Insane In The Membrane
By Wyatt Earp | September 15, 2008
It’s been a while since I trotted out a meme, so I figured what better time waster entertaining post for a Monday night? Besides, all of my Philly and Dallas readers will be watching Monday Night Football.
It’s no secret that I an mentally imbalanced. In fact, I could name 100 things I do during a normal day that would make you vomit in terror. Thankfully, I’ll only post three of them here. We’ll call it “Three Annoying Habits.” Let’s go:
1. I Match My Clothes. Now, by “match,” I mean I match everything. This is not simply when I am out and about, but when I am in the privacy of my own home. This in itself is not odd, but I take it a bit further: I match what I wear to bed. Usually, it is just a t-shirt and shorts, but they have to match. The missus thinks it’s insane, but how when we have to run out of the house at 2am to avoid a blimp attack, I won’t be the one who is making a fashion faux pas!
2. I Love Symmetrical Eating. When I am eating something small, like M&M’s, I always dole out an even number of candies, pop them in my mouth, and separate them when I chew. If I put eight of them in there, I chew four on the left side of my mouth, and four on the right. This way, no teeth wear out before the others. It’s pretty brilliant.
3. Tappa Tappa Tappa. When I’m really angry, I usually stew. However, people who know me well know when I’m pissed. How do they know? Because I’m tapping. I am either tapping my hand on something (like a desk), or tapping my foot on the floor. It’s deliberate, and I guess that’s why it’s noticeable. Hell, I reckon it’s better than chasing after people with a barbed wire lasso.
Well, there ya go. Three more reasons why most people avoid me like the plague. Hope you enjoyed it, and if you want to post some of your own, knock yourselves out: I didn’t want to tag anyone.
Topics: Memes | 14 Comments »
September 15th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Judge Wapner, 4 o’clock!
I do the tapping thing, too. Well, after muttering some sentence enhancers under my breath.
If I am even the slightest in clashiness, I am in a foul mood all day. I feel like that poor kid again wearing all of the hand-me-downs. (Of course, no one really notices but me, but childhood crap lingers.)
September 15th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Wyatt, are you the twin I have been looking for all these years?
I match my clothes too (down to my unmentionables!) I eat symmetrically including I have to have an equal number of colors when I eat M&M’s. And I tap AND bounce my legs when I am mad.
September 15th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
You wear clothes to bed?
September 15th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Sounds like a form of OCD.
1. I pluck and gut my own chickens.
2. I have more chickens in my yard than there are residents in my town.
3. I breastfed for over three years straight.
4. I just got done castrating a cat. (I had to toss that one in just because it’s you.)
5. Tomorrow, I am going to kill, pluck, gut, and cook a guinea for dinner.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Hmmm, I LIKE the barbed wire lasso idea… thanks
September 15th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Ya know what’s really crazy: people who lick the tips of their fingers after every time they eat a handful of potato chips. Psycho!
September 15th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
There are stranger, but keep your best O and don’t become C and there is no D. and do smile about the beauty of life, yours especially.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:47 am
I read this crappy blog…;)
weird enough for ya?
September 16th, 2008 at 1:24 am
RT – I try to fend off the sentence enhancers at home. At work, I curse like a drunken sailor.
Deanna – Sis, is that you?
B.C. – 1. Yes. 2. Eww!
Kim – Seriously woman, you creep me out.
Old NFO – Happy to help. Tell your bosses about that one.
Randal – About your last party . . .
Earl – Words to live by.
Captain – Now, now, don’t project your Eagles anger on me. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Way to spike the ball before you get into the end zone, dumbass!
September 16th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Boy, I thought I was bad. Before I go grocery shopping I arrange my coupons by the aisles in the store!
September 16th, 2008 at 10:20 am
No. 2 is definitely me. And appropriate that it’s an even number.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
So Kim, are you a head chopper or a neck wringer? My grandmothers used to argue about which was the best.
And speaking of M&Ms, have you seen this? It’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
We chop the head off so the blood can drain out. We’ve done the neck wringing, but with the way they flop around forever and a day, it’s hard to tell if they are still alive or if they are dead but still running. With the head gone, we know they are dead even though they are running and flopping. It is amusing to see them hanging upside down with no heads, blood draining out, wings flapping, and body twitching.
What is even more amusing (when you are a 6 year old boy) is plucking the dead, headless bird and hearing a cluck when you press down on the body.
September 17th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Been there, done that, farm kid. Cattle farm. If you want to talk slaughtering, I’ve got some really good stories …