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Kill A Man, Jarro!

By Wyatt Earp | September 26, 2009

Chelsea West Cinemas

Deathlok uses this title at least once a year when sending our fantasy hockey stats, so I thought it was appropriate here. You may want to set your faces to “stunned.”

LOS ANGELES – When Jessica Biel, Lupe Fiasco and Isabel Lucas get together in Africa, they’ll have nowhere to go but up.

The entertainers have signed on to climb the continent’s highest peak — Mount Kilimanjaro, at more than 19,000 feet — to raise awareness about the need for clean water worldwide.

Water? Puh-lease. Gatorade is better. Cue The Waterboy:“Water sucks, it really, really sucks . . . “

Biel, 27, said she was “astonished” to learn that more than a billion people across the globe have no access to clean water.

“This is a basic human necessity that needs to be addressed now,” Biel said in a statement, adding that she’s proud to climb Kilimanjaro with the celebrity team “to help any way I can in order to raise awareness toward the life-threatening clean water crisis happening not only in Africa but around the world.” ()

She was “astonished” that there was not a lot of clean water in Africa? Really?? Someone should tell poor Jess that “hot and stupid” was Jessica Simpson’s shtick. “Hot and a terrible actress” is hers.

Any bets on which of her smart publicists helped her spell and sound out the word “astonished?”

SYLG’s Official Jessica Biel Guru Jim sent this to me, partly because it was a story about Jess, and partly because it is chock full of teh funny.

Topics: Babes | 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “Kill A Man, Jarro!”

  1. Old NFO Says:
    September 26th, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    They better get their “lungs” in shape for that climb :-)

  2. Deathknyte Says:
    September 26th, 2009 at 11:11 pm

    Not all that hot either.

  3. Andrew Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Because clean drinking water is more dire than CANCER or AIDS.


    Laura Bush spent millions on mosquito nets to help reduce malaria, and her efforts have saved millions of lives, no doubt.

    She’s going to “raise awareness”? How about donating money to physical things that actually help people, like research or actual clean drinking water.

  4. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 12:47 pm

    Old NFO – I am available for lung massages.

    Deathknyte – I think she is, but the dumb spoils a lot of it.

    Andrew – But where would she get her hands on some money? /snark

  5. AJ Says:
    September 27th, 2009 at 6:54 pm

    Forget water, it’s overrated. They need:

    “BRAWNDO – THE THIRST MUTILATOR!!! It’s full of electrolytes and uh . . . stuff. BRAWNDO is so awesome it has to always be written in all uh . . . big letters. You drink it and um . . . you can also give it to plants because BRAWNDO has everything plants need. Water is for toilets; BRAWNDO is for everything else. Expecially (sic) for putting in your mouth. And on plants. Plants need BRAWNDO, too. They do. Yup.”

    Quote stolen from, advertising Brawndo drink, from the movie “Idiocracy”. Great movie!

  6. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 28th, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    AJ – Must . . . have . . . BRAWNDO!

  7. 1oldleg Says:
    September 29th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    I’m a loyal reader, too! Can I have a picture of Jessica? Oh, wait, I got one, er, can I have a pony?
    And another picture, please?

  8. Wyatt Earp Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 9:45 am

    1oldleg – Maybe a picture of Jess riding a pony?