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When Did I Move To Iraq?

By Wyatt Earp | August 14, 2005

Man it’s hot. It’s like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn’t take this kind of hot.” – Eugene Morris Jerome, Biloxi Blues

So, I’m running out to get my father his birthday present – which will never get there in time because he moved to Delaware – when it hits me: it’s frakking hot outside!!! I tune the car radio, which is the only instrument in my Saturn that hasn’t melted, to the all-news station. After a few minutes, the forecast comes over the air.

The high today will reach a balmy 96 degrees, but the heat index will make it seem like 110.”

I’m sorry, what did he say?


Now, as a big, fat guy, I sweat when I breathe. This, however, is ridiculous. I still can’t mow the lawn – which, in fairness, has all but died – and posting is a chore, since my basement is not air conditioned. The current temp down here is 80; not too bad, but the humidity is brutal! My complicated brain is like a computer – I need cool air to keep it running at full efficiency, lest I post about something as inane as the weather in Philly. (Okay, by “computer” I mean a Commodore Vic 20.)

If this keeps up, I may end up posting about clouds tomorrow. Yikes!

Topics: Philly | 4 Comments »

4 Responses to “When Did I Move To Iraq?”

  1. Pandy Says:
    August 14th, 2005 at 4:09 pm

    It’s about 130 in Iraq lately, according to my melted-puddle of a mate. But it’s a dry heat. You can’t tell it from 105 when it’s nice and dry.

  2. Kate Says:
    August 14th, 2005 at 4:26 pm

    It’s absolutely disgusting out. I don’t want to leave my A/C.

  3. Pandy Says:
    August 14th, 2005 at 11:23 pm

    I’ve about doubled my electricity bill this summer- damn this sultry southern state! Being a fat punk doesn’t help much either. I like my house like a fridge.

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    August 14th, 2005 at 11:40 pm

    Pandy – 66 degrees on my bedroom air conditioner, sugar :)