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A Viral Update

By Wyatt Earp | December 10, 2007

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Wyatt, your recent posts have sucked more than a Ryan Seacrest book signing.” To that I would say, “Screw you, readers! I do what I want!”

Actually, I would agree with that assessment. Truth be told, the cellulitis outbreak has knocked me onto my ever-expanding arse. I am currently awash in the third day of its clutches, and while the fever has gone, the leg pain is approaching unbearable status. Here’s the latest update, and a few updates of other recent event around these parts.

* Cellulitis – I took everyone’s advice and saw the doctor today. It’s always fun when you can make a 12:30pm appointment, and be seen at almost 2pm. I don’t complain, however, because my doctor is top-notch. He hooked me up with some cool new prescriptions, a doctor’s note for work – Yes, the Philadelphia Police Department requires that you bring in a doctor’s note when you are off sick. They treat us like 5-year olds. – and ordered an ultrasound for my left leg, which is now two inches larger in diameter than the right.

I wanted to protest that I wasn’t pregnant, but then I noticed my girth in the mirror, so I held my tongue.

The only downside to the doctor’s visit was that he (like me) had no idea what caused the outbreak. Swell.

* Ultrasound – About an hour into the wait at this office, I was missing the “short” wait at the doctor’s. When that “Columbine” feeling started to creep over me, I called the missus to vent a little. “I’ve been the only person in the waiting room for the last 20 minutes, and no one has called me in yet!”

Ironically, the second I hung up with the wife, they called me in. Maybe they heard my “tone.” Any hoo, the tech brought me back, showed me the changing room, and told me to get into the dreaded hospital gown. (Ladies, please do not swoon. I know I’m sexy, but you must keep control.) So, I lost the shows and pants, and quickly walked into the ultrasound room. My only fear was that when the tech pressed the sensor onto my leg, I would scream like a prepubescent girl.

Thankfully, the exam went off without a hitch – although the sensor goo was really cold – and the doc said that the scan was negative. No clots, no serious issues. Hopefully, I’ll be feeling up to snuff in a couple of days. Right now, I feel wiped out.

* The Accident – Remember that bitch who rear-ended me – and not in a good way? Well, turns out that she’s an honest bitch, and told her insurance company that the accident was entirely her fault. (Of course, it was her fault, she’s the woman!) Anyway, her company called me a few days after the accident, and told me that they would foot the bill for any repairs. Giggity!

Late last week, I took the VUE to the dealership, and they said that there didn’t appear to be any frame damage. They did, however, say that they would have to replace the rear bumper. It was dented, scraped, and had missing paint, but overall, the tally wasn’t too terrible. As long as they don’t find any frame damage after they take of the bumper, the bill will be just short of $500. Nice.

I take the car in tomorrow morning, and it should be ready for me on Wednesday night. Score!

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