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He Speaks With A List

By Wyatt Earp | November 4, 2005

Yeah, I’m still pissy. Last night’s hour of playing Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance hasn’t alleviated my stress, so I am looking into other means of relaxation. To wit:

Top Ten Ways I Am Dealing With Work-Related Stress

10. Porno, porno, porno!

9. Shooting hippies (CUG approved).

8. Analyzing why Carson Daly is so popular.

7. Ironing out the bugs of my own personal Death Star.

6. Writing cologne-scented love letters to Uber, SK, Pandy, Linda, GunnNutt, Doris, and anyone else who may give me the time of day.

5. Blaming Karl Rove for my work-induced anxiety.

4. Trying to write the lyrics to REM’s “It’s the end of the world as we know it” without visual aids.

3. Watching “Taxi Driver” and comparing Travis Bickle’s dementia to mine.

2. Playing “Whack-a-Mole” on Cindy Crawford’s face.

. . . And the number one way I am dealing with work-related stress:

Straining my eyes searching for cartoon cleavage. Mmm . . . Lois Griffin!

Topics: Top Ten List | 15 Comments »

15 Responses to “He Speaks With A List”

  1. Miss Cellania Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 8:04 am

    I like this blog. Thanks for a lugh to start my day!

  2. Miss Cellania Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 8:05 am

    I meant laugh… duh.

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 8:10 am

    Miss Cellania – Thank you for stopping by! Southern belles are always welcome in my yankee blog :)

  4. Dr. Phat Tony Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 10:13 am

    Great, look what you’ve don Cellania. You’ve given Wyatt someone else to stalk. Feel free to call Wyatt a lug any time.

  5. Insolublog Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 11:50 am

    DPT stops by and doesn’t even leave his link to cartoon cleavage for your viewing pleasure. Tsk tsk.

  6. Steve Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 2:03 pm

    Wyatt, hang in there man!! And kick their butt!!

    btw, the whack a mole on cincy crawfords face was hilarious I almost spit coffee all over my laptop. At least you still haven’t lost your funny!!

  7. Uber Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 3:51 pm

    What scent? You’re not sending with postage due are ya? *g*

  8. SK Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 3:56 pm

    I gotta agree with Steve on the mole comment. That one should have come with a *spew alert*. I think you and CUG are secretly trying to ruin my computer.:)

  9. The Conservative UAW Guy Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 5:16 pm

    The whack a mole was classic.

    Let me know if you need help on that death-star. ;)

    You know how I love hardware!

  10. linda Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 5:23 pm

    Make mine English Leather–an oldie but a goodie!

    Hang in there you damn yankee!

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 4th, 2005 at 7:14 pm

    Doc – SHUT UP! I’m stalking here!!!

    Insol – Yeah, and he calls ME a lug!

    Steve – Thanks. I never know if something is truly funny, but I had a feeling about that one.

    Uber – Yep. Postage due. It’s called “Eau de Cheapskate.”

    SK – Like George Costanza, I am selling computers from my home. All part of my master plan :)

    CUG – I actually have a friend who works for a defense contractor, and one night at dinner he and I were discussing if one would be feasible. He said the propulsion schematics of a giant orb would be the tricky part. Oh well.

    Lin – English leather? The cologne, or the actual leather ;)

  12. linda Says:
    November 5th, 2005 at 5:48 pm

    Forgot to put a smiley with the yankee comment–trying to make you smile!

    EL cologne–you’re scaring me!

  13. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 5th, 2005 at 11:19 pm

    Lin – The smiley face was assumed. Thanx. And what? You don’t like leather?? ;)

  14. Tyler D. Says:
    November 6th, 2005 at 1:30 am

    Did I miss the memo?


    Wait, I thought…


    Never mind.

    I need to learn to COMPREND what I read.

  15. linda Says:
    November 6th, 2005 at 6:41 pm

    I would add–go look at my sleeping kids!