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Can We Stop With The Phillies Celebration, Please?

By Wyatt Earp | September 30, 2007

I mean, really. Some of these fans are celebrating like the Phils just won the World Series. The only thing they have accomplished was winning the NL East. And they had to do it on the last day of the season, and were helped by a terrible Mets team that couldn’t win down the stretch.

And the added bonus of seeing wife-beater Brett Myers pitch the final out was just too precious. I wonder if his wife flinches every time he throws. She probably expects a punch to be on the other end. Heh.

The fact of the matter is that this team is decent, at best. Their offense is stellar, and Ryan Howard and Chase Utley are gods of the diamond, but their pitching looks worse than Paris Hilton after a night spent “entertaining” the Sixth Fleet.

As I write this, there are no less than fifteen patrol cars keeping the drunken fans (read: rioters) under control at Frankford & Cottman, the city’s White Trash Intersection. For you see, when a Philly sports team does anything of note – winning a pennant, making the playoffs, or recovering a fumble – the citizens use it as an excuse to run roughshod through the city. I guarantee you this: before you log off of SYLG, a Philadelphia police officer will be hurt during the “celebration.”

And because of this, I sincerely hope that the Phillies are swept in the first round of the playoffs.

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