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Getting My Ice Kicked

By Wyatt Earp | July 30, 2005

I have a feeling this will be me (pictured, in white, eating the boards) when I take the ice tonight.

For the first time in over a year, I will be lacing them up at the ol’ rink. My former (and now, current) ice hockey team is renting out the Flyers Skate Zone this evening for a much-needed tune up. Our new season begins in September, and I plan to be there. I have been looking forward to this rent out for months now, but my problem is (as usual) me.

Despite what some may tell you, I am grossly overweight, out of playing shape, and not that great a player to begin with. I have a decent “hockey mind,” but having ice smarts does no good when you can’t avoid a check. If I don’t post tomorrow, it’s because I got the crud beaten out of me tonight. Of course, I shouldn’t bore everyone with my impending misery without letting you guys make some money off me. So, here’s tonight’s odds (as they concern me) for all of you degenerate gamblers out there:

  • I get an assist (this is actually likely): 5-1
  • I lose a tooth (because I wear a face shield, not a full cage): 10-1
  • I get injured in a freak accident (like tripping over my own skates): 10-1
  • I break my nose (which can only help this face): 20-1
  • I score a goal (yeah, that’ll happen): 25-1
  • I get run over and killed by the Zamboni (a la Eddie LeBec): 100-1
  • I score a hat trick, and the fabulous babes in the stands fall in love with me: 1,000,000-1

Well, there you have it. Place your bets!

Topics: Ice Hockey | 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “Getting My Ice Kicked”

  1. Kate Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 8:46 am

    Is the game open to the public? Are there tickets available?

    To hell with Bernie Parent. I have a new hockey idol.

    Can I have your autograph? ;)

  2. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 8:51 am

    The game is open to the public (for free), and my partner said she may stop by (as did TBI), since the rink is right down the street from my district. You CAN’T attend, because I’d be embarrased :P

    You should wait on autographs until after the game. If I stink, I’m running outta there! :)

  3. Kate Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 8:56 am

    I need to see a pic of you in uniform (and I don’t mean PPD)…

    I bet you’d put my fave, Keith Primeau, to shame.

    BTW, what position do you play?

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 8:58 am

    I play right wing, and am usually #24 – hence the e-mail address. In college, my lacrosse number was #99 (for Gretzky), but I don’t wear that on the ice – too much pressure.

    I don’t think I have a pic of me on the ice, but I’ll look. :)

  5. Anonymous Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 9:56 am

    “I score a hat trick, and the fabulous babes in the stands fall in love with me: 1,000,000-1”
    Wyatt, I’m quite sure that happen, tonight! (Wink!) Of course, the wife just may give you a beat down…

    BTW When will ‘Wyatt’s’ Wild & Wacky Wagon Adventure’ happen again? I’m actually looking forward to reading about it (Smile!). I’m sorry it was horrible for you…but it was hysterical!! ~~ D. Maria

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 10:02 am

    Maria – Hopefully, it will be at least a week. If I knew it would be so popular, I’d try and convince my partner to jump back on it with me :)

    And, I’ll be happy with scoring ONE goal. I’m not greedy!

  7. Anonymous Says:
    July 30th, 2005 at 4:49 pm

    Wyatt, Have a great time tonight!!
    Enjoy and above all Stay Safe!! (Smile!) ~~ D. Maria

  8. Insolublog Says:
    July 31st, 2005 at 12:08 am

    I’m rooting for you Wyatt. The closest I can get to ice, without paying flying a$$ tribute to Issac Newton, is a cold drink.