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Hello, Kitty!

By Wyatt Earp | October 20, 2010

Have you ever been out enjoying a night on the town? If so, have you ever had one – or fifteen – too many? Have you ever had a mad case of the munchies afterward?

If so, have you just driven your drunk ass to the local diner, or did you just stop by and dine on some roadkill? Sure it sounds disgusting, but not as disgusting as trying to eat a few kittens. What, you’ve never had a craving for cat? Well, Frank McGinley sure has!

CHESTER, Pa. – A Delaware County man is facing animal cruelty charges following a night of drinking that ended with his expressed desire to feast on a pair of kittens. Francis McGinley, 44, allegedly arrived at his apartment drunk, with a pair of bloody kittens in hand, according to Delaware County SPCA spokeswoman Justina Calgiano: “He was telling his roommate that he wanted to eat two kittens for dinner after he claimed he had run them over with his truck.”

What an idiot. Kittens are too small to be a satisfying meal. He needs to get some plump, meaty cats! (Oh, relax, the kittens survived and are recovering at the vet.)

Topics: Snarkasm | 15 Comments »

15 Responses to “Hello, Kitty!”

  1. Lou Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:14 am

    I’d love to see him try this with my cats.

  2. Jon Brooks Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:23 am

    Next time he’s drunk someone should drop off a couple of full grown Bobcats at his place. They would look small enough to a drunk at first glance to possibly pass for
    normal cats till he grabbed them. Then it would defintely be fun to watch. The next days headlines would read…Drunk found dead in: house, backyard, front yard on roof and trees and driveway.

  3. Ambulance_Driver Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:46 am

    They taste great as Tso Chicken…

  4. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:50 am

    He was just too damned lazy to go to Happy Chopsticks for take-out.

  5. Robbie Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Can’t say I drive my drunk ass to the local diner, however I have stumbled there. Mrs. Crankipants HA! HA! you took the words right out of my mouth.

  6. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:59 am

    And Ambulance Driver took the words out of mine.

    I guess he figured fresh kitty lapping up milk, beats old pussy coughing up hair balls. Frank’s a connoisseur.

  7. Bob G. Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 10:49 am

    This happened in CHESTER?

    Well, that just told me VOLUMES about the incident…AND the person (if we can be so bold as to refer to him as “slightly left” of human)…lol.

    Glad the kitties are OK, though.

  8. Robert B. Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Brings this to mind…

  9. Kim Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    He probably got hungry after going here.

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Lou – I’m guessing he couldn’t eat them without any teeth.

    Jon – And scattered across the road.

    AD – “You be here four hour!”

    Mrs. Crankipants – You and AD must be cosmically linked.

    Robbie – Best post-drinking Philly diner? The Dining Car, 8800 Frankford Avenue.

    Mrs. Crankipants – There are so many wiseass comebacks to that remark that my head is swimming.

    Bob G. – The only redeeming value of Chester is PPL Park, home to the Philadelphia Union.

    Robert B. – Well played, sir.

    Kim – And really, who wouldn’t?

  11. dragonlady474 Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Great, now we’re going to have all of these desperate women dressing like cats and lying beside the highway.

  12. Fenway_Nation Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    What a dumbass! Everybody knows that they need to be raised to cat-size before they’re ready for consumption!!

  13. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 9:09 pm

    “What, you’ve never had a craving for cat?”

    What guy hasn’t had a craving to eat some pu… oh. wait. right. family blog. heh.


  14. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 20th, 2010 at 10:02 pm

    DL474 – That’s how I met Mrs. Crankipants! Ba-zing!

    Fenway – They taste much better full sized.

    Smite – Oh, that’s nice! You kiss your cat with that mouth?

  15. Dr. Evil Says:
    October 21st, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Taking a Catwoman fetish waaaaaay to far…or not far enough. I’m not sure.