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Stupid Questions

By Wyatt Earp | July 31, 2006

Am I first? Well then, kneel before Zod!

Anyhoo, I figger since Wyatt is off vacationing, I’d bring you your fix of COPS for the day. It seems that some of the best police stories are those involving stupid people. I guess I’ll give you the dumbest question that I was ever asked.

Early on, in my law enforcement career, I was dispatched to a domestic disturbance. So my back up unit and I responded out to freaky deaky redneck land for the disturbance. Upon our arrival, we spoke with the complainant. I don’t remember her name, so we’ll just call her Betty Sue Bubba.

I ask Betty Sue what happened. She proceeds to tell me about how she didn’t wash the dishes, and her husband, I don’t remember his name so we’ll call him Billy Bob Bubba, kicked her ass. She had some obvious physical injuries. She had a red mark on her eye that would most likely become a black eye, and red finger marks around her neck.

I then go speak with Billy Bob. I lay down the miranda thing on him. (I’m sure you are all familiar with Miranda rights, right? Only criminals claim to not what their rights per Miranda are.) I ask this no-toothed, wife beater what happened. He proceeds to tell me that Betty Sue didn’t wash the dishes, so he whoopped her ass. Great, I arrest the toothless wonder.

I put him in the back of my marked patrol unit. I proceed to bring Billy Bob to jail. On the way to jail, we’re all small talking and what not. During the course of the conversation, this ‘tard decides to open his mouth and remove all doubt. He asks, “What am I being arrested for?”

I tell him he’s being charged with Simple Battery, Domestic Violence. This genius then asks me the dumbest question I have ever heard. Get ready for it. He asks, “How can you arrest me for domestic violence in my own house?”

I just said, “Dude, if I have to explain THAT to you, there’s no point in continuing this conversation.”

Well, I hope I didn’t disappoint. Y’all have a lovely day.

Topics: Stupid Questions | 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Stupid Questions”

  1. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 12:14 am

    Cripes, you didn’t wait long to take over, did ya?

  2. rt Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 1:08 am

    So it was an imported ass-beating? What an ass.

    I guess Wyatt has now been “placed” on vacation. :)

  3. SK Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:32 am

    It is somehow comforting to know that not all idiots live in my neighborhood. *shaking head*

    Looks like the coup in Wyattville is going well….and he gave you guys the keys to the pakace! LOL

  4. SK Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 8:33 am

    that’s “PALACE”….don’t try to type at 5 am in near darkness boys and girls…..

  5. fmragtops Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 9:11 am

    Seein’ as how I’m General Zod, I must lead my triumverate into battle. (BTW, haven’t been reading Radioactive Liberty lately, huh?)

  6. John D. Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 10:30 am

    What’s this world coming to? A man can’t beat his own wife? In his own house, no less? Our constitutional rights are eroding right before our eyes. Damn Patriot Act!

  7. fmragtops Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 11:35 am

    Greaaaaaaaaat, my first day on the job and I post a broken link.

    Here, just copy and paste this:

  8. Ssssteve Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 12:09 pm

    Wyatt, go bake in the sun! Your in good hands! BWAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA HAAA!

  9. Wyatt Earp Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 1:10 pm

    Good job, kids. It took you 12 hours to undo fourteen months of work. Ugh!

    Maybe I’ll just post a test pattern for a week! :)

  10. fmragtops Says:
    July 31st, 2006 at 1:14 pm

    Hey! I thought you were on vacation? Vacate already! j/k

    We go this. jimmyb will be along shortly to straighten me out, I am sure.