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Call Me When You Have No Class

By Wyatt Earp | April 18, 2010

The current economy is taking its toll on everyone. Just the other day, I had to limit myself to two Faberge eggs instead of my usual three. Some people, like the folks in Oregon’s Klamath County School District, have it worse. They are slashing like a modern-day Sweeney Todd.

This budgetary brouhaha is the subject of this week’s Family Security Matters article. Here’s a sample:

Kids, are you tired of the brutally-long and overly-boring five day school week? Parents, would you like your little crumb crunchers to enjoy a three-day weekend for nine months of the year? Teachers, are you in dire need of some quality margarita time not afforded you on those loathsome Friday afternoons? If you answered “Yes!” to any of these questions, you might want to enroll in the Klamath County (Oregon) School District.

The school district, like most school districts in the country, is suffering through this recession. Times are so tough that Klamath County teachers are using cue chalk to write on the blackboard and students have to squish berries in their hands to finger-paint. The organization is hemorrhaging money, and as a result, school administrators are mulling over a plan to eliminate Friday classes:

But there are concerns from the Klamath Falls Association of Classified Employees, the union that represents classified staff, such as teaching assistants, cooks, custodians, secretaries and bus drivers. Union President Linda Braden says one less day in the week will mean a day less of work for 380 classified staff.”

Classified staff? That must be a pretty sweet gig. Like many union members, they can simply walk around all day doing nothing. When someone asks them why they are sleeping in the broom closet, they can simply respond, “I’m sorry, but that’s classified.”

Please read the rest of the detention-worthy funny by clicking here.

Topics: FSM | 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Call Me When You Have No Class”

  1. proof Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    Good thing there are no such things as “two income” or “single parent” families or this could cause havoc outside of the salaries and incomes of teaching assistants, cooks, custodians, secretaries and bus drivers!

  2. kaveman Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    sounds like a great idea for kids who are “home” all day friday while their parents are at work.

    Really well thought out.

  3. Wyatt Earp Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    Proof – Yeah, the only portfolio this helps is that of babysitters.

    Kaveman – “Home” meaning the arcade, playground, nudie bar . . .

  4. Wes S. Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    So how do you like your Faberge eggs, Wyatt: scrambled or fried…?


  5. Wyatt Earp Says:
    April 18th, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    Wes S. – Scrambled, of course!

  6. Jon Brooks Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 7:25 am

    One teacher for each grade could organize the children each week to go search the woods for Sasquatch on fridays. Once they find him the tourists and tax dollars would come rolling in.

  7. metoo Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I may have to use your “classified” line on my kids the next time they catch me napping.

  8. Wyatt Earp Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Jon – That’s not a bad idea. And if Bigfoot eats a kid or two, that’ll cut down on school expenses.

    MeToo – It’s win-win!

  9. Ingineer66 Says:
    April 19th, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    First off this is just insanity, to let the kids out on Fridays. But the thing that caught my eye, because I have driven through Klamath County more than a few times, I cannot believe that there are 380 classified staff in the school district. I know a lot of Californians have fled to other states, but this place is in the sticks. No wonder they are broke.