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An Important Message From David Paterson

By Wyatt Earp | September 27, 2009

Obama NY GovernorSo get this. President Obama saw fit to suggest that New York Governor David Paterson not run for reelection. This is understandable, since Paterson’s poll numbers have been doing a skydive. Unfortunately for all involved, Obama’s people told Paterson that he shouldn’t run.

Paterson, ever the media whore, throw a hissy fit, and a full-fledged brouhaha ensued. Grab some popcorn kids, because this story is going to get interesting.

The thorny issue is the subject for this week’s Family Security Matters article. Here’s a sample:

Good day, everyone. My name is David Paterson and I am currently the governor of the great state of New York. You may remember me as “that guy who took over for the perv.” That perv in question is former New York governor, Official Prostitute Inspector, and national punch line Eliot Spitzer. Now normally, the only time my name would be in the news is if I just lost a mock gubernatorial election to gun-toting former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, or if Jay Leno showed my photo next to Will Ferrell’s in a “separated at birth” bit. Today is different.

Today, I am forced into the national spotlight by none other that President Barack Hussein Obama. To be honest with you, I am not very pleased about it. Allow me to explain. You see, the president, in his limited wisdom, advised me to withdraw my candidacy from the 2010 campaign. Apparently Mr. Hopenchange believes that approval numbers lower than Jessica Simpson’s IQ would cement my reelection defeat.

I wonder if the president will be running for reelection in 2012? Right now, the man Israel loves to hate has approval numbers hovering at the 50 percent mark. If these trends continue, in November 2012 he will be about as popular as those Helen Thomas boudoir pictures I bought on eBay – for 25 cents. So excuse me if I do not snap to attention when given marching orders from the Uber-bama. Quite the contrary, I am planning to completely ignore the heavy-handed suggestions from his lackeys, and any advice from The One. In my opinion, he should get his own (White) House in order, first.

Please read the rest of the goodness HERE.

Topics: FSM | 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “An Important Message From David Paterson”

  1. Ralph Short Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Wyatt, great stuff, very funny, without a doubt. Additionally, the Michelle dress for the fallen soldier was truly an insight into the shallowness of this administration.

  2. John D Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Run, Dave, run! Run, Dave, run! Run, Dave, run! Ignore Obama. Ignore that pompous blowhard Cuomo. Run like the wind, baby.

    Oh, and if you find some time in your busy schedule, give me my freaking raise!!! (Six months late, and counting, thank you very much.)

  3. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    This was a very funny FSM post.
    Great job!

  4. Old NFO Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 2:52 am

    That was one of your better ones! :-)

  5. Jon Brooks Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Maybe obambi could appoint him..Czar of New York instead.

    Flashing on Longshanks asking what news there is from ‘York” picking up the head from the basket he mumbles something then..”It could be my head in that basket”..Welcome to Chicago politics gov.

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Ralph – Thanks, I thought the dress was a pretty inappropriate choice.

    John D – What, you can’t make a living by blogging?

    Mrs. Crankipants – Thank you.

    Old NFO – Thanks, sir!

    Jon – He could be the Sight Czar. Yeah, I’m going to hell.

  7. MeToo Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    I seem to love the Helen Thomas humor. You cracked me up with that one.

  8. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    MeToo – Well, she’s such an easy target. :)