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British Woman Banned From Noisy Sex

By Wyatt Earp | November 10, 2009

Too Loud

Good Lord, I hope the British Bird wasn’t involved in this!

LONDON – A British woman lost her appeal Tuesday against a ban on her noisy sex sessions, after a court heard how her marathon romps that kept neighbours awake sounded like someone being murdered. Caroline and Steve Cartwright’s “howling” lovemaking sounded “unnatural”, “hysterical” and “like they are both in considerable pain”, Newcastle Crown Court in northeast England heard.

A 10-minute recording of their sex sessions was played out in court, which also heard how she tried covering her face with a pillow to muffle her cries of passion.

I’ll bet the people who weaseled out of this jury duty are kicking themselves right about now.

Neighbours at their home in Washington, south of Newcastle, complained about the noise — as did passers-by and the postman.

The postman? I wonder how much much he’s auctioning off his route for?

The couple were banned from “shouting, screaming or vocalisation at such a level as to be a statutory nuisance”, but Caroline Cartwright, 48, appealed under human rights laws against her conviction for breaching the ban. (H/T – )

Believe it or not, I can sympathize with this couple. My wife screams and shouts, too. Usually, it’s things like, “Get the hell off of me, you fat bastard!” Heh.

Topics: Evil = Funny | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “British Woman Banned From Noisy Sex”

  1. dragonlady474 Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    I’ll never forget Goldbloom telling me about her and her husband trying to knock one off in the afternoon when the kids were all occupied with (loud) video games and such. With four kids this was apparently a rare occasion, which became even rarer when their oldest daughter joking knocked on the the locked bedroom door and asked, “What are you guys doing, having sex in there?” (insert balloon deflating noise here)

  2. RT Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Wyatt, you ever hear the tape of the guy on Preston and Steve? Funniest and most disturbing thing ever.

    Uh…have these people never lived in college dorms???? (Seriously, though, imagine trying to walk down the street with a kid in tow. Awkie!)

  3. Old NFO Says:
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    I wasn’t there, had nothing to do with it… Oh, never mind :-)

  4. GroovyVic Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 5:39 am

    Ha ha ha ha ….. ha ha ha ha…*wipes a tear*

    Tell Mrs. Earp that I yell out the same thing….*giggle*

  5. Teetop Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 6:16 am

    He could have stuffed his dirty undies in her mouth.

  6. Kim Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 8:50 am

    This is why I like country living. Not that I would do anything as yucky as have sex. All my children magically appeared in the cabbage patch when the stork dropped them off.

  7. metoo Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 10:34 am

    I am going to use a quote from “When Harry Met Sally”. “I’ll have what she’s having!!!!” and right now, please!!!!

  8. BobG Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Sounds like a lot of jealous neighbors, to me.

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    DL474 – Oh, that sucks. (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

    RT – A little vocalization is nice, but I can’t concentrate with a lot of racket. I’m just sayin’.

    Old NFO – Bawhahahaha!

    GroovyVic – About me, or Mr. GroovyVic? :)

    Teetop – Now that would be a classy move! This isn’t Porky’s, ya know!

    Kim – That must have saved you a bundle on doctor’s bills!

    MeToo – Make it a double!

    BobG – I thought the same thing when I first read it.

  10. B.C. Says:
    November 11th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Lassie should have played a tape of any women’s tennis match in her defense arguments. These days, it sounds like the players are fisting each other instead of hitting balls back and forth at each other.

    PS: Now that I think about it, that goes for the male tennis players, too.