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Jaws Of Life Stolen From AL Fire Station

By Wyatt Earp | January 21, 2009

<i>This is actually DragonLady's first boyfriend.</i>

This is actually DragonLady's first boyfriend.

Okay, this is funny. What kind of slack-jawed yokel would steal the jaws of life? Was that moonshine jar really that difficult to open?

HIGHLAND HOME, Ala. – Highland Home’s volunteer firefighters are trying to figure out why anyone would want to steal the “jaws of life.” The $12,000 equipment, which is used to rescue people trapped inside vehicles after car wrecks, was recently stolen from the department.

Department President Stephen Wilson said he doesn’t know why anyone who wasn’t a firefighter would want the 60-pound device.

The Crenshaw County Sheriff’s Office is investigating the bizarre theft. The thief didn’t take a television set or two air tanks worth $10,000. (H/T – )

Upon first reading this story, my immediate thought was that the thieves needed it to pry open Rosie O’Donnell’s rolls of back fat, but then I remembered that Rosie lives in New York. Dang.

Topics: Evil = Funny | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Jaws Of Life Stolen From AL Fire Station”

  1. Sully Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 6:56 am

    Why do I get the feeling that this is a Darwin Award about to happen.

  2. hutch1200 Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 7:49 am

    Maybe Oprah sold it. She wants her curtains back, that Mrs O wore for the inauguration?

  3. Insolublog Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 8:14 am

    Rosie lives in NY, but her back fat reaches all the way to AL.

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 11:02 am

    Sully – It’s only a matter of time. (Insert 24′s digital clock.)

    Hutch1200 – Most hideous dress . . . ever!

    Insol – *shudder*

  5. Snigs Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 11:07 am

    Take it from me, there are plenty of Rosie look-alikes in Alabama. It doesn’t surprise me at all that some yokel stole the jaws of life…these are folks that use a Coca Cola can and a cherry bomb for vasectomies after all.

  6. Higgs Boson Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Now that the ‘Simpsons’ jokes are out of the way, I’ll explain why someone stole these ‘Jaws’.

    * Until very recently, scrap steel was bringing record (ca. $0.10/lb) prices.
    * Abandoned cars are often stored in rural areas.
    * It is expensive to pay to tow an abandoned car from a rural area to a scrap yard.
    * If there were only ‘SOME WAY’ to cut the abandoned cars into smaller peices that could be picked by just two humans and put into the back of a pick-up truck, so that they could take the scrap-yard and get cash for it??!!!
    * There are ‘other’ reason for chopping up not-so-old cars.
    * Tell me again how stupid we they were??!!!

  7. Higgs Boson Says:
    January 21st, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Wyatt —
    I may be a “Philadelphia Lawyer”, but I live in the wilds of Southern County!

    /You remember the Johnston Gang???

  8. moe Says:
    January 22nd, 2009 at 2:47 am

    We was crushin keystone light cans while cousin merle bar-bee-qued.

  9. Bitter American Says:
    January 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 am

    OK,..I have to post this: two years ago, the fire company associated with my part-time job sold their oldest pumper to a fire company in Alabama.

    Two weeks after they took delivery, the chief up here get s a call: “what’s the strobe on the roof for?” Its not a strobe, its an OptiCom – it changes the traffic lights green for the emergency vehicles and red for everyone else. Hell, they only had one traffic light in town and it was a flashing red/yellow light!

    Two hours later,..another call “how do you roll up the trash line (think garden hose for a firetruck)?” Chief says “push the button that says ‘roll up hose.’”

    My point? Its a fire company. In Alabama. DO they know what to do with a set of “Jaws?” ;-)