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I Knight Thee, Sir Chivas Of Regal

By Wyatt Earp | March 8, 2009

kennedy2It’s been a busy week for our elected officials. President Obama has been on the edge of his seat watching the Dow Jones plummet into Herbert Hoover territory. Secretary of State Hillary “Cankles” Clinton presented her Russian counterpart with an “Easy Button” - and a mislabeled one at that. And everyone’s favorite lush - Senator Edward Kennedy - was rewarded with an honorary knighthood from our pals across the pond.

Does anyone else keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop in and tell us we’ve been “Punk’d?”

I don’t think that is going to happen, and while the Kennedy story is unbelievable, it is also great fodder for my FSM article. Here’s a taste:

Ah, Britannia! You are the heart of the vaunted British Empire, the home of the Magna Carta, and the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution. Nations have trembled at the sight of your armed forces and bowed at the writings of your literary giants. The accomplishments of your sons and daughters have built a reputation of honor and integrity.

And you folks are screwing it up in one fell swoop!

Earlier this week, Prime Minister Gordon Brown made an announcement that sent ripples through the brandy snifters of Democrat bluebloods everywhere. Apparently, the Brits have seen fit to award oft-inebriated, never duplicated Massachusetts Sen. Edward Kennedy with an honorary knighthood. Seriously.

Forget blood pudding, Shepherd’s pie, and warm ale; this decision is more nauseating than all of them combined! Uncle Ted Kennedy? The same Ted Kennedy who was involved in that “car accident” at Chappaquiddick, barhopped until dawn with his “nephews,” and ran a Dennis Kucinich-esque campaign for president in 1980? That Ted Kennedy? Prime Minister Brown must surely realize that in English lore, Kennedy would be more suited as an honorary dragon than an honorary knight!

You can read the rest of the jocularity HERE.

Topics: FSM |

12 Responses to “I Knight Thee, Sir Chivas Of Regal”

  1. proof Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    Any possibility that the Knighting of the benighted Kennedy could just be payback for the slights that the Obama administration have shown to Gordon Brown of late?

  2. Elm Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    They probably awarded him with knighthood because, like all brave knights, when he rescues damsels in distress… Hold on just one second! Do you say Chappaquiddick!

  3. GeorgeTips Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    He was knighted for his superb driving skills, be nice.

  4. Lergnom Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    Another blogger reporting on the knighthood called him ‘
    Sir Osis of Liver

  5. USA_Admiral Says:
    March 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    Great article Wyatt. Lergnom is a genius.

  6. Alan B Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:04 am

    George Tips said:

    He was knighted for his superb underwater driving skills

    corrected it for you.

  7. Alan B Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am


    Where’s the moustache??

    You’ll be telling me next that USA_Admiral doesn’t have one either …

    My world has been shattered.

  8. MUD Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:24 am

    An irrelivant Country Knights an irrelivant Senator. Who cares? They deserve each other. MUD

  9. Alan B Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:37 am

    I’m terribly disappointed. Apparently, a foreigner who is awarded an honorary knighthood does so from the Queen’s representative and does not have to kneel before Her Majesty the Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Island.

    I was looking forward to that! I know a few people were looking forward to HM slipping with the sword when he was dubbed.

    Incidentally, he will be able to use the letters “KBE” after his name but NOT Sir before. (Knight Commander of the Order of the British Empire - the lower of the 2 Knight ranks in the lowest British order of chivalry.)

  10. Alan B Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 10:47 am

    MUD says: “An irrelivant Country Knights an irrelivant Senator. Who cares? They deserve each other.”

    IRRELEVANT. IRRELEVANT. (Merriam-Webster and Oxford English Dictionaries)
    If you are going to insult my country, at least use my and your language correctly, please.

    And, no, we do not deserve Edward Moore Kennedy, KBE.
    He is all yours! He is your “royalty”, not mine.

  11. USA_Admiral Says:
    March 9th, 2009 at 12:22 pm

    Alan B:

    Heh, handlebar mustaches is a requirement for this blog and alter-egos.

  12. Bitter American Says:
    March 10th, 2009 at 12:37 am

    Indirect Chivas moment here: I’m cleaning up my parents’ place to sell it.

    My dad used to have a pretty good bar in the basement of our house as a kid (he was a cabinet maker by trade).

    Last month, I’m going through the old liquor cabinet and I find a half-rotted Chivas bag in the back.

    Inside the bag? A bottle of Chivas, unopened, with a PA tax stamp on the top dated 1962!

    Woo-hoo! I’m going to open it when I move into my new digs!