Recent Posts

Recent Comments


Cop Land

« Ahma-dinnerjacket Invades The U.N. | Main | »

Caution: Jackass Crossing

By Wyatt Earp | September 28, 2008

<i>This sign should be posted at every intersection in North Philadelphia.</i>

This sign should be posted at every intersection in North Philadelphia.

It doesn’t get more hectic than a weekend night in my division. There are times when I want to pull my hair out of my head, and times when I want to just up and quit.

Once in a while, however, there are times like tonight, when I laugh my arse off at the people we protect and serve.

This is an actual phone conversation that occurred between me and yet another irate citizen. It is completely unedited. Enjoy!

Irate Citizen: “Yeah, I want to know when you all are coming out to my house to interview me.”
Wyatt: “Okay ma’am, when did you make a report?”

Irate Citizen: “You already know dat! I got me a copy of it right here!”
Wyatt: “Ma’am, our division receives about 100 reports every day. You need to be more specific.”

Irate Citizen: “Fine, I was assaulted.”
Wyatt: (Sighs) “Where were you assaulted, ma’am?”

Irate Citizen: “In my head!”
Wyatt: (Bangs head on desk.) “No ma’am, the location. Where in the city of Philadelphia did the assault take place?”

Irate Citizen: “Germantown!”
Wyatt: (Wipes away blood oozing from ears.) “Do you have an exact address, ma’am?”

Irate Citizen: “Yeah.” (Gives the address.) “I want to know exactly when you guys are coming to interview me! Give me an exact time!”
Wyatt: “36 and a half minutes, ma’am.”

Irate Citizen: “36 and a half minutes?”
Wyatt: “That’s correct.”

Irate Citizen: “Thank you.” (Hangs up.)

God, I love this job.

Topics: Philly, The Job | 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “Caution: Jackass Crossing”

  1. Big White Hat Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 12:58 am

    If she really wanted you there right away, she would have offered a cupcake.

  2. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 12:59 am

    BWH – OUCH!!! Funny, though.

  3. RT Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 1:51 am

    And if you didn’t get there in 36 and a half minutes she would have sued you guys. (The city would roll over and she could afford to buy a house in Washington Twp. What?)

  4. USA_Admiral Says:
    September 28th, 2008 at 10:10 am

    The loons out there make you realize how nice it is to have a functioning, drug free brain. It is a blessing.

  5. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 29th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    RT – I wish I could afford a house there . . .

    Admiral – Well, I’m drug free, but functioning? Not sure.