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The French Are At It Again

By Wyatt Earp | April 9, 2009


Another day, another allegation by the frogs that Lance Armstrong is doping. Yawn. Time to break out the SYLG News Translator:

Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong may have violated drug-testing rules and could face a sanction, according to France’s anti-doping agency.

Translation: We’re scared to death that Lance came out of retirement, and we are going to do everything within our power to keep him out of Paris.

Armstrong “didn’t respect the obligation to remain under observation of the person in charge of the doping control,” the agency said in a report sent to the sport’s governing body, the International Cycling Union (known as the UCI).

The UCI gave the French organization authority to open a disciplinary inquiry, it said.

Translation: We’re pissed that he didn’t let us look at his piss.

Armstrong, who has made clearing his name of doping suspicions a top priority in his comeback season, got into trouble on March 17 while training in southern France. A doctor from the Agence Francaise de Lutte Contre le Dopage (known as the AFLD) met Armstrong for one of the unannounced tests.

Translation: Our quack doctor checked Lance and, because he is an American, decided that he must be dirty.

The 37-year-old Texan said in a statement Tuesday that reports he “misbehaved” during the drug test were “outrageous.”

“I find it amazing that I have been tested 24 times without incident, and the first test I do in France results in more outrageous allegations and negative leaks to the press,” Armstrong said.

Translation: I’ll lawyer my way into the Tour and still kick your tadpole arses all the way back to the Maginot Line!

“This is just another example of the improper behavior by the French laboratory and the French anti-doping organizations,” Armstrong said. “I am sorry that they are disappointed that all the tests were negative, but I do not use any prohibited drugs or substances.” (H/TThe New York Daily News)

Translation: Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

Eventually, the French will give up and admit what most of us already know: Lance Armstrong is the best cyclist in the world because he trains harder than anyone else, not because he’s cheating.

Topics: News Translator | 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “The French Are At It Again”

  1. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    April 10th, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Eventually the frogs will give up? well given their track record, that shouldn’t take long. Maybe it’d be more expedient if Lance was a German. heh.

  2. Wyatt Earp Says:
    April 11th, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    Smite – Or English.