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You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!

By Wyatt Earp | October 18, 2010

Everyone knows that when you go to a strip club, there is a chance that you’ll come home with something. Crabs, syphilis, and a few fake phone numbers? Sure. An occasional paternity suit? Possibly.

But a punctured eye socket and broken bones around the eyes and nose?

Meh, not so much.

A South Florida man may have a few more dollars to toss around at strippers after he won $650,000 in a settlement for injuries he suffered during a lap dance. In 2008, Michael Ireland was poked in the eye by a stripper’s spiked high heel when he got a little too close during a performance at the Cheetah Club near West Palm Beach.

The shoe of a stripper named “Suki” punctured his eye socket and broke bones around his eye and nose and the man has permanent double vision, his attorneys claimed. The strip club decided to settle out of court Thursday instead of going through with the lawsuit and possibly paying more in damages.

Could’ve been worse. He could have been poked in the eye at a male strip club.

Topics: Evil = Funny | 13 Comments »

13 Responses to “You’ll Poke Your Eye Out, Kid!”

  1. Jon Brooks Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 7:59 am

    I guess when they say ‘No Hands’ during the lap dance they mean it.

    This is kind of biblical in a way…An eye for an eyefull.

  2. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 9:03 am

    It was a tender, warm dollar, moment gone terribly wrong.
    On the plus side, he got a lap dance and a poke.

  3. AJ Lynch Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 9:11 am

    “And a couple fake phone numbers”. LOL.

  4. richard mcenroe Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 10:10 am

    When I saw that headline the first thing I thought was Damn, when those things set up, they set up hard…

  5. RT Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 10:20 am

    I have so many comments that I can’t just choose one. :)

  6. MUD Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 10:46 am

    Where the hell does the court think a stripper can raise $650,000. I guess he’ll have to settle for 650 lap dances.

  7. Bob G. Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 11:20 am

    From a purely PHYSICAL aspect to all this…a LAP DANCE…and was struck by a SHOE…(ahem)

    Damn fine contortionism, I say.


    And he came away with DOUBLE vision…that could work.
    TWICE the “fun”…sort of.


    And to think…it’s ONLY Monday.

  8. RT Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Bob: Well, she was probably trying to put her foot up on his chest or shoulder and missed.

    Not that I’d know anything about that.


  9. Crusty Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Reason complaintant settled:

    Did not want his toe fettish exposed to the public.

  10. dragonlady474 Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    He’d better save his new found fortune and go for an old fashioned sort of gal, they only take your wallet and your mind, but leave your vision intact. lol

  11. Wyatt Earp Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Job – That was the from the Book of Breastalations.

    Mrs. Crankipants – Usually that costs extra.

    AJ – Not that I have any experience of that . . .

    Richard – Indeed.

    RT – Take your time and choose the best one.

    MUD – He doesn’t have that many body parts.

    Bob G – Imagine the Friday story!

    RT – *shudder*

    Crusty – Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    DL474 – You only get one pair of eyes, but you can always get a new wallet.

  12. AJ Lynch Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Me neither.

  13. RT Says:
    October 18th, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    I have hidden talents. Is there a problem with that?