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Filthy Half-Truths

By Wyatt Earp | September 28, 2006

Well, it’s been a few days of hot Love Fest action between myself and Captain Den, but I think it’s time to truly welcome him into the fold with another edition of Filthy Half-Truths. Enjoy.

Filthy Half-Truths About Captain Den

* Den has a schoolgirl crush on Rush Limbaugh.

* Although he is a “firefighter,” Den is so scared of flames that he has his wife light the barbecue.

* Den voted for Hillary Clinton for Senator, and plans to vote for her for President.

* The ’73 Firebird that sits on Den’s front lawn is not “redneck” – it’s “Classic American Workmanship.”

* Den shares a kinship with Pandy. Not because they were both in the army, but because Den likes to wear makeup.

* A former tanker, Den used to get his kicks by running over cats with the treads.

* Den doesn’t let his kids watch Sesame Street because the show is “just a bunch of tree-hugging, liberal, commie crap!

* With the arrival of his children, Den had to sell his motorcycle. Since then, he refers to his kids as Harley and David.

* Den believes Own Wilson is the greatest actor of our generation.

* After a family member called Den’s G.I. Joe collection “dolls,” Den beat the man to death with a Mobile Command Post.

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