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North Korea: Failure To Launch?

By Wyatt Earp | March 28, 2009

kim-jong-ilDon’t look now, but everyone’s favorite little dictator is rattling his saber again. North Korea has announced plans to launch a “satellite” early next month, although critics believe that the satellite is actually a cover for a ballistic missile test.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has condemned Kim Jong-Il’s plans, but as always, the star of Team America: World Police ignored her screeching. Dear Leader wants this launch to go forward, and no amount of pleading will change his tiny little mind.

This diminutive little spaz – and his diminutive little rocket program – is my subject for my Family Security Matters article. Here is a sample:

Once upon a time, there was a dinky little backwoods Stalinist country called North Korea. The country, which split from its more prosperous neighbor South Korea in 1948, is a true socialist haven. In other words, human rights, economic prosperity, and basic foodstuffs are more difficult to come by than a good Ben Affleck film. Undeterred, its diminutive leader, Kim Jong-Il still finds the time to censor the media, throw lavish parties for himself, and spout more propaganda than a George Soros website.

In effect, Kim Jong-Il’s government is just like the Obama administration
, without the fashion sense and teleprompter. The truly sad part is that if Jong-Il utilized the services of a teleprompter, he probably wouldn’t stick his foot in his mouth so often. Take this week, for example. The North Korean government has announced that they will proceed with their intended launch of a communications satellite, much to the chagrin and outrage of its neighbors. Japan, the United States, and even Oprah Winfrey have condemned the decision as an overtly aggressive action.

And if anyone knows a thing or two about an overtly aggressive action, it’s Oprah. Remember when she tried to shove that fictional claptrap from James Frey down her viewers’ throats in 2005? Most of her fans ripped that book into A Million Little Pieces.

You can read the rest of the funny HERE.

Topics: FSM | 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “North Korea: Failure To Launch?”

  1. cbullitt Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 1:23 am

    More difficult to come by than a good Ben Affleck film. (heh)
    I’ll give him credit for Paycheck, but only because it had Uma in it and was written by Phillip K. Dick.

  2. cbullitt Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 1:50 am

    Well I was going to sleep until I saw this.
    Hollywood really can fuck up a wet dream.

  3. Ky Person Says:
    March 29th, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    Actually, Ben Affleck was pretty good in Hollywoodland, and did a decent directing job in Gone Baby Gone. Too bad he’s a moonbat, but aren’t they all?

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    March 30th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    cbullitt – I like Uma. A lot. As for the film, I expected better from Guy Ritchie.

    Ky person – Most of them are. It’s sad.