By Wyatt Earp | April 19, 2009
Remember Al Franken? He is the douchebag jackass that used to play Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live (back when it first stopped being funny). He is the douchebag jackass who was behind the the failed liberal radio broadcasting network, Air America. He is the douchebag jackass who ran for the U.S. Senate seat in Minnesota.
Yeah, that Al Franken. Guess what? He actually won that election, securing the seat and confirming what a lot of people already knew: Minnesota - the state that elected Jesse Ventura governor - has the dumbest electorate of any state in the Union. Minnesota actually elected Al Franken to the United States Senate!
That same douchebag jackass is my topic for this week’s article at Family Security Matters. Here’s a sample:
Good morning, my fellow Minnesotans! My name is Sen. Al Franken, and I am reporting for duty! Sen. Al Franken – that just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Okay, I realize that I have not yet been seated in the United States Senate, but that is a mere formality. The Minnesota courts have certified my Paul Bunyan-sized election victory, and the second that windbag Norm Coleman gives up his futile resistance, I will be packing my bags for Washington. There, I will begin my mission: To eradicate every pop culture mention of my alter ego: Stuart Smalley.
Now, I am sure many of you are filled with trepidation at my election to the Senate – a landslide, by the way. And before you make fun, 312 votes is a landslide in Minnesota. We think differently up here, especially since most of us have frost on the brain. Heck, we elected Jesse “The Body” Ventura governor, for crying out loud, and he is a box office bomb! Minnesota now has an elected representative who can fill theaters with adoring fans, since my blockbuster hit Stuart Saves His Family earned $900,000! How’s that for gravitas? In any event, I can assure you that I will bring the same wisdom, common sense, and integrity to Congress that Nancy Pelosi and Jack Murtha possess in spades. Why do I hear giggling?
So, what can Minnesotans expect from their new senator? Well, I have several ideas that are poised to take the state (and the country) in an entirely new direction – that is, if President Obama and Speaker Pelosi think it is okay to do so. Unfortunately for all of you folks, that direction is south.
You can read the rest of the shenanigans HERE.
Topics: FSM |