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You Light Up My Life

By Wyatt Earp | August 27, 2009

Daniel WoodOkay, before we start, I should probably issue some kind of warning to my readers – especially to first-time visitors. After 15 years as a police officer and detective, I have developed a really dark sense of humor. Some stories, while tragic, often strike me as funny. This may annoy or upset you, but there it is

I look at it this way. 1. I am already going to Hell on a high-speed bullet train. 2. My department was not involved in this incident. So, I figure, why not have a chuckle or three?

A homeless man caught fire after U.S. police shocked him with a Taser gun, it has been revealed.

Daniel Wood, 31, was allegedly sniffing gas from an aerosol can as he ran through traffic when he was chased by two officers in Lancaster, Ohio.

One officer caught Wood and got him on the ground, where Wood continued to resist, according to the police report. Another officer shouted a warning, then zapped Wood with the Taser, the report said.

Wood immediately burst into flames that covered his torso. The officers were forced to drop their weapons and beat out the flames.

Now, before you feel too badly for this toad, read this last part:

Wood had been resisting arrest by attempting to bite the officers and lashing out with his feet. He has been arrested more than 50 times, has been charged with resisting arrest, assaulting a police officer and abusing harmful intoxicants. (H/TDailyMail)

The only way this would have been funnier would be if the officer said, “You’re fired” before tasering the man. Oh yeah, I’m going to Hell.

Topics: Evil = Funny | 22 Comments »

22 Responses to “You Light Up My Life”

  1. Maggie Mama Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 8:26 am

    Those eyes! Think he’s Nancy Pelosi’s long lost son?

  2. burger714 Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:03 am

    Police deal with very EXPLOSIVE situations everyday. When asked what he thought about the whole thing Woods stated that he was shocked. The officers were given the rest of the day off for a job WELL DONE.

  3. John D Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:36 am

    That story gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “shock and awe.”

  4. MeToo Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Yep, I can feel those flames on the bottom of my feet, too. This is the funniest thing I have read in a while. Made even funnier due to the fact that is true. Life is definitely stranger than fiction.

  5. Dennis Petty Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am

    One morning on the way to work, I stopped at K-Mart. There was this guy standing outside the front door waiting for them to open the door. After three cups of coffee, I needed to hit the bathroom. I was in there when the guy that had been standing by the front door came in the restroom and went into one of the stalls. I heard the rustle of a paper sack and then a hissing noise. This guy was huffing spray paint to start his day. He had chosen a silver paint and he looked like a “Star Wars” character when he finished his huff. I reported him to the manager and the security officer had to wrestle him to the ground. He was laying there shouting I didn’t do anything with a silver face. MUD

  6. The Girl Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Ahhhhh, that was great !!!!!!! I’m feeling sorry for the officers for having to touch his dirty ass in order to put him out.

  7. Moe Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    My old man always says: “If I get into Heaven, great. If I get sent to Hell, well at least I’ll know alot of people there.”

  8. The Girl Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    P.S. Off Topic….Did you hear the Jessica Biel is the most dangerous chick on the net. 1 out of every 5 sites will give you virus when clicking on her picture.

  9. Alan Warner Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    OK, New product in the works for LEOs.

    A taser gun with an on/off switch that will allow dispensing flammable liquids.

    I’m gong to hell with ya Wyatt.


  10. Edee Elwell Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    Don’t you find it funny that the man’s name is WOOD?? Keep em coming Wyatt.


  11. TexasFred Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    Oh yeah, I’m going to Hell too…

    I have always had a perverted sense of humor, but stuff like this just gets me going…

    You’re FIRED!! That is priceless… :P

  12. Sully Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Save me a seat on that train…. Bwaahaahaaa.

  13. Echosix Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    The officers involved need to have their butts chewed. They were utterly unprepared for this incident.

    They had no marshmallows with them.

  14. USAdmiral Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Who would have thought a taser could be used as a dual device. Hilarious post title too.

  15. Smite A. Hippie Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    now that’s some funny sh*t right there! :)

    …oh yeah, i’m on the hell train myself, but I hear there’s lots of sex, gambling, drinking, smoking, etc. …ya know, theme nights and all, so it works out.

  16. dragonlady474 Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Good God, they taught us of some of the dangers in tasering someone in my cj classes, but they never covered this. LOL

  17. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    Maggie – Well, he is crazy, so I see the resemblance.

    Burger714 – He’ll be here all week, folks! Tip your waitresses.

    John D – Except no one is saying, “Aww . . .”

    MeToo – Always is.

    Dennis – Maybe he was going to play the Tin man in a local production of The Wizard of Oz?

    The Girl – That’s why we always carry gloves.

    Moe – Look for me, I’ll be up front tending bar.

    Alan – It’s a party! Everyone’s invited!

    Edee – And Wood is always flammable. :)

    TexasFred – Thanks much!

    Sully – It’s an Express, so even if we stand, it won’t be too uncomfortable.

    Echosix – Well played, sir.

    Admiral – Thanks. It was either that or “Let Me Stand Next To Your Fire.”

    Smite – Hawaiian Shirt Fridays?

    DL474 – I think a new chapter is in order, then.

  18. dragonlady474 Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    The shake and bake chapter. LOL

  19. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    DL474 – “And I helped!”

  20. Snigs Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 11:03 pm

    One of your most enjoyable posts, Wyatt.

  21. M~ Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    Thats just awesome.

  22. John Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Great, now the wackos are gonna be running around going “tazers are evil cause they cause people to burst into flames.”