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And Now, A Message From Al Franken

By Wyatt Earp | April 19, 2009

frankenRemember Al Franken? He is the douchebag jackass that used to play Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live (back when it first stopped being funny). He is the douchebag jackass who was behind the the failed liberal radio broadcasting network, Air America. He is the douchebag jackass who ran for the U.S. Senate seat in Minnesota.

Yeah, that Al Franken. Guess what? He actually won that election, securing the seat and confirming what a lot of people already knew: Minnesota - the state that elected Jesse Ventura governor - has the dumbest electorate of any state in the Union. Minnesota actually elected Al Franken to the United States Senate!

That same douchebag jackass is my topic for this week’s article at Family Security Matters. Here’s a sample:

Good morning, my fellow Minnesotans! My name is Sen. Al Franken, and I am reporting for duty! Sen. Al Franken – that just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Okay, I realize that I have not yet been seated in the United States Senate, but that is a mere formality. The Minnesota courts have certified my Paul Bunyan-sized election victory, and the second that windbag Norm Coleman gives up his futile resistance, I will be packing my bags for Washington. There, I will begin my mission: To eradicate every pop culture mention of my alter ego: Stuart Smalley.

Now, I am sure many of you are filled with trepidation at my election to the Senate – a landslide, by the way. And before you make fun, 312 votes is a landslide in Minnesota. We think differently up here, especially since most of us have frost on the brain. Heck, we elected Jesse “The Body” Ventura governor, for crying out loud, and he is a box office bomb! Minnesota now has an elected representative who can fill theaters with adoring fans, since my blockbuster hit Stuart Saves His Family earned $900,000! How’s that for gravitas? In any event, I can assure you that I will bring the same wisdom, common sense, and integrity to Congress that Nancy Pelosi and Jack Murtha possess in spades. Why do I hear giggling?

So, what can Minnesotans expect from their new senator? Well, I have several ideas that are poised to take the state (and the country) in an entirely new direction – that is, if President Obama and Speaker Pelosi think it is okay to do so. Unfortunately for all of you folks, that direction is south.

You can read the rest of the shenanigans HERE.

Topics: FSM |

7 Responses to “And Now, A Message From Al Franken”

  1. The British Bird Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    how many people did he have to pay to sit there and write up all these phony ballots?

    I think he just wore every one down to the point where they were sick to death of dealing with this pillock.

    one more douche bag jack ass politician wyatt, to add to the ones already there.

    Lord, please save us all.

    the bird

  2. Morgan Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Without doubt, Al Franken is the biggest joke that ever came out of the 2008 election, and that includes Cindy Sheehan running against Nancy Pelosi for Congress!

    The fact he “won” unfortunately makes it an absolutely bad joke. Now I know most of the seven million idiots who ensured Barack Obama’s win came from Minnesota!

  3. proof Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    What would expect from a state that elects geniuses like this one?

    “We live in a world that has been famously described as hot, flat and crowded, and, as state leaders, it is up to us to take actions to make it less hot than it could be,”

    -Rep. Melissa Hortman, DFL-Brooklyn Park, MN

  4. Nicola Timmerman Says:
    April 19th, 2009 at 8:01 pm

    Except according to Obama’s remarks in response to Chavez’s tirade, he doesn’t seem to be too sure what month his birthday is.

  5. Doghouse Says:
    April 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am

    They “found” so many votes, Chicago must have emptied its coffers.

  6. Robert B. Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 7:56 am

    The fact that this POS was elected (in the courts) is reason enough to justify literacy tests for voters. Anyone with more than two functional neurons would never pull the lever for al franken. This should have been no contest.

  7. Jack Says:
    April 21st, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    Minnesota is the centre of America…like the hole at the bottom of a toilet around which all the crap swirls and eventually disappears into. That’s why they like Franken, PZ Myers and all the other wastes of flesh in the US.

    It’s a hole.