Archive for December, 2009
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Thursday, December 31st, 2009Boy, I really have to move to Arizona. Apparently, every day there is Drive Like Steve McQueen Day. PHOENIX – A motorcyclist is in custody after leading Arizona highway patrol officers on a chase at speeds reaching 140 mph. Arizona Department of Public Safety spokesman Bart Graves says 22-year-old Ian Jonathan Ereckson of Phoenix rode [...]
It’s New Year’s Eve
Thursday, December 31st, 2009Most people either reflect back upon the passing year or look ahead to the new year ahead. 2009 wasn’t the best year ever – what with the cancer and all – so I’ll look ahead to the new year and post a few of my resolutions for 2010. You know, the ones I’ll surely break [...]
Dude, Where’s My Bar?
Thursday, December 31st, 2009This handsome devil is Gregory Oras of Florida. He is, in my estimation, the greatest party guy America has ever known. Read on: OLDSMAR, Fla. — Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he’d been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar. Instead, 37-year-old [...]
Humpday History Highlight
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009December 30, 1916 – Rasputin is Murdered Sometime over the course of the night and the early morning of December 29-30, 1916, Grigory Efimovich Rasputin, a self-proclaimed holy man, is murdered by Russian nobles eager to end his influence over the royal family. Fearful of Rasputin’s growing power (among other things, it was believed by [...]
God Works In Mysterious Ways
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009A lot of people do not believe in God – or some other “higher power” – these days. But once in a while The Man Upstairs delivers a tiny little miracle to give the rest of us a little affirmation of his power. Take this story, for instance. If this isn’t a miracle, I’m not [...]
If You’re An Illegal, Press “1″ Now
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009Are you tired of illegal aliens that use our country – and out Constitution – as a toilet? Do you live in one of the border states and wish you could move to Topeka, Kansas? Wouldn’t you like your tax money to be spent on you and not some criminals? Well, good luck with that. [...]
The SYLG News Translator
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009It’s time for another edition of the SYLG News Translator. The news story is in italics, and my spot-on translation is in bold. Enjoy! BEIJING – A shopping centre in China has opened a car park that offers women drivers bigger-than-normal parking spaces to accommodate what it sees as their special needs. A Chinese shopping [...]
Chief In Black Panthers Case Transferred
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009You may remember this story from Election Day, when Black Panthers intimidated voters at a polling location in Philadelphia. You may also remember this story, where Attorney General Eric Holder dismissed all charges against the Black Panthers, even though there were several eyewitnesses and video evidence. I guess because the Panthers were demanding people vote [...]
Tyra Banks Is Ending Her Talk Show
Tuesday, December 29th, 2009The networks just got a little uglier. Talk show host Tyra Banks says she is ready to end her Emmy-award winning “Tyra Show,” according to a report from People magazine. That drek actually won an Emmy? Dear God. The former supermodel and mogul tells People she will be focusing on her longtime dream of producing [...]
Hope For Iran?
Monday, December 28th, 2009If this weekend’s protests are any indication, there may be hope for freedom in this country. Tehran, Iran — An Iranian national security official has called for demonstrators to be arrested following deadly weekend anti-government protests in Tehran. Soon afterward, an opposition Web site reported a wave of arrests. “The undignified and disruptive behavior of [...]
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