Hockey Night In Philadelphia
By Wyatt Earp | December 2, 2008
We lost.
Can we talk about something else now?
Okay, I guess that was a tad glib, so allow me to pontificate. Last night we faced off against 32 Degrees. They’re a decent team, but they are a team we usually beat like Ike does to Tina Turner. We had 11 skaters, so there was plenty of personnel on hand, and we got out of the gates early.
We scored two goals in the first three minutes to go up, 2-0. Apparently, this goaltender couldn’t save coupons, and I figured we’d be in for an easy night. But just like when I thought a woman couldn’t get pregnant after just having a baby, I was wrong.
For some reason, the guys rolled over and played dead in the second period. Defensemen were pinching deep into the offensive zone, forwards were trying to pull off fancy Swedish-esque passes, and our goaltender, Louie the Lock, found out that bad nights were contagious. Before we had a chance to wipe the sweat from our face cages, the score was tied.
Randal Graves gave us his usual between periods “pep talk,” which was chock full of such colorful phrases as “jerkoffs,” “homos,” and “stop playing with yourselves!” Unfortunately, it didn’t work. Late in the game, tied 3-3, 32 Degrees scored the winner with two minutes left. Suffice to say, the guys were not happy. Randal shouted a few obscenities, Jon slammed his stick so hard that I figured he shattered it, and the locker room was a very quiet place. After starting off great, our team now stood on the jagged edge of mediocrity. This cannot stand.
As for me, I must admit I am getting sick and damned tired of watching these games from the stands. I spent last night throwing my hat, stomping my feet, and screaming, “Jesus!” more times than I care to remember. I want . . . no, I need to get back on the ice. And I need to get back fast. I know I can help the team, but since I am on the shelf until January, there’s not much I can do.
Either way, I’m pretty pissed about the whole situation.
Topics: Ice Hockey | 5 Comments »
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Yeah, but are any of them uglier than Chelios?
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
I swear, one of these days you have to tape Randal giving a speech and put it on your blog.
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
RT – NO ONE is uglier than Chelios. Well, maybe Vincent Antonelli.
DL474 – I don’t give him a lot of credit, but his speeches are better than Churchill’s. You’d like them – lots and lots of sentence enhancers.
December 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 pm
throwing my hat, stomping my feet, and screaming……….
I’m pretty sure those aren’t on the doctor’s approved list of activities yet. Maybe you guys do need some sideline fluff for motivation or something.
You only have a few more weeks to wait, hang in there.
December 3rd, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Lost? No, you didn’t. I watched the game.
Oh. You’re not talking about the Flyers. Never mind.