Don’t Tase Me Bro!
By Wyatt Earp | September 26, 2010
If there is a law enforcement tool that is more effective at both subduing criminals and creating hilarious situations than the taser, I have yet to find it. Simply put, the taser is God’s joy buzzer. And make no mistake, when we use it on some toad, we laugh about it for hours afterward. .
A Cheyenne man who doused himself with white latex paint in hopes of avoiding a police Taser was hit with the stun gun anyway.
The Taser chase happened Sept. 16, when Cheyenne police went to Brian Mattert’s house on a domestic violence call. The Wyoming Tribune Eagle reports that when police arrived, Mattert thought they’d use a Taser on him, so he hastily covered himself in paint and told officers that if they shot him with the stun gun, he’d die.
Officers told him the paint wouldn’t affect the Taser’s capability. According to police, Mattert scuffled with officers and was hit with a Taser twice before officers handcuffed him. (H/T – Robert B.)
Considering his tactics, it would appear that this imbecile has a lot of experience with paint products. My guess is that he dined on lead paint chips as a kid.
Topics: Evil = Funny, The Job | 20 Comments »
September 26th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Oh man, I really want one of these.
Do they come in pink?
September 26th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
Too bad it wasn’t some good old oil based paint and the taser might have really fired him up.
September 26th, 2010 at 8:20 pm
Mrs. Crankipants – You’d be surprised.
Watuschskie – Fire in the hole.
September 26th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
I just finished reading that story in today’s paper. You beat me to the draw again, Wyatt! I found a better picture to go with mine, though! I even quoted you!
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/2010/09/white-latex-paint-vs-taser-crook-loses.html
September 27th, 2010 at 12:59 am
Mrs. Crankipants – Pink Taser C2
(scroll down on the page)
Not quite the Kalashnikitty AK-47, but it’ll do the trick too!
September 27th, 2010 at 6:43 am
Thanks Smite, I love it! The AK-47 is tempting, but I’m looking for something that will fit in my purse.
September 27th, 2010 at 7:37 am
Oh man… white paint everywhere, on uniforms, squad cars, duty belts… I’d of kept tasing him like Mark Hamill
with the M1 in the movie The Big Red One. Like lee Marvin giving Hamill more ammo, Wyatt could come over and give me a new battery when the old one ran out
September 27th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Wyatt:
Now THAT’S entertainment…LOL.
Mrs. C: Tasers DO come in pink, but I’ve yet to see an X-26 in THAT color.
(civvie models run around $300 & change for a TNG-”Phaser”-looking type)
Stay safe out there.
(and keep the perps “twitchin”)
September 27th, 2010 at 11:37 am
There are pink Glocks too, even down to the 26 sub-compact model.
September 27th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
He’d look like an x-ray by the time I got done with him. lol
September 27th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
@ Jon
Considering the battery on the Taser X-26 is good for 195 discharges, an event like that could provide hours of fun and hysterical laughing.
September 27th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Wow I wonder how the guy got the idea that paint would affect the Taser? I guess they could always use a night stick instead.
On an unrelated note, from the photo of the X-26, it makes you wonder how does a guy grab his Glock and think he grabbed his Taser? I know it was a very stressful situation, but sure seems like one that should not happen.
September 27th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Proof – Damned fine picture you got there!
Smite – I want that hello Kitty AK!
Mrs. Crankipants – How about Barack Obama’s genitals? Ba-zing!
Jon – Maybe we can find an extension cord?
Smite – Good lord!
DL474 – And turning on lights just by walking past them.
Enano – Nice! Hours and hours of fun for the whole family!
Ingineer66 – Ours are black with some yellow in the handle. This thing simply glows.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:11 am
Jon Brooks Says: I’d have kept tasing him like Mark Hamill
with the M1 in the movie The Big Red One.
I’d have kept tasing him like the Emperor tasing Mark Hamill in Return of the Jedi. I’d do an evil cackle at the same time just like in the movie.
September 28th, 2010 at 5:35 am
[...] -I’m usually not one for a quick post like this, but I got one hell of a chuckle outta this article talking about [...]
September 28th, 2010 at 10:44 am
@ fozzy -
“And now, young Mattert… You will die.
BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTT!!!!
September 28th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
Fozzy – You’ll need a hooded robe.
EoJ – Such a classic scene.
September 28th, 2010 at 3:04 pm
If he were serious, he would have doused himself with gasoline.
September 28th, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Sebastian – Good point. Wussed out.
September 29th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Ah, the memories…
the two primal fears of man…
lightning…
the wolf
brings back memories of the 1st gen stun guns and a snippet from The Choirboys… and the regular friday nite 2100 radio call..barfight at the Y bar….lol
roscoe rules
makem’ do the chicken, THEN release the dawg…heh
K-9!
you may THINK i won’t hit you..but you aint so sure that mutt will lissen to me or won’t bite you, now dontcha?