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Ryan Newman Wins The Daytona 500

By Wyatt Earp | February 17, 2008

Hello, Newman!

DAYTONA BEACH, Florida (Ticker) – Ryan Newman nipped Kurt Busch to win Sunday’s 50th running of NASCAR’s Daytona 500. (H/T – )

Although two of my three faves (Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson) did terribly, and my Fantasy Team got its tail kicked, I have to admit this was a pretty exciting race from a fan’s perspective. The last three laps were phenomenal, and Ryan Newman – who hasn’t won a race since Hillary Clinton had skinny ankles – took the checkered flag. Congratulations!

While watching the race, I took a few notes. To wit:

  • When did Tony Stewart turn into Ron Jeremy? This fat bastard is now sporting long, greasy hair, and has avoided a razor like the plague. What’s next; the cheesy pr0n ’stache?
  • Does Jeff Burton’s wife Kim have compromising photos of every race producer in America? Every time her jerkass husband is in front, the cameras focus upon her for hour after hour. It wouldn’t be too bad if she just sat there, but she’s always crying and looking like she really needs to go to the bathroom. Stop with the melodrama, Kim: no one cares.
  • It’s nice to see hottie Ashley Judd back where she belongs: at a NASCAR track instead of a queer Indy track. Her husband, Dario Franchitti, finished 33rd, but he’ll be up front soon enough.

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