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True Detective Stories

By Wyatt Earp | August 30, 2006

An actual conversation between myself and a citizen at the division’s front window:

Wyatt: “May I help you, ma’am?”
Citizen: “Yeah, I need to talk to a detective.” (The citizen obviously doesn’t notice my plainclothes, gold shield, and detective ID.)

Wyatt: “I am a detective, ma’am. At least that’s what the checks say.”
Citizen: “Oh. Well have information about someone on the run.”

Wyatt: “On the run? Do you man the person has a warrant issued against them?”
Citizen: (Annoyed) “Yeah. ON THE RUN!”

Wyatt: “Okay, ma’am, I can check the warrant status in the computer. What’s the person’s name?”
Citizen: “I don’t know.”

Wyatt: “Um, okay. Well, what information do you have?”
Citizen: “A friend of my friend is on the run. She lives at 10th and Godfrey.”

Wyatt: “Do you know the exact address?”
Citizen: “Yeah. I told you, 10th and Godfrey!”

Wyatt: “Does she live in the intersection, ma’am?”
Citizen: (Annoyed) “No! She lives in a house there.”

Wyatt: (Sighs) “Okay. What else do you have?”
Citizen: “That’s it.”

Wyatt: “So, your friend’s friend is on the run, and lives in the area of 10th and Godfrey. What does she look like?”
Citizen: “She’s a black female.”

Wyatt: “Do you have anything more specific? It’s a primarily black neighborhood, ma’am.”
Citizen: “She’s about average height. That’s pretty much it.”

Wyatt: (Sarcastically) “Okay, ma’am, we’ll get right on it.”
Citizen: “Thanks!”

I don’t get paid nearly enough.

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