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A Duct Tape Kind Of Day

By Wyatt Earp | February 15, 2006

If you were wondering why posting was light (and inconsequential) yesterday, it had to with the burst blood vessels in my brain. Our division still does not have heat, and although it hit the fifties in Philly, the morning and early afternoon were brutally cold. On top of that, I was assigned to be the deskman yesterday; a position that usually causes seemingly normal people to go postal.

Throughout the department, the detective division deskman is widely accepted as the most obnoxious person in the building. They are always angry and short with the officers who drop off jobs, and are notorious for “eye rolls” at cops, victims, and offenders. Cops never really understand why this is so, because when a detective is assigned to be the deskman, he or she does not have to handle any jobs. Thus, most cops think that being the deskman is easy.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In my division, the deskman takes and reads every report, and decides if a detective will handle it. Reading some officers’ reports is an exercise in futility, due to atrocious handwriting and grammar. If the report will be handled – and for the record, I have never refused a job – the report has to be entered into not one, but two computer systems; a redundant task at best. Once the report is entered – twice – the report is photocopied and given to the assigned detective.

Simple, right? Not always.

Yesterday, our division handled twenty-four jobs in a six-hour period . . . in the winter . . . after a blizzard. It takes time to enter and assign jobs, and when the division is averaging one job every fifteen minutes – not to mention the fact that the desk man has to answer the phones (all five lines), and talk with the walk-in complainants – it is easy to get backed up. And when I get backed up, I reach for the Metamucil. Then, I get unnerved. I quickly transformed from the nice, easy-going detective that gets along with everyone – yes, it’s true – into the guy who writes People I Hate every Friday. It was ugly.

So, I apologize for the half-hearted (and witted) posts yesterday. I just wasn’t in the mood.

Topics: Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “A Duct Tape Kind Of Day”

  1. linda Says:
    February 15th, 2006 at 6:32 pm

    They looked the same to me! (Glad I’m far, far away!) he

    Can’t someone buy some space heaters? Poor babies, it’s cold!

  2. rt Says:
    February 15th, 2006 at 6:35 pm

    Those days suck. We all want to enjoy our jobs, and when a day gives you the “‘ol salute,” it is hard to be positive. Anyway, your pain turns into our entertainment. :) (Thank you sir; may I have another?)

    I thought you were just enjoying a relaxing Valentine’s with the mrs.

  3. rt Says:
    February 15th, 2006 at 6:40 pm

    Oooops…forgot to mention something that might provide some happiness…PITCHERS & CATCHERS TOMORROW!!!!!!!

  4. airforcewife Says:
    February 15th, 2006 at 11:00 pm

    Wyatt, I’m not sure if this was intentionally funny, but it killed me. I had to read it out to my hubby, who has voiced the same complaint about people’s intel reports.

    Grammar? The word “cuz” makes frequent appearances, and the misuse of their/there/they’re is rampant. It’s enough to reduce a man to tears.

  5. rt Says:
    February 15th, 2006 at 11:38 pm

    Airforcewife–I am constantly correcting my students on slang, proper usage, and on not using instant messaging “words” in their writing–yes–formal writing–essays, let alone tests and the like. Their grades suffer for it. Do they change their habits? The majority does not. It drives me crazy!

    Hey Wyatt, Philly is good for spending money…need someone to come in and teach the officers how to write in a concise, yet detailed manner????? I’m free during the summer. :)

  6. The Anti-Hippie Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 1:46 am

    “It’s enough to reduce a man to tears…”

    Or repeated blows to the offender’s head with a stapler.

  7. linda Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 9:20 am

    Hey cowboy, think you had a bad day? One of the local zoo workers got mauled by a lion yesterday! She’s alive but has “stitches”! One of the bites was to her head–yikes!

    Hope y’all get some heat soon!

  8. The Conservative UAW Guy Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    Just burn some hippies in the fireplace.

  9. Ssssteve Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 3:02 pm

    Did you get any “relief” from the metamucel! The fact that you need metamucel tells me that your OLD! And OLD people are crabby! so don’t apologize we come to expect your crabbiness!! CRABBY

  10. Wyatt Earp Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 3:16 pm

    Lin – We have space heaters, and they kept blowing the fuses, shorting our the computers!

    RT – Yeah, “relaxing.” She’s sick as a dog (strep throat) and I spent the day freezing and today in court. And I am NOT a big fan of baseball. Gimme Olympic hockey!

    AFW – Usually, my rage is funny. (See PIH) It’s not intentional.

    RT – Yeah right. They won’t hire more cops, but they’ll hire a qualified teacher???

    AH – Either or would be acceptable.

    Lin – Where was his chair to keep the lion at bay???

    CUG – And breathe in all of the pot fumes? No thanks.

    Sssteve – Aren’t you older than me, wiseass???

  11. linda Says:
    February 16th, 2006 at 3:49 pm

    She was feeding the lion and evidently, the lion wasn’t happy with its menu!