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Blasted By Friendly Fire

By Wyatt Earp | August 21, 2006

One of the first things I learned when I was promoted is that in my squad, you’d better have a thick skin. Luckily for me, I have a lot of skin – it’s just all around my midsection. There has never been a more vile collection of ball breakers, scum, and villainy than those who surround me at the division. And I write that with pride.

I figured someone would come attack me after I returned from Arizona. Why? Because the day before I left, I attacked the shortest member of our circle of death: Adam. Using the prankster’s bible – Photoshop – I pasted his face over Will Ferrell’s from the Elf movie poster. The work of art turned out great, and everyone laughed at Adam’s expense. It was classic!

Later that day, I got a phone call on the golf course. It was Adam, and he was declaring a fatwa on me. Sweet! I pictured Mills Lane yelling, “Let’s get it on!” The next thing I know, I am landing in Philly from a fabulous trip to Arizona, and I forgot all about my mischief.

Until today.

I am working the front desk, and I hear the squad laughing in the other part of the room. When I look over, everyone looks away, so I know something is coming. Adam is all smiles and walks over bearing a gift: a copy of a Photoshop. It is the cover of People Magazine where Lance Bass tells the world, “I’m gay.” But instead of Lance’s face, some wiseass posted mine on Lance’s body.

Live by the sword, die by the sword.

The Photoshop was so good, that I had to laugh out loud. I tried to scan it to show everyone, but the quality sucked arse. Trust me, it was really funny! Later, I found out that Adam was not the culprit – it was “Clancy.” He said it was retaliation for me calling him “Cracker-Ass Clancy” which – the week before – a complainant called him over the phone. Damn, I forgot all about that, too!

Oh well, what are ya gonna do? Clancy . . . it’s on!

Imagine this cover photo with my face instead of Lance’s.

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