sure, he was a murderous despot, but at least he looked faaaaabulous! The 18ft high posters of the Nazi leader advertise a line of clothing for young people and adorn street corners and bus stops in Palermo, Sicily’s biggest city. The ads show the Fuhrer in a lurid pink uniform, with his swastika armband replaced [...]

North Korea Makes More Threats

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

According to the North Korean government, if the South Koreans retaliate or try to punishment them for the sinking the Cheonan – a South Korean warship – they will respond with all-out war. There’s only one problem with that. Since it’s been proven that the Cheonan was sunk by a North Korean torpedo, the NorKs [...]

A Million Stories In The Naked City

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

Who knew that the naked city was Thibodaux, Louisiana? THIBODAUX, La. – A man who told police that God told him to walk the streets naked to save his soul has been arrested. Thibodaux police responded to an obscenity complaint around 2 a.m. Thursday and found Shafiq Mohamed walking nude down the street. When approached, [...]

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