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Celebrity "Deaths" Always Come In Threes

By Wyatt Earp | March 29, 2007

Fmragtops, Rachel, and The Man embarking on their post-blog lives.

“It vexes me. I’m terribly vexed.” – Commodus, Gladiator

Okay, this isn’t funny anymore. First, my blog mentor, The Man, makes the difficult decision to stop blogging. I immediately doubt the existence of God. Soon thereafter, Rachel, my techno-Yoda decides to follow suit. I find myself wandering the streets in my SpongeBob SquarePants pajamas asking strangers if they can help me with my template. Then yesterday, Fmragtops – the Sparta of the Bayou – falls. That’s right, sports fans; he is hanging up his keyboard, and I am currently scouring the Philadelphia area for an all-night crayfish eatery.

What the hell is going on around here???!!!

I hearken back to an e-mail that RFTR sent me after Rachel threw her blog into the Sarlacc pit. He said something to the effect of, “All of your blog friends are quitting. Maybe it’s you.” Now normally, I would chalk up that snark to him being an Ivy League dink, but in hindsight, he may have a point. Is it me?

Nah, that’s not possible. I’m one of the most beloved bloggers in the nation. I have talent on loan from Jethro Bodine! On the other hand, when three of my blog friends – I don’t have any real friends; they can’t appreciate my sarcasm, evil genius, and biting wit – stop doing the very thing that brought us together, it’s an odd feeling.

In the last two months, three of my blog friends have retired. For the rest of you, I’d watch your ass. You’re the ones who link to me, so take my friendship at your own risk. This friendship could be your blog’s demise.

Run for your lives, everyone! No one is safe!!!

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