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Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Advil Here

By Wyatt Earp | July 21, 2009

<i>Wait, God says I can have both Jessicas?</i>

Wait, God says I can have both Jessicas?

Here at SYLG, it is my primary function to inform and entertain. It’s always a rare bonus when I can do both at the same time, but once in a while it works out that way. Take this post, for example, which informs us about God’s Law and forces a few belly laughs on a Tuesday morning.

This comment comes to us from “Lolly,” who has some very liberal (and puzzling) views about Senator John Ensign’s admitted affair. The comment is not exactly hate mail, so I am entitling it “the comment of the week.” Enjoy!

According to the Bible a man can have two wives. Sarah was Abraham’s legal wife and Hagar was Abraham’s common law wife. A mistress is a wife. See Deuteronomy 21:15-17. God’s law does not change. A minister according to the New Testament is supposed to have only one wife. There are too many women and not enough men out there. A lot of men today are homosexual and thereby unavailable to women. Also, the commandment says, “Neither shalt thou desire thou neighbor’s wife…..” A man is not allowed to have sex with another man’s wife. That would be a sin. A married woman would be sinning if she had sex with a married man. However, a single woman according to the above Bible law can have committed sex with a married man as long as she is not related to him. However, one is not to be promiscuous. One is to be committed to one male only. Fornication is forbidden.

Suh-weet! I am definitely printing this comment and leaving on the wife’s bed stand. I suggest my married male readers to do the same.

Disclaimer: Support Your Local Gunfighter is not responsible for any bumps, bruises, lacerations, broken bones, fork perforations, or gunshot wounds resulting from proposing this to your wife or significant other.

Topics: Site News | 15 Comments »

15 Responses to “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Advil Here”

  1. John D Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 9:10 am

    “…Hagar was Abraham’s common law wife.”

    Hagar? Isn’t he that big hairy Viking dude in the comic strip? Does this mean that the bible endorses same-sex marriage?

  2. Randal Graves Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 9:32 am

    The Bible is just a bunch of stories written by drunks.

  3. Doghouse Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 10:09 am

    If we don’t hear from you for the rest of the week, we’ll know you actually did show this to your wife.

    And I hope Randal’s joking.

  4. CaptainAmerica Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Yo that’s right out of the Democrats emergency play book page 69… It’s a cornerstone of their platform.

  5. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 10:14 am

    “A mistress is a wife.”

    A mistress is someone who gets to shake the sheets,
    and doesn’t have to pick up dirty socks afterwards.

  6. Bob Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 11:06 am

    Here’s another one my dad always said that’ll get ya smacked…

    “You don’t pay a whore to come sleep with you, you pay her to leave afterward.”

  7. Kim Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 1:29 pm

    Excuse me while I go spork my eyeballs out.

    And Mrs. Crankipants? You forgot about the dirty underwear on the floor next to the basket of dirty clothes.

  8. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks Kim.

  9. MUD Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    I don’t know what to say. There is no reason why a man would subject himself to more than one woman. Try to live with a wife and a mother-in-law. Two wives? Kill me now and neve utter those words again. MUD

  10. Easily Lost Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    I was thinking more along the lines of a cast iron fry pan upside the head…… wonder if Mrs. Earp could use a new one…..

  11. RT Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    Uh…in the New Testament it says that a pastor is to be a man with one wife, thus doesn’t that set a precedent for his “flock”?

  12. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    John D – I heard a rumor that Hagar was “horrible.”

    Randal – Welcome to Hell. Party of one?

    Doghouse – It’s 9:13pm on Tuesday. She hasn’t killed me yet. And I think Randal was kidding. If not, it’ll be a hot one.

    Captain – Heh, heh, “69.”

    Mrs. Crankipants – You wouldn’t clean up? I better look for someone else. :)

    Bob – “Clean yourself up . . . and don’t use my show towels!”

    Kim – No worries there. I don’t wear underwear.

    MUD – Yeah, who wants TWO women nagging at him? *ducks*

    E.L. – She has T-Fal. Stuff hurts . . . and is indestructible.

    RT – A flock of seagulls?

  13. Mrs. Crankipants Says:
    July 21st, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Actually, I wasn’t speaking from personal experience. I’ve been watching too many episodes of “Mad Men”.

  14. 1oldleg Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    The differences between a hooker, your mistrss, and your wife:

    The hooker sez: “Ain’t you done yet?”

    Your mistress sez: “Oh baby, are you done already?”

    And your wife sez: “Beige, I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”

  15. Uncle Ray Says:
    July 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    You can’t even afford the peach of a woman you already have! How the hell could you afford another woman? Plus she’d have to be blind, crippled and crazy to put up with you. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!