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Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

By Wyatt Earp | December 31, 2005

“We’ve got a detective down! A detective down!”

Today was the biggest day of my career: the first day at work as a detective. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. I was putting on a pink shirt . . . um, I mean a “manly, light red” shirt. Everything was peachy keen.

Then, I got to work.

In the grand scheme things, something as simple as access to the police computer system doesn’t seem so necessary . . . until you don’t have it. The department – in its infinite wisdom – revokes your sign-on when you get promoted. You then have to re-apply for it after you get to your new assignment. Unreal. Since God hates me, my sign-on is still revoked. Swell.

Since I couldn’t access the computers, my sergeant told me to be the “Desk Man” today. The desk man is a detective division’s version of the Grim Reaper – he assigns jobs to the detectives in the squad, whether they want them or not. When a desk man approaches, most want to run away screaming. As Wagonsux pointed out, this person is usually the most miserable in the room because no one likes getting bad news (read: new jobs) and every time you turn around, there is another cop with a report in his hand – waiting for you. I had to enter every job into the computer system (I got access from a co-worker) and doled them out to the detectives.

Right off the bat, we get a bank robbery. Thus, two detectives had to take the scene, and since the FBI was going to get involved, they wouldn’t be available for anything else today. The detectives left were in my graduating class. It was the first day for most of us. By the end of the shift, every detective had at least five jobs on their desk; I had a serious stress headache, and serious doubts as to how I am going to make it here.

Tomorrow is another day, but now my co-workers have a day’s experience on me. The desk man doesn’t get assigned jobs. And I was stressed out without the added pressure of investigations! Looks like tomorrow will be another “first day.”

Topics: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!”

  1. Tony B Says:
    December 31st, 2005 at 8:23 pm

    Wyatt, don’t let it get yah down. Plus, this stuff makes for some really cool reading.

    Happy New Year.

  2. Peakah Says:
    December 31st, 2005 at 8:56 pm

    Hang in there big guy… are you allowed to keep a bottle or flask of Jameson in the ole desk drawer? I’d assume that would make the stress headache melt away somewhat… or just create new ones…

    Well, we’re wishing you good luck and a Happy New Year Wyatt… We got’chore back!

  3. fat, ugly brother-in-law Says:
    December 31st, 2005 at 9:02 pm

    Sounds like you and Doc need a relaxing night in the saloon. Hope your next day is better.

  4. Uber Says:
    December 31st, 2005 at 10:11 pm

    Aw, maybe that was just God’s way of saying “Slow down and catch your breath.” On the other hand, maybe it was just his way of saying “Hahahahaha!”though…who can know. Either way, it’ll all be aight. :)

    Happy almost 06!

  5. rt Says:
    December 31st, 2005 at 11:29 pm

    Hey…you’ll be on the receiving end of the “desk man” at some point. You’ll be fine. Remember how much training you had to become a police officer and compare it to the little time they prepared you to be a detective. They know it will take you some time. It took them some time. Could be worse…you could be on vomit patrol during the parade tomorrow. :)

  6. Crazy Politico Says:
    January 1st, 2006 at 10:39 am


    You’ll survive the new job because you’ll find a way to use the same skills that got you promoted to make it through initially. After a while you’ll learn some new ones, possibly the hard way, that will help more.

    Great blog, added you to my roll today.

  7. Rachel Says:
    January 1st, 2006 at 6:04 pm

    Leave it to the tech support people to get you off to a bad start. Those geeks are evil sometimes. Oh wait… I’m a geek. Eh whatever, evil can be fun. ;)

    Did you have an account today?

  8. Gayle Says:
    January 1st, 2006 at 7:54 pm

    It looks as though this blog is going to make some very interesting reading.

    By the way, I loved your “People I Hate” post!

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    January 1st, 2006 at 8:38 pm

    Tony – Thanks a lot. Today was another rough day, but I think there will be some good stories.

    Peak – I wish. I may turn into a problem drinker after much more of this.

    FUBIL – No kidding. And we can end it with a shootout!

    Uber – I need that magic blue pill from The Matrix to swallow so I can immediately know everything. But that’s probably not gonna happen.

    RT – No more parades. One of the bonuses of being a detective. If I were still on patrol, I would have worked last night from 11p to 11a this morning. Not cool. The good thing about this is that my co-workers have been really helpful.

    CP – Thanks. I’m trying to keep my ears open and my mouth shut.

    Rach – I had a massive headache all day, and a FUBAR job. Rough one.

    Gayle – Thanks! And welcome. I’ll try and keep you entertained.

  10. The Conservative UAW Guy Says:
    January 2nd, 2006 at 10:45 am

    You’ll be fine, bro.
    One day at a time… :)